The Type A's Guide To BDSM Scenes

By Pete Riggs

The Ultimate Guide For Planning BDSM Scenes!

Within this book is a step by step process, illustrated with stories, for how to plan your very own BDSM scene - whether you're experienced, intermediate, or brand new!

 

The Type A's Guide To BDSM Scene's was designed to give you every bit of knowledge necessary to plan ANY kind of BDSM scene, via a repeatable process and the key principles to make every scene a success. Written after ten years of experience and testing, this process has lead to amazing scenes with all kinds of people. Now you can learn and apply that process too. 

 

All kinds of questions are answered here.

• How to work out what you like and enjoy

• How to learn your partner's kinks, and how best to play with them

• What the most common kink themes are

• The usefulness of role play

• The structure of a good scene

• A huge list of ideas to get started with

• How to plan your dirty talk, and why that's useful

• How to do a scene with few to no toys

• How to plan for shorter or longer scenes – days, even a week.

• Even how to do a scene with someone you've just met!

 

And not only that – there are real world examples of scenes that have happened in real life, and the planning that went into them; what made them work, and what made them hot.

 

You get to see the planning, the scene itself, and the lessons learned when some mistakes were made.

 

After reading this guide, you will have the knowledge and the confidence to plan any kind of kink scene - whether you've known your person for a short time or a long time. You'll know what questions to ask, how to adjust for changes in circumstances, and you'll have the power to create an incredibly pleasurable time for both you and your partners. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Peter Stewart
• Release date: Nov 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223927686

Pete Riggs

Pete Riggs is a BDSM educator and author based in New Zealand. He has taught rope classes in New Zealand to couples and groups, and is the author of the blog Rope Connections, which has helped over 100,000 people!  Pete has a great time sharing information he's learned through study, practice, mistakes, and experimentation in the realms of rope bondage. He's not bashful about pointing out where he's gone wrong so that you don't make the same mistakes.  The focus of Pete's writing, while incorporating the practical techniques of rope bondage, is geared towards facilitating newcomers to understanding not just technique, but how, why, and when to use it to create the best possible time in intimate and bedroom situations. It's not just about skill; it's about love, fun, and connection. 

Book preview

Introduction:

Hello! Welcome to the wonderful world of BDSM, amazing sex, and hot scenes.

Maybe you’ve already been here awhile, maybe you’re just starting out, or maybe you’re just like me and you’re always up for learning something new and adding to what you already know.

Either way, welcome! Nice to meet you.

My name is Pete Riggs; I’m a BDSM author, a Top, a Dominant, and an all-round nerd and enthusiast for kinky fun.

I’ve been actively involved in BDSM and kink for a little over ten years now. As a writer, I’ve been taking notes on what works well and what doesn’t. You’ll find a lot of them on my website, Rope Connections, or in my previous book, Rope Bondage the Smart Way.

I originally started learning about rope bondage due to a delightfully kinky girlfriend I was very attached to way back when. She was into all kinds of kink and BDSM, and while I had done some kinky things in the past, I hadn’t been particularly informed about it.

So, being the super nerdy and Type A person that I am, I decided to spend a lot of time learning about kink and BDSM and developing a good set of principles for practicing it. I practiced skills, went to workshops, learned a lot online, and used all of it in planning and performing BDSM scenes with my girlfriend, and later with other partners. I picked up a lot of skills, including rope bondage, and began sharing a lot of that information on my blog - Learn one, do one, teach one, as they say.

Since then, while I have taught classes and done one-on-one teaching and mentoring, my favorite way to pass on BDSM learning and education has been through creating extensive, detailed guides that teach all the ins and outs of the subject. Hence my first book, Rope Bondage the Smart Way, and now this one.

At this stage, I can’t even count the number of BDSM scenes I’ve done. There have been too many, of many different kinds. There are still quite a few kinds of scenes I haven’t done yet - and I’m looking forward to trying them out.

Most importantly, over the last ten years, I’ve collected a great set of tools for planning and creating hot BDSM scenes, which I’m excited to share with you. I love passing on useful information!

This particular guide on the art of planning BDSM scenes came about for two reasons.

Reason One: I got a request from a reader for more information on planning and creating BDSM scenes. I’d provided a good amount of  material in my last book, but he was keen for more.

Reason Two: It turned out that this is a really common issue for a lot of people starting out, and even for people who have been into kink for a while. Planning and crafting kinky scenes without a guide can be difficult.

I keep coming across people on Fetlife or Reddit looking for information on how to plan or create a scene, and the answers are usually short paragraphs that give a little bit of information, but not a lot.

So hey, here's an entire toolbox of useful ideas and education that will aid you in planning your scenes.

This guide is written primarily for Tops or Dominant types because we’re usually the ones who are putting together scenes. We do so with the consent and cooperation of our play partners, and with a lot of their input, but we’re usually the ones doing most of the planning and preparation.

That being said, this guide can also be shared between partners so that you’re both on the same page about your scenes and the kind of thinking that can go into planning them. If you’re into planning your scenes together, then perhaps you can both get some good value out of it, and in that case, fantastic!

This guide is primarily about general principles and tools that can be used or left on the shelf, depending on your situation. The ideas presented here tend to be useful in general, but there are always specific things to be considered in practice. The person, their particular kinks, your particular kinks, your environment, personalities, what have you.

So while I do want you to benefit from what’s in this guide, I also want you to be prepared to adapt what you’ve learned here to specific situations in your life.

Take what’s useful; if it’s not useful for your particular situation, feel free to leave that idea on the shelf and try something different.

This guide is designed to give you the tools and knowledge you need to be able to come up with good scenes relatively quickly, or even on the fly. It’s going to provide you with the foundation of knowledge and a process that will make everything far easier - short-cutting years of practice, experience, and mistakes.

There will still be occasional mistakes, but not nearly as many. Your journey and your scenes will be smoother, and you and your partner will be happier because you’ll already have a good idea of what you’re doing.

Why Is This Process Important?

I’m going to illustrate that with a couple of stories.

John decides he’s going to do a scene with his wife. He knows she’s into spanking and flogging, so he decides to surprise her that evening with a scene, after which he’s confident that he’s going to get laid and have a great time. He’s flogged her before when she requested it, and it was great.

When he orders her to get into the bedroom, his wife is greatly surprised but goes along with it. He commands her to strip, pushes her against the wall, picks up the flogger, and starts using it on her. He does this for about two minutes, smacking her hard and fast, before she suddenly pushes away from the wall.

John thinks, great! She’s all turned on and ready to fuck!

Then he sees her face and realizes that she’s upset. That’s weird. He thought she liked flogging.

His wife informs him that was horrible, she wasn’t ready, she needed some warning to get into the proper headspace, and that he was hitting too hard from the start - she needed a warm-up and to work up to that level gradually. She’s really upset.

John is at a total loss and doesn’t know what to do. He puts the flogger down and puts his head in his hands.

Then there’s Kim. She and her partner are also into flogging, along with a few other things. Kim and her partner mention in passing to each other that it’s been a while since they’ve done a scene, and they decide it might be nice to do one later in the weekend. Kim heads out for a walk and starts planning a scene based on what she knows works well for her partner. She opens her phone and runs through a checklist. She thinks about what she wants to happen in the scene, what her partner likes, how to order and arrange things, and what to do if they need to stop suddenly. When she gets back, she checks in with her partner about a couple of things.

Later that evening, Kim and her partner have a scene. It doesn’t go quite as Kim planned, but it is close to what she imagined, and she and her partner have an amazing time. Afterwards, they cuddle in bed and watch a fluffy movie on the laptop, snuggling and petting each other before falling asleep.

There’s this old military adage that applies well here. It’s sometimes referred to as The 7 P’s.

Proper Preparation and Planning Prevent Piss Poor Performance.

Putting some planning into your scene can make for a far more amazing time. That was where John fucked up. He didn’t think about all the different factors that can influence a good scene, communicate with his partner, check in with her, or put much thought into the scene at all.

As we saw in the example with Kim, putting some thought and planning into a scene increases you and your partner’s chances of success and having a good time.

That’s one of the secrets of the more successful Tops and Dominants in the BDSM scene. Our scenes will often look magical and effortless and like we just knew what to do - but that’s because we have a process. We have a system by which we come up with and execute our scenes, and the system becomes a habit, even for on-the-fly and impromptu scenes.

Overplanning, on the other hand, isn’t helpful. I recommend against that. It’s important to keep some flexibility and be prepared to adapt because things very rarely happen exactly as you expect.

The reality is that planning and executing a scene is an art and the actual execution of your plan will always require some degree of adaptation to shifting circumstances. That being said, because you’ve already done most of your thinking and made most of your decisions in your initial plan… it leaves you with enough capacity to adjust on the fly instead of having to make it ALL up in the moment.

So I recommend creating a general plan, with the expectation that some adaptation will be required. This guide will give you the tools to do that.

Planning will be slower at first but will speed up with time and practice.

When you’re planning a new scene for the first time, it’s not uncommon for it to take a while. It may take hours. This might be all at once, or it might be spread out over a week or so.

That’s okay. It’s normal. It means you’re thinking things through. That’s a good thing.

Over time, as your experience increases, and you’ve gained practice, planning will speed up. The process will become second nature to you, and you’ll already know the answers to many of the things you’ll need to consider.

And eventually, depending on the scene and the person, you’ll be able to plan a new scene in ten minutes or less.

If it’s primarily around a kink I’m familiar with (for example, rope bondage), and I’m playing with someone I know well, then planning a scene takes very little time. Maybe five minutes of thinking, and then some adaptation here and there.

However, if it’s a new type of kink, a new kind of scene, a new person, or a new environment, I’ll still take my time planning a scene. I’ll want to make sure I have all the information I need first before we begin.

I might spend quite a bit of time thinking it through. And that’s fine. My partner probably won’t know. It may appear to be magical and to have just happened, but the likelihood is that I’ve thought about things extensively beforehand.

Just before to writing this guide, I was considering a whole new type of a scene that neither myself nor my pet had tried before, and I spent about two hours deliberately gathering information and thinking it through because I wanted it to go well. And that was before I’d even started the physical preparation.

So while I want to reassure you that not all scenes will take a long time to plan and that you WILL get faster with practice, I also want to let you know that from time to time, you will still need to take your time thinking things through, and that’s fine, too.

How This Guide Is Set Up:

The first part of the guide includes the essential foundations for BDSM and planning a scene. I never know how much previous BDSM education a person has when picking up one of my books, so I tend to include the most important core concepts as part of it.

The second part covers the detailed elements and considerations to use when doing the actual planning - ideas, the structure of the scene, how you’ll begin and end the scene, how to arouse your partner before the scene, planning clothing and outfits, etc.

The third part covers pre-scene preparation; what you might have to do and consider when you’re doing the actual preparation. The environment, the toys, the skills, and even setting your mood and expectations.

Finally, there’s a chapter full of case studies and examples, showing you what it all looks like and what happens in practice. All of these happened in real life - complete with those last-minute adaptations!

There’s also a