Grandma Margie's Pocket Jokes: Book #1

By Al Cardone Jr

Jokes from Al Cardone Jr Book #1

Hello and welcome to "Grandma Margie's Pocket Jokes". My name is Al Cardone Jr and this collection of jokes and funny stories was inspired by Grandma Margie, who was my Mom.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Self Published
• Release date: Sep 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088293812

Book preview

ADULT TOYS

I am proud to announce that I am taking on a brave new adventure.

In order to pay my bills, I will be selling adult toys. I hope no one is embarrassed to order them.

Discretion is guaranteed!!

I have all kinds, sizes and styles according to your needs. I have had the chance to try a few in the last couple years.

Hit me up anytime. Everything I have is listed below & more if needed...

wheelchairs

canes

walkers

scooters

joint braces

blood circulating machine thing, crutches, shower chair,

ice packs, heating pads etc etc.

ADULTERERS

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, he said, if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed

adultery would say they had fallen.

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.

He then said, "I don't know what you're laughing about,

Your wife fell three times this week."

AFTERLIFE

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation.

They vowed that if either died, the other one would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death.

Unfortunately, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, she tried to contact him exactly 30 days later.

At the seance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha.

Do you hear me ?"

> A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John.

I can hear you."

Martha tearfully asked, Oh John, what is it like where you are?

> It's beautiful. Blue skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time.

What do you do all day? asked Martha.

> "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon.

> After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five.

> After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m."

Martha was somewhat taken aback.

Is that what heaven really is like?

> Heaven? What heaven ?

> I'M A FUCKEN' RABBIT IN ARIZONA !!!

AFTERNOON QUICKIE

The only way to pull off an afternoon

quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the

balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

There's a car being towed from the parking lot, he shouted

An ambulance just drove by!

Looks like the Andersons have company,

he called out.

...Matt's riding a new bike!

Looks like the Sanders are moving!

Jason is on his skate board!

The Coopers are having sex!!

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

Jimmy Cooper's on his balcony with a Popsicle.

AMISH VACATION

An Amish family, a mother, father & son, from Pennsylvania decide to go to the New York City for the first Time in their lives.

They go into the Empire State Building and while the mother looks for a rest room, the father and son began walking around when they notice the elevator.

Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a

wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Amish family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up.

They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall drop-dead gorgeous blonde, a real stunner …

Dad quicky says,

"JUST DON'T STAND THERE YOU ASSHOLE, STICK YOUR MOTHER IN THERE!!!!

ANGRY WIFE

An angry wife calls her husband

who is late for dinner and yells to

the phone, "Where the hell are

you?"

Husband replies, "Darling, you

remember that jewelry shop

where you saw the diamond

necklace and totally fell in love

with it, and I didn’t have money

that time, and I said

‘Baby it’ll be yours one day’?"

Wife, with a smile and blushing,

replies sweetly, "Yeah I remember

that my love!"

Husband says, "Well, I’m in the

pub just next to it"

BEST TOAST

On Saturday night, John O'Reilly hoisted his