The Unofficial Joke Book of Canada

By Kuldeep Saluja

Welcome to the world of Billoo Badshah, the Badshah of Laughter. Billoo Badshah, a series compiliation of best jokes of the world, is for laughter moments, for love moments, for high moments,  for lonely moments, for funny moments, for friendly moments, for happy moments and for all the moments. Be happy and cheerful with this book full of abudant joy, laughter and satire.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Diamond Books
• Release date: Oct 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9798128819444

Book preview

Canada

A prisoner was sitting in his cell when the door clanged open and a new arrival was locked in with him.

What are you in for? the prisoner asked.

Well, Bunty said. I'm not really a criminal. I just had this problem-I got a tremendous erection every time i saw a pretty girl.

So, you're in for rape? the prisoner asked.

No, the other con replied. It's worse than that. My friend suggested I wear a metal jockstrap. I put one on and went to a topless night club. The shrapnel killed four dancers and a waitress.

A bloke goes to the doctor and says. I got this sex problem, Doc. Well, say the quack, Tell me about your average day. Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up about 3:00 am for nookie and then again about 5 o'clock so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work.

Oh I see, say the doc. No, hang on, say the man, .... you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl every day and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there.

Oh ... now I see, say the quack. no you don't, say our hero. When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom.

Oh .. now I see, say the quack. No, no, no, says the guy. When I go to lunch I meet this lady I'm very fond of and we nip out the back for a quickie.

Now I understand, says the patient doctor. No, hang on, says the bloke. When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll give me the sack.

Ahh...., says the doctor, now I see ... No, there's more, says our man, when I get home my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and then we have sex afterwards."

What's your problem? asked the doc. Well.... says our hero, it hurts when I masturbate!

Fauja Singh goes to the doctor and says, Doctor, I've got this problem you see, only you've got to promise not to laugh.

The doctor replies, Of course I won't laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over twenty years of being a doctor I've never laughed at a patient. OK then, says the man, and he drops his trousers.

The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about to laughing on the floor. Ten minutes later he is able to struggle to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes. I'm so sorry, he says to the patient, I don't know what come over me, I won't let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem? Fauja looks up at the doctor sadly and says, It's swollen.

Monty desperately tries to impress a beautiful lady customer. When she walks into his butcher shop one morning, he says, Good morning, ma'am, and what can I do for you on this lovely day?

Flashing him a no-nonsense look, the woman replies sternly, Give me some of that prime rib that's on special.

Monty quickly shuffles around behind the counter. It's been a long time since you've been by the shop, he says, the eagerness mounting in his voice, so today I'll do something special for you: I won't put my thumb on the scale!

To that, the pretty customer replies coldly, Monty dear, if your dick were as big as that thumb, I'd buy my meat here all the time.

The landlord of a pub was not getting much money, so he thought he needed to liven things up. He made a sex machine. A bloke walked into the pub, bought a pint, looked at the machine and asked the landlord, What is that?

The landlord replied, A sex machine, try it it's really good.

So the bloke went and tried it and it was good. So good that the bloke came back again the next day and then the next day, until one day he went and stuck his penis in and when he pulled it out, it was all ripped apart.

The angry bloke explained to the landlord about what had happened.

The landlord looked over to his wife and said, Pat, you must have put the dog the wrong way!!!

A farmer realized his manhood was beginning to fail him, so he asked his doctor for a cure. The doctor gave him a small container of pills and told him to take no more than once a week. Back at the farm, the farmer thought he'd try the medication out on his stud horse first. The horse swallowed the pill, jumped out of his stall, kicked a side of the barn down and ran off down the road. Those pills are too strong for me, the farmer figured, and he poured the rest into the well.

Later, when the doctor asked the farmer how the pills were working, the farmer said he had thrown them down the well. Heavens! the doctor exclaimed. You haven't drank any of the water, have you?

Nope, answered the farmer. We can't get the pump handle down.

After the wedding young Billo was taken upstairs by her groom, but in less than five minutes she came running downstairs to the kitchen where her mother was making lasagna. Mama, Mama, the young virgin wailed, he's got hair all over his chest!

He's-a supposed to have hair on his chest, her mother replied calmly. Now go back upstairs.

A few minutes later Billo ran into the kitchen again. Mama, he's got hair all over his legs!

He's-a supposed to, Billo. Now go back upstairs like a good girl.

But when her groom took off his shoes and socks, Billo saw that while one foot was normal, the other was a clubfoot. Faster than ever she raced down the stairs and yelled, Mama, Mama, he's got half a foot.

You stay here and cook the lasagna, said Mama, drying off her hands. I'm-a going upstairs.

Suzy, age 8, and Little Johnny, age 9, are sitting on the front porch swing. Little Johnny says to Suzy, Screw you, Suzy.

A minutes goes by and Suzy replies, Screw YOU, Little Johnny.

A moment or two and Little Johnny says, Screw YOU, Suzy.

In response, Screw YOU, Little Johnny, Suzy says.

After about ten minutes of this, Suzy's mom comes out on the porch and demands, What on earth are you kids doing?

They reply together, We're having oral sex!

Monty was trying real hard to get the best-looking cheerleader in school to go out on a date with him. She finally agreed, but only on condition that he arrange a date for her best friend, too. That was fine with Monty-but when Friday night came around he hadn't been able to line anyone up, so he asked his retarded brother Bunty to help him out. Why, sure, said Bunty. But you know, I've never been out with a girl before.

No problem, said Monty. Just do everything I do.

Off the four of them went to the drive-in, and when Monty started kissing his date, Bunty followed suit. Soon Rick had the cheerleader's braundone, so Monty undid his date's. Next, Monty started feeling inside her panties, but when Bunty tried to follow suit, his date told him to quit.

Why? asked Bunty, anxiously nothing that his brother was getting quite a head start in the back seat.

I have my period, she said.

You're what?

I'm bleeding down there, she explained, blushing.

This I gotta see, said Bunty. He turned on the headlights, dragged his date out in front of the