The Unofficial Joke Book of Malaysia

By Kuldeep Saluja

Welcome to the world of Billoo Badshah, the Badshah of Laughter. Billoo Badshah, a series compiliation of best jokes of the world, is for laughter moments, for love moments, for high moments, for lonely moments, for funny moments, for friendly moments, for happy moments and for all the moments. Be happy and cheerful with this book full of abudant joy, laughter and satire.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Diamond Books
• Release date: Dec 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9788128828058

Book preview

What’s a cheap guy’s idea of a royal evening out?

Dinner at Burger King and dessert at Dairy Queen.

What’s 6-13-6?

The measurements of Miss Ethiopia.

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him the menu.

I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer; I’ll smell it and order from there.

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man’s table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. Ah, yes that’s what I’ll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner’s wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal, pays and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. Sir, remember me? I’m the blind man.

I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. I’ll go get you a dirty fork. Same thing happens, the blind man orders the food, eats, pays and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, Pamela rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man.

Pamela complies and hands the fork back to her husband. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

Gook afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, Hey! Didn’t know that Pamela worked here?

A new bride and groom make love for the first time. Relaxing afterward, the husband asks his wife, Do you smoke after sex?

I don’t know, dear. Until now I was a virgin, she answers. Then she looks under the covers to find the answer to her husband’s question.

A Pole was so proud of his new red Cadillac that he just had to show it off, so he cruised through the black part of town. At a stop light, a giant black hauled him out of the driver’s seat, drew a circle around him on the road, and told him not to step out of the circle unless he wanted to get the shit beat out of him.

The black guy started to demolish the Caddie, starting with the headlights and windows when he heard the Pole laughing. He moved on to the body and engine, but in between crashes he couldn’t help hearing the Pole’s hysterical giggles. Finally the black guy came over with his crowbar and said, ‘‘What in hell you laughin’ at? Your fancy car’s never gonna run again."

Snickering, the Pole replied, So? Ever since you’ve been tearing up my car, I’ve been stepping in and out of this circle.

Boy: Let’s play. I’m an explorer and you’re the world! Your head is the North Pole and your feet are the South Pole!

Girl: Okay, but keep away from the Equator!

How about the Japanese factory that spray-painted all their new robots black?

They were two hours late to work the next day.

Twelve-year-old Timmy comes home from school. His mother asks him, Did you learn anything today?

Timmy says, We learned all about sex education. About penises and vaginas and stuff.

Timmy’s mother is shocked. She says, Is that what they’re teaching you in school nowadays? I’m going to complain to the principal!

Relax, Mom, Timmy assures her. This is the twenty first century. It’s all a part of what they call higher education.

Timmy goes up to his room. An hour later, his mother calls him down to dinner. When he doesn’t respond, she goes upstairs to his room. Timmy is lying on his bed, jerking off.

Timmy, when you’re done with your home-work, supper’s on the table.

Two Poles couldn’t figure out how to measure a flagpole they’d been hired to paint by the foot, so they asked a black man who was passing by if he would help.

The black pulled a pin from the bottom of the pole, laid the pole on the ground, pulled out his ruler, and measured it. When he was finished, he put his tape measure away, put the flag pole back in its stand, and left.

Once out of earshot, the one Polack turned to the other and said, Isn’t it just like a nigger, you ask for the height and he gives you the width.

Why do men have more brains than dogs?

So they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.

Why is 69 called the Smoker Style?

While she is enjoying the cigar, he is cleaning the ashtray!

Three men in an airplane crash died and went to hell. They happened to catch the Devil in a good mood, and he told them for twenty dollars apiece they could return to earth alive. After the offer was discussed for a bit, the Irishman pulled out $20 and-POOF!-found himself back at home.

What the hell happened to you? asked his wife. After he explained, she asked curiously, So where are the other two?

Got me, said the lrishman. When I left, the Jew had the Devil down to $ 17.50 and the black said he should be getting a check from the government any day now.

The trail was nearing its climax. On the witness stand was a beautiful blonde. The prosecuting attorney glared at her.

I’ll repeat my question, young lady, he thundered. Where were you on the evening of March 21st?

The witness hung her head. Please don’t ask me that, she pleaded.

The prosecutor stiffened. You must tell us, he roared.

The beautiful girl blushed. The court waited with bated breath. All right, she admitted finally, I’ll tell you. I was at home working out a crossword puzzle.

Is that anything to be ashamed of? demanded the prosecutor, his eyes blazing.

The blonde hung her head still lower. Certainly it is, she sobbed, a beautiful dame like me wasting an evening on a crossword puzzle!

The blind daters had really hit it off and at the end of the evening, as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, Before we go any further, Charmaine, tell me - do you have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?

As a matter of fact, smiled the girl, I do happen to have a foot fetish - but I suppose I’d settle for maybe seven or eight inches!

So the young yuppie husband and wife both get downsized and are flat broke. The only way to make money, the husband decides, is for his wife to work the streets.

So the first night, a car