The Unofficial Joke book of New SMS

By Kuldeep Saluja

Shri Joginder Singh, IPS (Retd.), former Director of CBI, is a living testimony as to how an ordinary person can rise to the pinnacles of glory by sheer hard work and motivation. His life is a saga of success which can be enunciated as a role model for any aspiring youngster.     This magnum opus by Sh. Joginder Singh is a treatise on self improvement. This win-win story is based on the secrets of success as to how to become an achiever. And the success mantra that he espouses for you: Make the best of all opportunities; dream big and work hard-dreams will turn sheer realities. You only need to hone your skills and attitude to become a winner.     Remember that success is always a choice. You can choose to be successful by putting the required labour and sacrifices. Today is what matters most. What you expect can happen only if you are focussed-motivation is the bottom line of success.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Diamond Books
• Release date: Dec 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9788128828096

Book preview

Women admire a man because he is STRONG but they love him for his WEAKNESS.

Love is like war …

Easy to start…

Difficult to end …

Impossible to forget…

Love is forever, only the partners change …

Girls are like internet domain names… the ones I like are already taken.

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s 100 Rs per minute.

You need MONEY to call someone HONEY.

Promises are like babies, easy to give HARD TO DELIVER.

Learn from your parents’ mistakes- USE BIRTH CONTROL!

Love is photogenic, it needs darkness to develop.

Mental anxiety, Mental breakdowns, Menstrual cramps, Menopause…. Did you ever notice how all problems begin with MEN!

Girl: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?

Boy: Sure, what’s your phone number?

My husband and I cannot decide… a dog or a child … do we ruin OUR CARPET or our life?

All nice things in life are illegal, immoral, or make you grow fat.

I would not call myself important, but I am convinced that when I was not born, everyone would like to know WHY.

I come here, take off urs pants and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving urs…. toilet.

There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her Garage, Mink in her Closet, Tiger in her Bed! And of course a Donkey to pay her Bills!!

The more you study,

The more you know.

The more you know,

The more you forget.

The more you forget,

The less you know.

So why study?

How women think about sex:

Age 8 ignore it,

Age 18 experience it,

Age 28 look 4 it,

Age 38 ask 4 it,

Age 48 beg 4 it,

Age 58 pay 4 it,

Age 68 pray it,

Age 74 4get it.

A lawyer says- ‘We’ won, or ‘You’ have lost.

Without the rubber tree the whole world would have AIDS.

When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting? ….When she starts with My husband said…

Words of a client in an antique shop: do you have anything new?

Join the army, meet interesting people and then … kill them….

Lots of people stop working once they found a JOB!

Keep the school clean…

…stay home!

No one ever died because of hard labour, but I think: why would I take the risk?

Some people live because it is illegal to kill them!

Q. What is the height of LAZINESS?

A. A couple ADOPTING A CHILD.

Q. Wot’s the best thing about babies?

A. MAKING THEM!

Q. If a pen is mightier than a sword and a photo more powerful than a thousand words, how dangerous can a FAX be?

Q. Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman?

A. The head had to be HOLLOW to make a restaurant in it!

Q. If Adam and Eve were so beautiful, how come that there are so many UGLY PEOPLE?

Q. When swimming is good for the development of our arms and legs, why do fish not have ARMS AND LEGS?

Q. When you are not supposed to drive a car when you have been drinking, why do bars have a PARKING LOT?

Q. What does 98 stands for in WINDOWS 98?

A. It stands for number of times it HANGS IN A DAY

Q. Do they have a coffee break at the tea factory?

Q. Why are you behind a computer, while in fact you are sitting in front of the screen?

Q. Why are there life jackets in airplanes and no parachutes?

Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS

dey r always out of order

dey stink

the nice ones r always engaged

dey consume large amounts of liquid

r constantly full of shit!

Children playin outside cars can cause accidents, but adults playin inside cars can cause children by accident!

Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top!

It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as possible, and a man’s to keep unmarried as long as he can.

Do not worry about failure. Worry about all the chances you miss when you don’t try.

Doctor: A person who cures the ills by pills, and kills by his bills.

LOVE: Loss of Valuable Energy.

WIFE: Worries Invited for Ever

WIFE: Wonderful Instrument For Entertainment.

Guests: Like fish, Begin To Smell After 3