Just for Laughs

By Pauline Hinkson

A compilation of jokes, which have been carefully selected over several years from scores of emails - most of which were immediately dispatched to the Recycle bin. These are the ones that succeeded for their ability to invoke laughter again and again. Guaranteed to make you laugh, chuckle or at the very least put a wide smile on your face!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: May 13, 2014
• ISBN: 9781291869378

Book preview

to

Hello?

Hi, honey, this is Daddy .... Is your Mommy near the phone?

No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.

After a brief pause, Daddy says, But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!

Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now!

Uh, Okay, then ... here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car has just pulled up outside the house.

Okay, Daddy!

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. Well, I did what you said, Daddy.

And what happened? he asks.

Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's dead.

Oh my God!!!!! And what about Uncle Frank?

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool ... but he must have forgotten that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too.

***There is a long pause*** Then Daddy says, Swimming pool???? Is this 555 7039?

You Can't Take It With You ?

One to remember!

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

Wait just a minute! She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said,

Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.

The loyal wife replied Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?

I sure did said the wife. I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.

Prison vs. Work

Just in case you ever got the two mixed up, this should make things a bit clearer.

IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.

AT WORK.... you spend the majority of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.

AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour.

AT WORK...you get more work for good behaviour.

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors