1000 Horrible Jokes for Dad

By Jose Sanchez and XTRNL Sanchez

1000 jokes!!  With many of the worst jokes we could dig up for dads with a poor sense of humor and dads that think they are Kevin Hart or Steve Martin. Help your dad to build his horrible arsenal for the next family gathering. This is a great gift for birthdays, Christmas, Father's day, nurse day, law enforcement day, police officer day, correctional officer day, or just to let him know you think about him.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jose Sanchez
• Release date: Jul 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201592448

Book preview

1000

Horrible

Jokes for

Dad

By

Jose Sanchez

Who's been eating my porridge, squeaked Baby Bear.  Who's been eating my porridge, cried Mother Bear.  Burp!, said Father Bear

Boy what a hotel that was. Why, they stole my towel!

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps … from moving cars.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional. The knife had butter on it.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window, I hurt somebody’s fingers.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I say ‘no’ to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, ‘no’.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous. Everyone hasn’t met me yet.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I went to see my doctor. ‘Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror… I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?’ He said, ‘I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.'

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

Marriage. It’s not a word. It’s a sentence.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah. My wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

My uncle’s dying wish: He wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

My wife’s cooking is so bad the flies fix our screens.

My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

My wife’s not too smart. I told her our kids were spoiled. She said, ‘All kids smell that way.'

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, ‘No, but I did get the license number.'

One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

There’s only one thing wrong with my wife’s face – it shows.

What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

What is the strength, brother? – I’m not a brother, but a sister. Then What is the weakness, sister?

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.