The Unofficial Joke Book of Hawai

By Kuldeep Saluja

Sri Sai Baba Chants is an inspired collection of songs that emerged spontaneously from the author over a short period of time. His Guru reverend Swami Satyananda Ji Maharaj of Sri Ramsharnam led the author to the subtle experience of Sri Sai Baba of Shirdi. The author is neither a saint nor a Pir but he considers himself as a slave of Sai Baba's devotees. This book was originally written in Hindi, and is translated into English on popular demand of Sai devotees abroad. Though the author has never been inclined to poetry, these verses sprang-up spontaneously, most probably inspired by Sai Baba. Acharya Purushottamananda, formerly Professor of Education, Jamia Millia Islamia University, New Delhi, was born on 28 January, 1935 in a Jat Zamindar family with historic tradition of valour and patriotism in tehsil Iglas of Aligarh District. He came in contact with the Revolutionary movement for the independence of India, and the Arya Samaj Movement under the legendary leadership of Raja Mahendra Pratap of Mursan.
   
He received his education leading to the post-graduation in Political Science at Aligarh. He joined the government of India service in the Ministry of Rehabilitation, but later went for further education. He received Master's degree in Education from the university of Aligarh and also from the University of Manchester, UK.
   
Presently, he is engaged in peripetatic mission by joining spiritual congregations of different orders, where he is welcome; but has no organizational links with any religious or cult organizations.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Diamond Books
• Release date: Dec 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9788128828065

Book preview

The beaming young bride drove off with her new husband to a secluded spot at the lakeshore for a two-week honeymoon. When they returned, she immediately phoned her mother as soon as her husband stepped out of their apartment…

Mamma, asked the puzzled girl, When do men sleep?

Two young nuns were assigned to do the shopping and drove to the supermarket in the convent’s mini minor. When they couldn’t find a parking space one elected to do the shopping while the other drove around the block.

The first nun finally returned to the car park with a loaded trolley and asked a council worker:Have you seen a nun in a red mini?

Not since I stopped drinking, he replied.

She has a good job in the Nyphomaniacs’ Club.

She examines prospective members.

She was only a elevator operator’s daughter, and she loved to go down.

The farmer’s wife was shocked at the language the new hired man used.

Where did you learn such awful language? she asked.

Learn, hell, it’s a gift, he replied.

She was confiding to the psychiatrist, Every time I see a handsome muscular man on the beach I get a funny feeling between my toes.

That’s strange, said the doctor. Which toes?

The big ones, she replied.

If it wasn’t for orgasms our Noreen wouldn’t know when to stop screwing.

Some gals like to get things off their chests, and some like to put something on.

They called her Elevator, because everybody in the building had been down on her.

She was only a carpenter’s daughter, and she often got nailed and screwed.

He approached the blonde at the bar and said: Are you with anyone?

She smiled and said, Yes, I’m with anyone.

Mr. Jones found his wife in bed with his next door neighbour, Mr. Smith. Mr. Jones ran next door and told Mrs. Smith, You Ralph is in bed with my wife!

Sh … ! Mrs. Smith tried to calm him, Take it easy. Sit down. Have a cup of coffee."

Mr. Jones sighed, sat down, and had a cup of coffee. As he sipped his coffee, he noticed a gleam in Mrs. Smith’s eye.

You want a little revenge.

He nodded. They went to the couch and made love. After a while, they had another cup of coffee and more revenge, and more coffee and more revenge, and still more coffee and more revenge.

Finally, Mrs. Smith whispered to him, A little more revenge?

To tell you the truth, Mr. Jones sighed, I have no hard feelings left.

Nympho Noreen said: I don’t know how I will face my mother after being screwed three times by a total stranger?

What’d yer mean? he said. We’ve only done it once.

Yes, but you are not going home yet are you?

The new blonde in the office is called Virginia. They called her Virgin for short, but not for long.

Down In New Orleans a street hooker was back on the street twenty minutes after she had been busted by a vice cop.

Said a Ramparts Street friend, You managed that right quick, honey. What did you do-play with his club?

No time for that, chickle-I just blew his whistle.

Hear about the office girl who married a William so she could get a Willy of her own?

Her friend married Richard.

Q: What’s big an hairy and sticks out of a man’s pajamas and is so big that he can hang his hat on it?

A: His head.

A family was all together, just hanging around. The sister was browsing through a page and laughed at a little piece of trivia she had found there, which she read aloud: Did you know that a woman’s breasts increase in size by twenty percent during sex?

Her husband, a notorious joker, shot back, So how come yours don’t?

Her father, from behind his newspaper and without even a pause, repsonded, You’re not pumping hard enough!

Two stenographers were comparing experiences after the company’s Christmas party.

Did you get laid? said one.

Only twice, was the reply.

Only twice?

Yes, once by the band and again by the despatch department.

Judy Cassayre, the remarkable Rams Head Realty exec at Sea Ranch, California, relates this rib-buster:

The governor of a Midwestern state was in San Francisco to give a political speech. Up in his room, the politician, as always, was having great difficulty tying his tuxedo tie. So he looked out into the hotel hallway and saw a stranger passing by. Would you mind helping me with this tie? It always gives me trouble.

Not at all, said the man, but I’m afraid you’ll have to lie down on the bed.

The governor thought this was a peculiar way of tying a bow tie but he complied. When the tie was properly adjusted, the governor said, How come you can’t tie this unless I lie down?

I’m an undertaker, said the man.

Sales assistant: The sweater in your hand is made of a pure virgin wool, sir.

Young Customer: Well, I am not interested in the moral of the sheep. Is it warm?

Sales Assistant: Excellent for summer season, sir!

The new managing director took a fancy to the buxom stenographer and finally summoned up the courage to ask her out.

He took her to the finest restaurant, lavished her with food and wine, took her to the theatre and then to a luxury hotel.

In the morning she had breakfast in bed before he offered to drive her home.

Oh, you are so kind, she said, most of you salesmen give me $20 and put me in a taxi.

He advertised for a secretary: Wanted. Young lady assistant who can type. One who has no bad habits and is willing to learn.

Then there’s the one: A man comes out of a woman, and spends half his life-time getting back into it.

The partners hired a new secretary and after the first week one of them had taken her out.

She was terrific, he reported. I don’t mind admitting she was better in the cot than my wife.

Next night the second partner took the secretary out and the following morning he said. You’re right. She is better than your wife.

Notice in the office: In an effort to spread to spread the work more with a would all staff take advantage of the stenographers earlier in the day!

Bunty: "So you won’t marry me, hey? After all you’re not the only fish