The Buddha advised us to choose our companions well because they affect us greatly, for better or ill. If we want a peaceful life, then we must surround ourselves with people and conditions that are conducive to peace. No omniscient, holy being, looking down on all the world, would want two beings to suffer together when one could go the way alone and heal. That leaves us with a choice about an unhealthy relationship: heal the relationship or remove ourselves from it. This is advice for every type of relationship, from a romantic partner or relative to a friend or colleague. The method outlined in this episode to heal a relationship is the practice of the “Four Immeasurables”:      - Love      - Compassion      - Appreciative Joy      - Equanimity  Why are they called “The Four Immeasurables”?   The Four Immeasurables are qualities or attitudes we develop toward others. First, they are called the “Immeasurables” because, ultimately, we want to direct these attitudes toward all living beings--who are immeasurable in number. Second, we want our feelings of love, compassion and so forth to become immeasurable or unconditional, Thirdly, they are called immeasurable because the good karma we create by practicing them is immeasurable. By cultivating the attitudes of loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy and equanimity, we can gradually remove ill will, cruelty, jealousy, and bias from our mind and discover an unwavering peace. This episode introduces the Four Immeasurables with the intention that we begin to develop them toward everyone we meet or think about. In the meditation and daily practice of the week ahead, we apply the Four Immeasurables to a relationship we want to begin to heal. Practicing the Four Immeasurables: LOVE. Love is the wish that another be happy. Love counters ill will or resentment. Love is an attitude that wishes the concerned person enjoy happiness and the intention that we will work toward their happiness. If we hope to heal a relationship, we must think of love as a verb. We determine to love the other person by doing things and acting in ways that are conducive to their happiness. We set about to counter our own selfish tendencies toward them. Immeasurable love is the wish that all sentient beings, without any exception, be happy. In our daily life, we can try to extend love to those we only slightly know or do not know at all. This means we care about their happiness. Out of that wish, we might let the stranger go before us, give to a charity or offer a smile, We can try to extend our love to all sentient beings in all the realms of existence, animals, insects etc. When trying to heal a relationship with someone, we have to ask ourselves:     What makes this person happy?     What can I do that would make them happy? If you spend a lot of time with a person, you have to act out of love A LOT.  If, for example, you are trying to heal a romantic relationship, you must try to act out of love every day, multiple times a day. You can know what will make them happy if you look deeply and listen deeply. You probably already know. Perhaps they have even complained and voiced their pain. They might need demonstrations of love like holding their hand, taking out the trash, complimenting them or telling them you love them. These actions reveal the intention of love. When we don’t act out of love, but instead act out of selfish intention, it damages the relationship. Conversely, every time we act out of love it builds or restores the health of a relationship. A truly healthy relationship is possible, but it does require both people cherish each other with acts of love every day. Start with yourself, and, most likely, they will be eventually be motivated to cherish you too. If they are unable to cherish you, perhaps this is when it becomes evident that this relationship cannot be healed.   COMPASSION. Compassion is the wish for others not to suffer. When trying to heal a relationship with someone, we have