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The Poet X
The Poet X
The Poet X
Ebook388 pages2 hours

The Poet X

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

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About this ebook

Winner of the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature, the Michael L. Printz Award, and the Pura Belpré Award!

Fans of Jacqueline Woodson, Meg Medina, and Jason Reynolds will fall hard for this astonishing New York Times-bestselling novel-in-verse by an award-winning slam poet, about an Afro-Latina heroine who tells her story with blazing words and powerful truth. 

Xiomara Batista feels unheard and unable to hide in her Harlem neighborhood. Ever since her body grew into curves, she has learned to let her fists and her fierceness do the talking.

But Xiomara has plenty she wants to say, and she pours all her frustration and passion onto the pages of a leather notebook, reciting the words to herself like prayers—especially after she catches feelings for a boy in her bio class named Aman, who her family can never know about.

With Mami’s determination to force her daughter to obey the laws of the church, Xiomara understands that her thoughts are best kept to herself. So when she is invited to join her school’s slam poetry club, she doesn’t know how she could ever attend without her mami finding out. But she still can’t stop thinking about performing her poems.

Because in the face of a world that may not want to hear her, Xiomara refuses to be silent.

“Crackles with energy and snaps with authenticity and voice.” —Justina Ireland, author of Dread Nation

“An incredibly potent debut.” Jason Reynolds, author of the National Book Award Finalist Ghost

“Acevedo has amplified the voices of girls en el barrio who are equal parts goddess, saint, warrior, and hero.” Ibi Zoboi, author of American Street

This young adult novel, a selection of the Schomburg Center's Black Liberation Reading List, is an excellent choice for accelerated tween readers in grades 6 to 8.

Plus don't miss Elizabeth Acevedo's With the Fire on High and Clap When You Land!

LanguageEnglish
PublisherHarperCollins
Release dateMar 6, 2018
ISBN9780062662828
Author

Elizabeth Acevedo

ELIZABETH ACEVEDO is the New York Times-bestselling author of The Poet X, which won the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature, the Michael L. Printz Award, the Pura Belpré Award, the Carnegie medal, the Boston Globe–Horn Book Award, and the Walter Award. She is also the author of With the Fire on High—which was named a best book of the year by the New York Public Library, NPR, Publishers Weekly, and School Library Journal—and Clap When You Land, which was a Boston Globe–Horn Book Honor book and a Kirkus finalist. She holds a BA in Performing Arts from The George Washington University and an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Maryland. Acevedo has been a fellow of Cave Canem, Cantomundo, and a participant in the Callaloo Writer’s Workshops. She is a National Poetry Slam Champion, and resides in Washington, DC with her loves.

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Rating: 4.458755655571636 out of 5 stars
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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This is a novel told in verse: slam poetry about a slam poet by a slam poet. Read by one too, not incidentally. If you're not listening to this as an audiobook you are missing out. Acevedo's voice is inextricably Xiomara's. This made my heart just ache.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I decided to bump this book up on my tbr pile because I discovered that it featured a black Latina. I think that kind of representation is important because colorism is so evident in every part of the world. In Latin America most entertainment leads are light skinned and have lightened and keratin treated soft hair leaving our darker skinned cousins without representation.Xiomara is a 15 year old Dominican American girl living in Harlem. She has a religious mother, an absent father, and a twin named Xavier that she affectionately refers to as “Twin”. Through her poems we see her true feelings about religion, sex, family, and growing up. A young Afro-Latina is given a voice through words and although it takes about 30 seconds to read each page, they’re all full of life. I’m inspired by these types of stories. Sometimes you want beautiful passages describing a neighborhood but other times you need something straight to the point. In few words I enjoy reading between the lines and imagining Xiomara’s life. I highly recommend this story for anyone wanting a glimpse of what it is like to be a biracial teenager in a religous household.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Xiomara is a character many teenagers will relate to. She's weak and strong, confident and perplexed, happy and sad. These juxtapositions add to her character and make her seem real. The verse style of writing fits perfectly. Excellent YA!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I was drawn into this book because of the hype, and it was worth every bit of it. I loved this book from the first pages, the first verses. The only reason I gave this four instead of five stars is that I perhaps over identified and there is a violation in this book that I experienced so viscerally that I couldn't get past it. (her mother burning Xiomara's notebook) Xiomara and her mother reconciled by the book's end, but I was still so mad that I couldn't get there. I really needed some more emotional work in putting that back together. Of a specific culture and moment -- yet so raw and relatable. I dare you not to fall in love with Xiomara -- especially if you were ever the sort to fill notebooks with poetry or challenge the theology in your Sunday school class.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This is the first verse novel that I have read this year. Every page makes me want to nod my head to show how every part seems relatable or somehow understandable to me. Sometimes, I feel like I’m reading a part of my life through this book, and I feel nostalgic about how some words reminds me of some happy and hurtful past. In this book, you will discover how Xiomara was raised by a family who imposed strict rules and sees religion a vital part of their life. How every move of her has bad feedbacks from her mother. How she can’t freely do something, she wanted. How writing saves her from hating her life because it is what will change her life since she discovers the slam poetry club.I admire how the author makes me like this novel. I have read a solid and moving read. There is something to learn about her in every turn of the pages. Something to learn not just about herself but also about the family she lived with, the people around her, and the issues that until now still exist. After reading it, I agree that her experiences really do happen, but some were only ignored or not entirely taken seriously by some people. This book also discusses in-depth topics that everyone should be aware of.The way it was written added more enjoyable moment for me to read it. Unlike the traditional way of writing stories, this one was written in poetry style. So, the time it took me to finish, this is only a few hours. But! In that few hours, every part of this book gives a significant impact on me, especially I, somehow, relate to her story. Also, when I was reading it, it was like someone was just telling me their stories as if that talking person is in front of me.This is really a great read, I’m telling you. I really recommend that you read this if you want to know or to feel what I experienced in reading this book. If you are a woman, read this. If you are someone who grew up in a strict and religion-centered family, you better have a copy of this book. And if you happen to become intrigued by this book, then you really should have this as your next read.Disclaimer: I received an advanced readers copy of this book from HarperCollins through Karina of Afire Pages.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Xiomara Batista doesn't seem to fit in her life. A Dominican American, she clashes with her ultra religious mother and pushes others away with her fierceness and fists. Her notebook is her life: her poetry that speaks for her. The Poet X is a powerful narrative of a young woman coming into her personal strength and changing the world for herself and her family.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    I think I've read enough YA books to know the difference between something that is aimed at young adults and something that feels like it was written by a young adult.

    I have no problem with books that deal with "issues", but when the issues come straight of a list called "YA plot points for first-time novelists", it can be a little exhausting. Finding your voice? Check. Fighting with a parent? Check. Gay brother without a fully fleshed-out story? Check. Complicated feelings about kissing? Ugh... and check.

    I love the fact that the author is a slam poetry champion and maybe this story would work better in that medium. For this reader, it didn't fully work as a novel. There are moments where the words on the page carry the weight necessary to transform them into poetry,

    but, a lot of the time,

    they're

    just sentences with

    unnecessary line breaks.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Xiomara is being pulled in all directions -- her extremely Catholic mother wants her to be a "good girl" who attends church and confirmation classes dutifully; her teacher wants her to join poetry club; all the boys at her school (and grown men elsewhere) want her body; and Xiomara isn't quite sure how to balance everything and get what she wants as well.As this is a novel in verse, I was a little hesitant going in to this book, even though it received positive acclaim and awards. However, I had nothing to fear as it was an excellent read from cover to cover. I highly recommend that audio version read by the author. Herself a slam poet, Acevedo gave the words the rhythm they called out for, making the text sing right off the page. Xiomara's voice felt so honest and real. While her specific situation may vary from others, her story is relatable enough for many teens.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Phenomenal! This book should be listened to! A young woman comes of age through her poetry and living life. The prose and poetry are powerful, evocative, and speak to being human, to coming of age, and to the struggles of identity development. "There is power in the word"!!!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The Poet X is the first generation daughter of Dominican immigrants. Xiomara has endured life in her Harlem neighborhood by developing a sharp tongue to protect herself from unwanted attention. As she navigates the first months of grade ten, and her first boyfriend, Xiomara is increasingly in conflict with her pious and judgmental mother. When a teacher encourages Xiomara to express herself by sharing her poetry, she abandons her desire to be invisible and discovers the power of having her voice heard – especially by the people who matter the most. If you have been meaning to try a book in verse, this would be a good place to start. Head over to acevedowrites.com to check out more of the author’s Award Winning Poetics.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The Poet X is an excellent YA novel written in easy-to-read free verse. Xiomara Batista ("X") is making her way through adolescence in a Harlem high school. She has a very strict Catholic mother who may be "do as I say, not as I did." X doesn't tolerate unwelcome lotharios or meanness, and sometimes has to stick up for her gentle, smart twin brother. I loved her questioning of her Catholic faith and the patriarchy impressed on her, even if her mother doesn't. X is studying for her confirmation while filled with uncertainties, and has a romance blossoming with a science partner that must be kept hidden from her parents. X loves to write poetry, and yearns to join the school's slam poetry team - which meets at the same time as confirmation class."“The world is almost peaceful when you stop trying to understand it.”“My brother was born a soft whistle:quiet, barely stirring the air, a gentle sound.But I was born all the hurricane he neededto lift - and drop- those that hurt him to the ground.”“Maybe, the only thing that has to make senseabout being somebody's friendis that you help them be their best selfon any given day. That you give them a homewhen they don't want to be in their own.”The author is a successful slam poet herself, and the writing here is easy and natural. This is about a girl struggling to find herself and her way, ready to do battle to make that happen. Because this is a YA book, the ending perhaps is a bit neater and more upbeat than it might have been. X will keep you racing through the pages and pulling for her to make it.bbbbbbb.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    The Poet XiomaraReview of the 2018 hardcover edition from HarperTeenYoung adult fiction.Beautifully written down,By the Poet X.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    A fabulous and fabulously-told story in free verse of Xiomara, a Dominican American teen trying to find her voice as a poet, trying to find her way through her first relationship with a boy, working through her resistance to confirmation classes and her mother's strict faith, and figuring out how to show her twin brother her support as he negotiates his own issues with their strict family and his identity.This Printz Award winner absolutely deserves the honor. It's an important story and I love that such a character is given a strong voice. I hope that tons of high school students get this one in their hands.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    This YA novel written in blank verse is a gem.Ninth grader Xiomara is a first generation Dominican American living in Harlem. Her mother is a strict Catholic and wants Xiomara to be that way too – but Xiomara has too many questions about God to be allowed to be confirmed with her other classmates.Her body is becoming curvacious, but her mother has mandated no dating until after college. How can her friendship with her bio partner be wrong?Her closest ally in the family is her twin brother. He's also grappling with his sexuality, but he understands Xiomara in a way no one else in his family can. He buys her a special leather bound journal to write her thoughts – which often take the form of poems. And then she is invited to join the school poetry club which once again, causes conflict with her confirmation classes.A great coming of age story as Xiomara 'The Poet X' stretches her wings to learn who she is and what is truly important to her.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Teen poet Xiomara grapples with first love, questioning faith, and her fraught relationship with her mother.I almost gave up on this book early on. The angst was nearly too much for me. However, I gave the book a second chance, and I’m glad I did. Xiomara is a character who really struggles and earns the things she accomplishes by the end of the book. There’s a lot of powerful, raw emotion here. Recommended.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Xiomara writes in her journal, her poems and thoughts that she doesn't dare say allowed to her mother, especially. Her mother is deeply religious and wants Xiomara to be confirmed - but she isn't sure what she believes, and doesn't feel heard. In her notebook, however, she can speak all the thoughts she can't say aloud.This free verse novel is really powerful, and I can definitely see why it's won the awards and acclaim it has. Xiomara's character really blooms her freshman year of high school, as her poems cover September to January, very much focusing on a new beginning for her and her family. It's a fast read, but there's so much from family ties to religion to first love and everything in between. Xiomara's voice is beautiful, and I guarantee you will cheer her on in her journey.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Xiomara is trying to be a good girl but her body, suddenly curvaceous and teaming with hormones, feels otherwise. She is a first generation American, born in the Dominican Republic, and struggles to find a balance between her old-world parents and sudden new-world demands. She finally starts confirmation class but is questioning the Catholic Church. She is forbidden to date boys yet develops feelings for her lab partner and they sneak off for casual dates. Her mother seems tyrannical and her father is silent. Her twin, a certifiable genius unlike Xio, has a big secret of his own. Xio is trying to control her temper (after all, she was born feet first, ready to fight) with words. Her English teacher turns her on to Def Jam Poetry and, finally, Xiomara finds her voice. A beautifully written novel in verse with a powerful message of the power of poetry.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo is a novel in verse about a young Afro-Latina named Xiomara who lives in Harlem and is uncomfortable in her curvy new body. With this new body she cannot hide and has to protect herself. One of the ways that she hides her feelings is writing poetry, but she hides this, until she becomes a part of a slam poetry club and things change drastically. This is a beautifully written book that shows the power of a young lady and how strength can pull you up.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I received an Early Reviewers copy of The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo from LibraryThing. This is a novel powerfully written in verse. The beginning was a little slow for me, but at about the halfway point, it hooked me and I finished it in one day. It’s definitely YA, but if you spend/have spent any time with teenage girls and/or remember being a teenage girl, you will appreciate it. I teach high school ESL, and this is definitely going on my wish list for a classroom set.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    "I will neverwrite a singlepoemever again.I will neverlet anyonesee my full heartand destroy it."Wow. Where was this book when I was in high school? I needed this book back then and I am so glad that it exists today. "I am unhide-able....Which is why I learned to shrug when my name was replaced by insults.I've forced my skin just as thick as I am."This was utterly amazing. Told in verse, it doesn’t shy away from the confusion and emotions of being a teenage girl, particularly one raised in a strict religious family who doesn’t quiet fit in with them. Xiomara is the child of immigrants and developed early physically. She struggles to find her place and her identity in her home, in school, in the world. I absolutely loved how real and raw she was."Just because your father's presetdoesn't mean he isn't absent."I wished I highlighted books because I stopped so often to write down or take a picture of a page. I would have highlighted this whole book if I could. It was that good. "The world is almost peacefulwhen you stop tryingto understand it."This has been on my radar for a while and I was lucky to get a copy from LibraryThing.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    An absolute triumph. The poetry is exquisite, powerful, nuanced, and timely. The story unfolds so delicately, but is so engrossing. I couldn't put it down. This was unlike anything I've ever read. I'm out of compliments. Loved it
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Xiomara is from a Dominican immigrant family. Her mother is extremely religious, and wants Xiomara to grow up in her mold. But Xiomara has her own throughts and since they are not to be expressed at home, she confides them in poetry in a writing journal. The chance to join a poetry club at school and perform in a slam excite her, but she can't let her mother know.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Beautiful book. Xiomara's strict mother doesn't approve of or understand her. Boys make comments about her body. She secretly falls for her lab partner. Her perfect brother has secrets of her own. The poetry that she writes, in which she pours out her innermost thoughts, must be hidden from her mother.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    I was so excited to get my hands on this.And lord did it live up to the hype.It is at once a love letter to growing up and a filing of a complaint against a world that forces growing up onto girls.Acevedo's lyrical writing is the perfect format for her heroine, X, as she navigates family, friends, faith, and her own true self.Even though we had different experiences in our formative years, X's struggles resonated deeply with me which I think is a testament both to the magic of the book and the systemic suffocation girls and women face when it comes to finding our voices and our bodies.I was both excited and a little nervous about the poetry format but it flows and fits so well that I can't think of this story told any other wat. It delivers an otherwise good book as a really powerful punch.If you haven't read this, please, oh, please, do so.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    Some novels-in-verse read like separate poems strung together as story. The Poet X reads like a novel first—with the bonus that it's told in verse through the strong voice of Xiomara.Early on, 15-year-old Xiomara explains her tough exterior. She is tall and well-developed. The boys call to her and grab her. Jealous girls talk about her. "When your body takes up more room than your voice / you are always the target of well-aimed rumors, / which is why I let my knuckles talk for me." In truth, she's never even held hands with a boy because her religiously zealous, harsh, Catholic mother forbids it. Her father isn't much help. Seemingly present in body only, he said at her complicated birth, "Pero, tú no eres fácil." / You sure ain't an easy one." Her twin brother is a genius but "was birthed a soft whistle: quiet, barely stirring the air, a gentle sound." Another reason for bleeding knuckles. Xiomara protects him.She does have a solid best friend, and sometimes in life, that's why we survive. Opposite in every way, they shouldn't be friends, but Xiomara says, "Caridad knows me in ways I don't have to explain. / Can see one of my tantrums coming a mile off . . ." Then there's her new tenth grade English teacher. Ms. Galiano recognizes her writing talent and tries to coax her to join the poetry club. She doesn't tell her teacher that the poetry club conflicts with confirmation class. Her mother would never let her miss that. And Aman, the boy she likes, conflicts with everything else her mother demands. The story moves along at a good pace with just enough tension and drama and light moments to let you see into Xiomara's heart, along with glimpses into the struggles her brother faces. (Might there be a future book from his point of view?) Part three (of three) made me cry (tears of anguish and then of hope).It's not just the story that makes this book stand out. It's the poetry. From the clever titles (a struggle for most poets) to the different forms to the imagery to the way it sounds out loud, there wasn't a single poem I disliked. I've never read a poetry book where I liked every single poem.My one small gripe is that Acevedo sometimes repeats information (her brother being older or her like for apples or ice skating when they were younger). Readers (especially poetry readers) pay attention. It's almost an insult to tell us again to make sure we didn't miss it the first time. That's a small quibble and one that maybe wouldn't be noticed anyway. I highly recommend this book for teenagers, the adults in their lives, and poetry lovers in general.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    My Takeaway

    “Pero, tú no eres fácil.”
    You sure ain’t an easy one.”
    The Poet X

    ¡Mira muchacha (Look girl) -- your book kept me up until 1:30am! Pero (but), I'm not complaining because it was sooo worth losing a few hours of sleep. This magnificent poetry book is a SLAM dunk!! The Poet X evoked so many emotions and memories of my childhood and (very) Dominican upbringing. Acevedo is a master of words and I am in awe of how her poems have profoundly touched my soul. I found so many similarities and aha moments in the book. To start, my momma did not play! She was just as strict and religious (Pentecostal) as Xiomara's mother. Also, my brother and I were not allowed to speak any English at home because she wanted us to be able to communicate and understand family members who did not speak Ingles (like my dad and grandparents). Just like Xiomara, we had to go to church every Sunday and it was an all-day event. Likewise, I was not allowed any boyfriends (not that this stopped me from having them). And though The Poet X was not around when I was a teen, boy am I glad it's here now. My 15-year-old self and young daughters cannot thank Acevedo enough for this stunning work of literature. Oh, and don't even get me started on how beautiful the cover is. I love this book and it is now a top favorite and one I will read again and again (pa que sepa).
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    _The Poet X_ is highly engaging and confronts many of the issues that young people have with family, friends, dating, and identity. Hopefully even reluctant/resistant readers will get hooked, mainly because the verse structure maximizes power per word. I took one star off because the ending is a little too tidy.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    A novel in verse, this is one of those books that gains so much as an audiobook. Xiomara (the poet X) is a high schooler, the child of Dominican immigrants, a twin (her brother is "the smart one"), and a poet.One of her high school teachers suggests she join the poetry club, and to sign up for a slam poetry event--which conflicts with confirmation class. She decides to go anyway. As expected, her very Catholic and strict mother finds out.I am far removed from high school, but some of the things Xiomara is struggling with are things I remember well. (Others were never my thing--like performing LOL). Her struggles very much ring true.Acevedo narrates this book herself, and it is fantastic. She reads it as slam poetry, and it feels like sitting in a cafe, listening to Xiomara perform. I do not think I would have enjoyed this nearly so much on paper.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5
    5 stars

    A NEW FAVORITE!!

    This was relatable on so many levels. As a poetry writting Latina child, born of a mother who wanted to be a nun and whose strict cultural and religious rules divided us in places only poetry could heal, in ways God promised. Man...I felt this in my bones.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Coming-of-age story told in verse with a likable protagonist who has so many things she can't control stacked against her but learns how to make herself heard and respected and sticks to her convictions, even in the throes of first love.

Book preview

The Poet X - Elizabeth Acevedo

Part I

In the Beginning

Was the Word

Friday, August 24

Stoop-Sitting

The summer is made for stoop-sitting

and since it’s the last week before school starts,

Harlem is opening its eyes to September.

I scope out this block I’ve always called home.

Watch the old church ladies, chancletas flapping

against the pavement, their mouths letting loose a train

of island Spanish as they spread he said, she said.

Peep Papote from down the block

as he opens the fire hydrant

so the little kids have a sprinkler to run through.

Listen to honking cabs with bachata blaring

from their open windows

compete with basketballs echoing from the Little Park.

Laugh at the viejos—my father not included—

finishing their dominoes tournament with hard slaps

and yells of Capicu!

Shake my head as even the drug dealers posted up

near the building smile more in the summer, their hard scowls

softening into glue-eyed stares in the direction

of the girls in summer dresses and short shorts:

Ayo, Xiomara, you need to start wearing dresses like that!

Shit, you’d be wifed up before going back to school.

Especially knowing you church girls are all freaks.

But I ignore their taunts, enjoy this last bit of freedom,

and wait for the long shadows to tell me

when Mami is almost home from work,

when it’s time to sneak upstairs.

Unhide-able

I am unhide-able.

Taller than even my father, with what Mami has always said

was a little too much body for such a young girl.

I am the baby fat that settled into D-cups and swinging hips

so that the boys who called me a whale in middle school

now ask me to send them pictures of myself in a thong.

The other girls call me conceited. Ho. Thot. Fast.

When your body takes up more room than your voice

you are always the target of well-aimed rumors,

which is why I let my knuckles talk for me.

Which is why I learned to shrug when my name was replaced by insults.

I’ve forced my skin just as thick as I am.

Mira, Muchacha

Is Mami’s favorite way to start a sentence

and I know I’ve already done something wrong

when she hits me with: Look, girl. . . .

This time it’s "Mira, muchacha, Marina from across the street

told me you were on the stoop again talking to los vendedores."

Like usual, I bite my tongue and don’t correct her,

because I hadn’t been talking to the drug dealers;

they’d been talking to me. But she says she doesn’t

want any conversation between me and those boys,

or any boys at all, and she better not hear about me hanging out

like a wet shirt on a clothesline just waiting to be worn

or she would go ahead and be the one to wring my neck.

Oíste? she asks, but walks away before I can answer.

Sometimes I want to tell her, the only person in this house

who isn’t heardis me.

Names

I’m the only one in the family

without a biblical name.

Shit, Xiomara isn’t even Dominican.

I know, because I Googled it.

It means: One who is ready for war.

And truth be told, that description is about right

because I even tried to come into the world

in a fighting stance: feet first.

Had to be cut out of Mami

after she’d given birth

to my twin brother, Xavier, just fine.

And my name labors out of some people’s mouths

in that same awkward and painful way.

Until I have to slowly say:

See-oh-MAH-ruh.

I’ve learned not to flinch the first day of school

as teachers get stuck stupid trying to figure it out.

Mami says she thought it was a saint’s name.

Gave me this gift of battle and now curses

how well I live up to it.

My parents probably wanted a girl who would sit in the pews

wearing pretty florals and a soft smile.

They got combat boots and a mouth silent

until it’s sharp as an island machete.

The First Words

Pero, tú no eres fácil

is a phrase I’ve heard my whole life.

When I come home with my knuckles scraped up:

Pero, tú no eres fácil.

When I don’t wash the dishes quickly enough,

or when I forget to scrub the tub:

Pero, tú no eres fácil.

Sometimes it’s a good thing,

when I do well on an exam or the rare time I get an award:

Pero, tú no eres fácil.

When my mother’s pregnancy was difficult,

and it was all because of me,

because I was turned around

and they thought that I would die

or worse,

that I would kill her,

so they held a prayer circle at church

and even Father Sean showed up at the emergency room,

Father Sean, who held my mother’s hand

as she labored me into the world,

and Papi paced behind the doctor,

who said this was the most difficult birth she’d been a part of

but instead of dying I came out wailing,

waving my tiny fists,

and the first thing Papi said,

the first words I ever heard,

Pero, tú no eres fácil.

You sure ain’t an easy one.

Mami Works

Cleaning an office building in Queens.

Rides two trains in the early morning

so she can arrive at the office by eight.

She works at sweeping, and mopping,

emptying trash bins, and being invisible.

Her hands never stop moving, she says.

Her fingers rubbing the material of plastic gloves

like the pages of her well-worn Bible.

Mami rides the train in the afternoon,

another hour and some change to get to Harlem.

She says she spends her time reading verses,

getting ready for the evening Mass,

and I know she ain’t lying, but if it were me

I’d prop my head against the metal train wall,

hold my purse tight in my lap, close my eyes

against the rocking, and try my best to dream.

Tuesday, August 28

Confirmation Class

Mami has wanted me to take the sacrament

of confirmation for three years now.

The first year, in eighth grade, the class got full

before we could sign up, and even with all her heavenly pull

Mami couldn’t get a spot for Twin and me.

Father Sean told her it’d be fine if we waited.

Last year, Caridad, my best friend, extended her trip in D.R.

right when we were supposed to begin the classes,

so I asked if I could wait another year.

Mami didn’t like it, but since she’s friends with Caridad’s mother

Twin went ahead and did the class without me.

This year, Mami has filled out the forms,

signed me up, and marched me to church

before I can tell her that Jesus feels like a friend

I’ve had my whole childhood

who has suddenly become brand-new;

who invites himself over too often, who texts me too much.

A friend I just don’t think I need anymore.

(I know, I know . . . even writing that is blasphemous.)

But I don’t know how to tell Mami that this year,

it’s not about feeling unready,

it’s about knowing that this doubt has already been confirmed.

God

It’s not any one thing

that makes me wonder

about the capital G.O.D.

About a holy trinity

that don’t include the mother.

It’s all the things.

Just seems as I got older

I began to really see

the way that church

treats a girl like me differently.

Sometimes it feels

all I’m worth is under my skirt

and not between my ears.

Sometimes I feel

that turning the other cheek

could get someone like my brother killed.

Sometimes I feel

my life would be easier

if I didn’t feel like such a debt

to a God

that don’t really seem

to beout herecheckingfor me.

Mami, I Say to Her on the Walk Home

The words sit in my belly,

and I use my nerves

like a pulley to lift

them out of my mouth.

"Mami, what if I don’t

do confirmation?

What if I waited a bit for—"

But she cuts me off,

her index finger a hard exclamation point

in front of my face.

Mira, muchacha,

she starts, "I will

feed and clothe no heathens."

She tells me I owe it to

God and myself to devote.

She tells me this country is too soft

and gives kids too many choices.

She tells me if I don’t confirm here

she will send me to D.R.,

where the priests and nuns know

how to elicit true piety.

I look at her scarred knuckles.

I know exactly how she was taught

faith.

When You’re Born to Old Parents

Who’d given up hope for children

and then are suddenly gifted with twins,

you will be hailed a miracle.

An answered prayer.

A symbol of God’s love.

The neighbors will make the sign of the cross

when they see you,

thankful you were not a tumor

in your mother’s belly

like the whole barrio feared.

When You’re Born to Old Parents, Continued

Your father will never touch rum again.

He will stop hanging out at the bodega

where the old men go to flirt.

He will no longer play music

that inspires swishing or thrusting.

You will not grow up listening

to the slow pull of an accordion

or rake of the güira.

Your father will become un hombre serio.

Merengue might be your people’s music

but Papi will reject anything

that might sing him toward temptation.

When You’re Born to Old Parents, Continued Again

Your mother will engrave

your name on a bracelet,

the words Mi Hija on the other side.

This will be your favorite gift.

This will become a despised shackle.

Your mother will take to church

like a dove thrust into the sky.

She was faithful before, but now

she will go to Mass every single day.

You will be forced to go with her

until your knees learn the splinters of pews,

the mustiness of incense,

the way a priest’s robe tries to shush silent

all the echoing doubts

ringing in your heart.

The Last Word on Being Born to Old Parents

You will learn to hate it.

No one, not even your twin brother,

will understand the burden

you feel because of your birth;

your mother has sight for nothing

but you two and God;

your father seems to be serving

a penance, an oath of solitary silence.

Their gazes and words

are heavy with all the things

they want you to be.

It is ungrateful to feel like a burden.

It is ungrateful to resent my own birth.

I know that      Twin and I are miracles.

Aren’t we reminded every single day?

Rumor Has It,

Mami was a comparona:

stuck-up, they said, head high in the air,

hair that flipped so hard

that shit was doing somersaults.

Mami was born en La Capital,

in a barrio of thirst buckets

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