Dr. Rob and Tami help define what the definition of true recovery is in this week’s episode. If you or a spouse is ‘sober’ that doesn’t always mean they’re on a path of recovery. Dr. Rob shares some signs that show you’re actually making progress towards becoming a better person. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about why it can take so long for a sober addict to actually ‘be’ a good person that can connect empathically with their spouse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Is remorse necessary for recovery and healing? My SA hasn’t demonstrated any remorse throughout his recovery.  [4:35] What is the definition of recovery?  [6:25] My husband has trouble connecting emotionally. Will he ever be able to authentically connect with me?  [10:30] Just because they’re sober doesn’t mean they’re automatically going to be nice to you. This process takes time.  [11:05] My heart still aches that my SA acted out for the last 15+ years with friends of mine. I’m having trouble pretending it never happened.  [12:00] Dr. Rob can tell based on how an addict in treatment talks and whether they’re talking sobriety seriously or not. When they leave treatment, that’s just the first step on a long journey.  [15:00] Unfortunately, you won’t be able to look at this person again.  [18:10] As a betrayed spouse, your whole world has been poisoned. It makes sense why the brain can’t just ‘forget’ that.  [19:25] What is hyperphantasia?  [23:10] An affair partner reached out to me. I blocked her. My spouse is still upset that this woman reached out and wants to verify whether one of this woman’s children is biologically mine. This would mean unblocking the affair partner to ask her. What can I do to comfort her?  [25:25] Betrayed spouses can hyper fixate on the why and get stuck in the process. They want to bring the affair partner in thinking it’ll lead to closure. It won’t.    RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss