The World’s Best Xxx Rated Joke Book

By Richard Laneau

Whether you are a comedian appearing at the comedy clubs and looking for the right joke for your routine, a business person looking for the right story to break the ice, or just a person who loves humor... This book is for you.

Yes! This is the world’s best collection of XXX rated adult jokes, with a few old, and some new; many are borrowed and most are definitely blue. These funny stories and one-liners have been tested and found to be universally successful with many having stood the test of time.

The World’s Best XXX Rated Joke Book is the perfect gift for anyone who loves to laugh. If you like adult XXX humor, this book is guaranteed to bring a smile and chase the day-to-day boredom. You deserve a copy, to give yourself a fun break. Buy an extra copy for a friend in the hospital to laugh themselves well, for an acquaintance going on a boring trip, or for your brother-in-law just sent to prison!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 4, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664188150

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Copyright © 2021 by Richard Laneau.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 08/03/2021

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INTRODUCTION

Since I was ten years old I made notes about every XXX rated joke I heard. As I held many different jobs in various and interesting occupations where I knew many storytellers, I had an opportunity to hear many jokes.

This is a collection of the jokes and stories that I enjoyed the most. I am not a prejudiced person and mean no offense to any nationality, sex, religion, or color. Many Jewish stories were told to me by my Jewish friends as well as black friends telling stories about black people, etc. You have to read the stories in the dialect, brogue, or vocabulary of the people associated with the story to get the full meaning and enjoyment.

Humor is a great equalizer of all levels and classes of people. If we don’t laugh at ourselves and some of the things we do, our lives would be very dull.

You don’t have to be a great comedian to be the center of attraction at any gathering of your friends or parties. Pick a few of your favorites from these jokes and pass them on to other adults.

THIS BOOK IS INTENDED FOR

ADULTS ONLY

The Texan’s widow called the undertaker to pick up her husband’s body for burial. When he arrived he took one look at the seven-foot-five-inch corpse and said he didn’t have a coffin big enough to bury her husband so he couldn’t help her out. She called in two other funeral directors and received the same answer from both of them. Neither had a big enough coffin. In desperation she called a new funeral parlor director that had recently moved to Texas. As he was taking the body out of the house with his helper the widow said, Are you sure you will be able to get a coffin big enough for him? The funeral director said, No problem, Ma’am, I give all large Texans an enema and can usually bury them in a shoe box.

X X X

The lifeguard stopped the hotel guest and said, Mr. Jones I have been watching you for the past few days, and I have to ask you to stop urinating in the hotel swimming pool. But everyone urinates in the pool, Mr. Jones replied. Maybe so, replied the lifeguard, but you are the only one I see doing it from the high diving board.

He was a real tough laborer and had to go to the hospital for observation. Not long after he was assigned a bed he called for the nurse. Hey, nurse, I have to take a shit, he exclaimed. The nurse was very upset by his remark and gave him quite a lecture. If you have this problem again I want you to say you have to do number two, the nurse informed him. A few hours later another man was assigned to the other bed in the room, and it wasn’t long before he felt the need to go to the bathroom. He asked Mike what he should do. Mike again hollered for the nurse and told her, Hey give this guy a number. He also has to take a shit.

X X X

The man walked into the drug store and was a little embarrassed when he found the druggist was a woman. May I help you? She asked. The man asked if there was a male druggist around as he was a little shy about his problem. The druggist explained she owned the drug store with her sister, who was also a druggist, and said she could help him no matter what the problem was. The man said, OK, then lowered his pants and underwear to reveal a 12-inch erect cock. My problem is I can’t get this thing to go down. What can you give me for it? Wait a minute, she replied, I’ll have to confer with my sister. A few minutes later the druggist returned and said, How about $2,000 and a one-third interest in this store?

X X X

A lady was telling her best friend about how her alcoholic husband got drunk every night, staggered home, rushed to the kitchen sink to vomit, turned on the kitchen light to clean up his mess and then went to bed. She asked her friend for ideas to cure him. Her friend suggested she buy a chicken that had not been cleaned out, remove its insides and place them in the sink. When the husband turned on the lights to clean up his mess he would think he had vomited his insides and that should cure his drinking problem. The lady bought the chicken, cleaned it out and placed its guts in her kitchen sink before going to bed. Later in the evening her drunken husband staggered home as usual and headed for the kitchen sink as scheduled. She could hear him heaving and heaving then noticed the beam of light coming from the kitchen so she knew he had turned on the lights. He usually only spent five minutes before coming to bed, but after an hour passed the wife could take the waiting no longer. She got up and