Please Forward: Do Not Delete

By Lynne Gleason

THIS IS BASED ON E-MAILS THAT I HAVE RECEIVED FROM MY FRIENDS. I JUST WANTED TO SHARE THEM WITH ALL MY NEW FRIENDS.

SOME WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH AND SOME WILL MAKE YOU THINK. PLEASE SHARE IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

IT IS A GOOD BOOK TO HAVE IN YOUR BATHROOMS TO TAKE A PEEK AT.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE BOOK.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 14, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469180441

Lynne Gleason

Lynne is full of life and energy. She loves to work and loves animals. She has lots and lots of e-mail buddies that made this book possible. The one person that inspired her was her best friend for the last 40 years, Dorothy. Lynne has lived a full and wonderful life. Lynne has traveled, volunteered at hospitals and animal shelters. When she quits working she wants to open a pet grooming business. Lynne plans to give some of her royalties to an animal shelter. I think every bird in the neighborhood is at her apt. Lynne has 6 brothers and 3 sisters to share stories with. She also has tons of nieces and nephews. Lynne moves around because she works in the hospitality industry so she keeps in touch by e-mails. Lynne wants everyone to get ready for her second book due out soon. Lynne is also working on a book about her work in hotels and some of the stories are unbelievable.

Book preview

Copyright © 2012 by Lynne Gleason.

ISBN:          Softcover                                 978-1-4691-8043-4

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4691-8044-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

112875

CONTENTS

A Smile For You

Very Interesting

How To Dance In The Rain

There Were Two Nuns

Your Yearly Dementia Test

A Social Worker From A Big City

Watch What You Wish For

Now—How True Is This!

Dementia Quiz

True Husband

Short And Funny

The History Of ‘Aprons’

The Hairdryer

Wrong E-Mail Address

What Is Butt Dust???

Mom’s Empty Chair

You’ve Gotta Love Drunk People

Little Old Lady

Spring Classes For Men

Lines To Make You Smile

Time Slips Away

Moments In Life

Why Do I Like Retirement!!!

Serenity

The Senility Prayer

One Day A Florist Went To A Barber For A Haircut.

Mayonnaise Jar & 2 Beer

Garage Door

Pretty Good Advice

The Good Napkins… Ahhhh

What Sign Are You

An Old Jewish Man

Spread The Stupidity

Golf Balls

What A Milk Bath

When Can I Go Home

Cat Lover Or Not, This Is Funny!

Ma And Pa

World’s Shortest Fairy Tale

Thanksgiving Greeting

A Penny…

Why????

How Do These People Survive?

God Is Busy

What Great Kids

Let’s See Who Reads Their Email

To My Keepers!!

Three Ladies In A Sauna

These Really Work!!

Cleaning Poem

Catholic Golf

Morning Sex

Life Partner

How To Stay Young

Retiree Bathtub Test

Traffic Camera

First Day Of School

Women Are Evil By Nature

Norvegian Diet…

Have A Good Evening!

Irish Virginity Test Kit

Cowboy Poetry

Vat Da Heck???

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

One Penny

Two Choices

And Now A Little Foot Note To This Story:

Can I Borrow $25?

THIS IS BASED ON E-MAILS THAT I HAVE RECEIVED FROM MY FRIENDS. I JUST WANTED TO SHARE THEM WITH ALL MY NEW FRIENDS.

SOME WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH AND SOME WILL MAKE YOU THINK. PLEASE SHARE IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

IT IS A GOOD BOOK TO HAVE IN YOUR BATHROOMS TO TAKE A PEEK AT.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE BOOK.

I WANT TO THANK:

DOROTHY AND HER HUSBAND MIKE AND THEIR CRUMMY KIDS, TINA AND LISA, THEY ARE THE REASON FOR THE BOOK.

CONNIE AND HER TWO KIDS ANGELA AND BRITTNEY AND I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR OUR FRIENDSHIP

ANGELA WHO LET ME SLEEP ON HER SOFA SO I COULD COMPLETE THE BOOK

PAM AND LINDA THAT I WORKED WITH AND ARE VERY FUNNY AND GOOD FRIENDS

TAMI FOR THE ENDLESS TYPING SHE DID

THANK YOU ALL VERY, VERY MUCH

THIS IS DEDICATED TO:

MARIE

JACK

DAN

JOE

ED

MARGARET MARY

BOYKE

BOB

MARY ELLEN

BUT MOST OF ALL MY PARENTS CHARLES AND MARIE

THIS IS THE BEGINNING

A SMILE FOR YOU

SMILING IS INFECTIOUS; YOU CATCH IT LIKE THE FLU,

WHEN SOMEONE SMILED AT ME TODAY, I STARTED SMILING TOO.

I PASSED AROUND THE CORNER AND SOMEONE SAW MY GRIN WHEN HE SMILED I REALIZED I’D PASSED IT ON TO HIM.

I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT SMILE THEN I REALIZED IT’S WORTH.

A SINGLE SMILE, JUST LIKE MINE COULD TRAVEL ROUND THE EARTH.

SO, IF YOU FEEL A SMILE BEGIN, DON’T LEAVE IT UNDETECTED

LET’S START AND EPIDEMIC QUICK AND GET THE WORLD INFECTED!!!!

KEEPS THIS SMILE GOING BY PASSING IT ON TO A FRIEND.

EVERYONE NEEDS A SMILE!!!!!

VERY INTERESTING

In the 1400’s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have

‘the rule of thumb’

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled ‘Gentlemen Only . . .

Ladies Forbidden’ . . . and thus, the word GOLF entered Into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on

prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

(I wonder if this is still true today?)

Men can read smaller print than women can;

women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of

people who walk to work:

Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness:

28% (now get this . . .)

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to

the age Of eleven:

$ 16,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. In any given hour:

61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and

copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter,

Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the

only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades—King David

Hearts—Charlemagne

Clubs—Alexander, the Great

Diamonds—Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.

If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the

horse has all four legs on the ground, the

person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.

Q . . . Half of all Americans live within

50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats.

What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter ‘A’?

A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?

A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father’s Day

In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase . . . ‘Goodnight, sleep tight’

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts . . . So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them ‘Mind your pints