Hoovering: When Your ex Manipulates you to Return

By Marcus W. Oliver

Has it ever happened to you that you have ended a toxic relationship, but your ex-partner keeps trying to manipulate you into getting back together? If you've been through this, you know how difficult it can be to break that cycle and free yourself from the influence of your ex-partner.

The phenomenon you are facing is known as "hoovering", and it is a manipulative pattern in which your ex-partner tries to control you, make you feel guilty, and create an emotional dependency in you so that you will return to them. This pattern can be extremely dangerous and detrimental to your mental and emotional health.

In our book, "Hoovering: When Your Ex Manipulates You To Come Back", we explain in detail this psychological phenomenon, its origins, consequences, and ways to deal with it. In addition, we offer you information on related phenomena, such as sadness, rejection of abandonment, emotional and physical violence, low self-esteem, toxic relationships, and cycles of violence.

In this book, you will also find treatments and prevention ways so that you can free yourself from the influence of your ex-partner and recover your power and self-esteem. We offer you the necessary tools and resources so that you can overcome this manipulative pattern and learn to establish healthy and positive relationships in the future.

Do not let your ex-partner continue to control your life. With "Hoovering: When Your Ex Manipulates You To Come Back," you'll be equipped with the knowledge and skills to break free of this manipulative pattern and regain control of your emotional life, beginning your path to living emotionally healthy and free.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Editorial Anuket
• Release date: Nov 9, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223111542

Book preview

Chapter 1

Introduction

to Hoovering's concept

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The term hoovering is used to describe a pattern of behavior in which a person who has ended a relationship contacts their ex-partner again with the aim of emotionally manipulating them and possibly trying to resume the relationship. This behavior can be intentional or unconscious, it can be a symptom of a personality disorder, or simply a way to get attention or exert power over the other person.

The term hoovering comes from the brand name Hoover, a company that makes vacuum cleaners. The term was popularized by the British clinical psychologist and writer, Dr. Martha Stout, who used it in her book The Sociopath Next Door to describe how people with personality disorders can suck up their ex-partners like a vacuum cleaner.

Since then, the term hoovering has spread and been used in popular parlance to describe a wide range of manipulative and controlling behaviors in interpersonal relationships. The evolution of the term reflects a greater awareness and understanding of how manipulative behavior patterns can harm people and affect their relationships.

Therefore, the term hoovering is used to describe the manipulative and controlling (sucking) behavior of a person (usually narcissistic) who seeks to contact their ex-partner with the aim of possibly resuming the relationship or simply exercising power over him/her; that is, return to the cycles of toxic relationships. Someone who aspires fears that her target will walk away from him, so he may engage in love bombing campaigns, staged crises, stalking, or smears to absorb all of his target's time, energy, and attention.

It must be understood that those who execute the hoovering, in their essence, are insecure, and have a pressing need to be accepted by society, in order to feed their need for self-esteem. They are addicted to the ups and downs of a dysfunctional relationship.

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What does a reality show us?

Narcissists are proven to be dangerous and can negatively affect our happiness, so if you come across one, turn around and get rid of them ASAP.

Narcissists, manipulators, perverts, energy vampires, and other demonic personalities seem to flood every corner of the earth; That is why the question is how to detect, avoid or eradicate them.

In my opinion, the chance to meet a truly dangerous and destructive person in real life, whom you need to get rid of, is rare. For the most part, based on the psychological records of therapists, quite ordinary people are documented as narcissists or manipulators, whose behavior we don't like for some reason. That is, for our ego, it is convenient to label the other as problematic or sick instead of seeing our own mistakes. We are all unfit for different people in certain circumstances and at different stages of life. This is not bad at all, because, in the same way, we can choose who we want by our side, and reject others; And as if that were not enough, when they reject us, we can know our fucked up side (which we all have) and be able to modify it.

However, it must be admitted, there are (for not finding a better word in psychology) true sons of bitches, or toxic women who only feel comfortable doing harm, and who must be taken care of.

To be warned, if an affective bond can prosper (either if they are getting to know each other or if a reconciliation is sought), attention must be paid to how the relationship develops and the way each of the members expresses themselves.

Worth considering: If you are ignored, if he/she shows no interest, or does not call or text, it is possible that he/she will disappear for a long time. Then he shows up and you find him very excited. You will surely be glad to contact him again. When meeting, the conversation will always revolve around the interests of the other, their experiences, and their needs of her.

If you go on such a path, it is worth letting go of the illusion that this relationship still exists and stopping trying to restore it.

Do not doubt it, you are being used. You play a secondary role in this relationship and they only remember you when they need to complain about life, ask for help, or want a good night. You are a function, not a person, and your interests, feelings, and experiences are not taken into account at all.

We all like to feel loved, but it must be remembered that a sentimental or friendship relationship is interesting only to the extent that it can fulfill duties.

If you feel that it