Emotional Manipulation: 2 Manuscripts - Emotional Abuse, Psychological Abuse. How to Help a Flawed Relationship by Setting Healthy Boundaries, Improving Communication, Sex Life, and More!

By Jonathan S. Costas

Have you ever wondered if it's possible to break free from the vicious cycle of emotional and psychological abuse forever?

Being involved with an abusive person can be a nightmarish journey. Going down that path will open your eyes to how people really are, how broken our society is and most of all you'll learn a lot about your force of will and spirit. 

A lot of people that are currently suffering from abuse aren't even aware that they're being a victim. These sufferers have no idea that abuse is taking place right under their noses. Sometimes, the perpetrators are individuals that would never be suspected of being a toxic person. The concealed nature of abuse is what makes it cause so much damage over the long term if it is never put to a stop. 
 

Here's some of what you can expect to learn inside the pages of this 2 book box set:

• How to identify the red flags of emotional abuse and how to completely break free of it.
• Learn how to properly set boundaries with abusive people so that your rights and needs are respected.
• A practical, step by step program designed to take you from abused to survivor while minimizing the damage.
• How to stay away from the abusive individual over the long term and what to do in case of a relapse.
• And much more!

These books will educate you on the signs of emotional abuse. You will learn how to recognize the characteristics of potential abusers and where these people might be hiding in your life.

You will know exactly which course of action to take in case you ever find yourself in a psychologically abusive relationship. 

You will also learn all about the stages of recovery from psychological abuse and what course of action to take in case there is a relapse. 
 

This guides will give you the necessary tools needed to escape the vicious cycle of abuse or at least helps you identify the warning signs of toxic people so that you never find yourself in this highly undesirable situation... Start taking back control of your life today!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jonathan S. Costas
• Release date: Apr 5, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386779704

Book preview

Emotional Abuse

Recovering and Healing from Toxic Relationships, Parents or Coworkers while Avoiding the Victim Mentality

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Emotional Abuse Explained

Chapter 2: Knowing the Signs of Emotional Abuse

Chapter 3 Understanding Abuse

Chapter 4: Character Traits of Abusive People

Chapter 5: What’s Next?

Chapter 6: How to Stop Emotional Abuse

Chapter 7: Recovering from Abuse

Conclusion

Chapter: 1 Psychological Abuse Explained

Chapter 2: How to Know if you’re Being Psychologically Abused

Chapter 3: How to Reverse Psychological Abuse

Chapter 4: The Road to Recovery

Chapter 5: The Six Stages of Recovery

Chapter 6: What to Do in Case of Relapse

Conclusion

Introduction

The saying sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt you couldn’t be more incorrect. In fact, one of the first questions asked at victims of any kind of abuse is, Has it ever gotten physical?. While there is no denying that it’s important to identify and stop physical abuse, the issue is when that’s where we stop.

Stopping at that point before inquiring or worrying about any other kinds of abuse basically implies that it’s not important to pay attention to other forms of abuse besides physical. The underlying message that this also conveys to victims of abuse is that whatever else might be going on (such as verbal and emotional assaults) aren’t that bad.

This is a big problem, because other forms of abuse, such as emotional abuse and psychological abuse, can definitively be a nightmare that can end up ruining lives.

A relationship could even never get to the point of physical abuse, but victims may end up suffering devastating consequences, such as suffering extreme illnesses, and even death. And while physical abuse won’t always be present when there is emotional abuse, physical abuse is almost always preceded by less tangible forms of abuse.

So the big question is, why don’t we then hear more about emotional or psychological abuse? Why is there such an emphasis placed on physical forms of abuse, while non physical forms tend not to be mentioned as often?

This book is for people who want to learn more about this very topic. You will learn what emotional abuse is, the signs of emotional abuse, and patterns of abuse.

Aside from this, you will also learn how to stop emotional abuse and the things to do to heal and recover from abuse.

By following the advice you’ll find in the following chapters, you will learn how to get your life back, or help others that are currently suffering from emotional abuse and can’t seem to improve their situation, even if they’re aware of what’s going on.

No matter how it’s presented, psychological and emotional abuse are extreme acts of selfishness.

Thank you and I hope you enjoy this book. If you’d like to support the work of independent authors, please consider leaving a review after reading.

Chapter 1: Emotional Abuse Explained

When people hear about emotional abuse, most of them have a very vague idea of what it really is. On the other hand, most of them know what physical abuse is and have a very clear idea of what it involves, but not emotional abuse. They may be correct into thinking that emotional abuse causes some type of harm to another person. But the rest is clouded

What Emotional Abuse Isn’t

Before going into the details on what emotional abuse is, it is imperative to understand what it is not.

Asking your partner for a break up after an intense argument is not emotionally abusive. It is also not emotionally abusive when your partner reacts to anything you said that hurt them. Speaking your mind or simply being honest with your feelings to your partner doesn’t equal emotional abuse. A simple disagreement wherein a shouting match between couples ensure is in no way a manifestation of emotional abuse.

So, is yelling emotionally abusive, you ask? Yelling per se cannot be considered as an act of emotional abuse. Parents occasionally yell at their children if they have not been obedient and this is not always abuse. Or you may have yelled at your spouse during a disagreement. Categorically speaking, this is not emotional abuse. Yelling is an expression, often used by most people to let out an intense emotion or feeling. For most, once they have yelled at someone, they feel relieved.

How then can it be considered as an abuse? When the yelling becomes an act to humiliate the other person, that’s when it crosses the line and becomes emotional abuse. It’s a thin line though. This aspect will be discussed in the later chapters.

What is Emotional Abuse?

With emotional abuse, there is an attempt of the other person to take control. This is the same for physical abuse, the other person wants to gain control of the other. The difference is that there is no physical harm involved in emotional abuse. Physical abuse may include pinching, pushing, grabbing, kicking, heating, or other physical forms that may cause harm. Instead, the emotional abuser uses emotion as his or her weapon of choice.

This may come as a surprise, but psychologists say that it is common for perpetrators of emotional abuse to be unaware that they are being abusive.

For instance, a wife feels insecure about her husband’s love for her, so she becomes suspicious and accuses her husband of cheating, blames him for her unhappiness, or checks her husband’s text messages, emails, and even social media activities. This is an illustration of emotional abuse – making accusations, putting blame, and constant checking on their partner’s activities.

Another example, a husband is constantly trying to control his wife’s every move. He is someone who wants his partner to look perfect with other people. So, he harshly criticizes her every move if they didn’t conform to what the husband thinks is the norm (or what is perfect according to him). He often threatens her when she appears to be getting out of hand. He is very critical of what she wears, how she acts, eating habits, etc. He wants to control everything that his wife does.

Melissa and John

To illustrate, let’s look at a married couple Melissa and John. Melissa always criticizes John. She hopes to control John’s behavior by constantly putting him down. She would belittle her when they are alone, and openly puts him down when they are around other people.

Every time John tries to speak up for himself or calls Melissa on her behavior, she would make him feel like he’s crazy. She’d reason out that everyone they know thinks he’s crazy and not one of their friends or family members would take him seriously.

She would constantly blame John for her unhappiness. Whenever she’s upset she would always blame John for it. Melissa never takes responsibility for her own actions or behavior. She wouldn’t take the responsibility, yet she would do the same things for which she criticizes her husband.

She would call him names, like dumb, stupid, fool, and other degrading names frequently. She would do and say things so that their friends and family would disrespect him. She would treat him with disdain and disgust.

She would constantly tell him she’d leave him, or she’d stop talking to him if he didn’t change. She would go to some family members and friends of John and she would talk to them about him. As a result, John would be isolated from the people who could actually support him. He cannot go to these people for help because they have been brainwashed.

Melissa is clearly showing a distinct pattern of emotional abuse:

Constantly criticizing her partner or attempting to control and manipulate him

Shaming and blaming him using hostile sarcasm or verbal assault

Name-calling

Making threats or withholding affection as a form of punishment

Refusal to accept her faults and take responsibility for her actions

Using mind games

Refusal to communicate

Isolating John from his family and friends

This cycle of emotional abuse follows the same pattern as physical abuse – the moment the victim of abuse realizes what’s going on and to talk about leaving or seriously talks to their abuser about their actions, the abuser will make a 180-degree turn. The abuser will suddenly become apologetic, thoughtful, and romantic. The abuser would buy flowers or cook for the victim, or run errands for them, or anything that would make the victim believe that there is no abuse.

The victim would think twice but then would think that they may have just been overthinking. So, once the victim comes around and trusts them again, the abuser would go back to their abusive ways. It would be hard for the victim to leave because they believe in the abuser’s veil of lies again.

Emotional abuse follows a serious and painful pattern wherein the main goal of the abuser is to take control of the emotions of their victim.

Chapter 2: Knowing the Signs of Emotional Abuse

In physical abuse, the effects of the abuse are visible, whereas in emotional abuse, even some people that are very close to the abused one will never suspect that they’re in an abusive relationship.

Emotional abuse is not limited to a romantic relationship, other than a spouse or partner. The perpetrator could be just about anyone: a parent, guardian, friend, superior, colleague, or business partner. But the most obvious scenario to see emotional and mental abuse signs is in an intimate romantic relationship, wherein the most common abuser is the man, while the woman is the victim.

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Here are the general signs of emotional abuse. It is important to recognize them so you’ll what you to in case you are in one or when someone you know is in an abusive relationship.

Emotional blackmail

Controlling tactics

Mental abuse characteristics

Gaslighting

Verbal abuse

Character assassination tactics

Psychological abuse and crisis creation

We have listed below sample scenarios showing how emotional abuse looks like. Learning about these will help you identify if you are in an abusive relationship or a family member or friend is.

Abuser says things that will frighten you or upset you.

Supposing you are someone who easily gets upset or highly sensitive. This is your weakness and your partner finds out about this and uses this to control you. He’ll ask you to do something and if you won’t go along, he threatens you or scares you into doing it.

Becomes overly jealous.

Your partner frowns on the idea of sharing you with anyone, even in the most innocent situations. Usually, he will resort to making tantrums or threats for you not speak with anyone without his approval. He would also go to the extent of accompanying you if you need to meet or talk to someone.

Keeps track of your whereabouts all the time.

An abusive partner would want to control everything about you. Nothing is more dominating that a spouse checking up on you all the time and having a say on what you do and where you go. He will be monitoring your every activity and will trick you into being guilty for going out. He will also try to threaten you if ever you step out of line.

Wants in on your phone calls, SMS, emails, and social media activities.

Your spouse can become so controlling that he will want to cross personal boundaries. He will always be suspecting that you’re up to no good, hence they want these activities monitored.

Even in the case of husbands and wives, there should still be a personal space and each person has the right to privacy. This is something that an abusive partner doesn’t honor.

Makes decisions for you or for the family without talking to you.

Emotionally abusive people will not include you making important decisions. They will relegate you to an insignificant position in relation to them, to be in complete control. Even if you’re their partner, they don’t see you as their equal.

In time, you will lose confidence with your decision-making skills and you will eventually rely on your partner to manage everything concerning the family.

He has full control of the finances.

Imagine that you have joint bank accounts with your partner, but they refuse to give you access. If you are not allowed to work, he will only be giving you an allowance. Your spending is monitored, and you cannot purchase anything without asking for permission.

There are cases, even when the wife is working, where the abusive husband would be in control – the wife doesn’t know how much money she has on her personal account.

All financial-control is managed by your partner, leaving you completely dependent on him.

Crosses personal boundaries endlessly.

You might ask your partner to be the one to put the kids to bed tonight because you’re tired, but he refuses because he has other plans (like watch TV all night or go out for a drink).

Or you would have asked him to wash the dishes, but he just ignores your request.

An emotionally abusive partner will repeatedly cross boundaries and ignore requests.

Your partner makes subtle negative or threatening remarks to control or frighten you.

He uses words as weapon to control you. Words like, I will leave with the kids, and you’ll never see them again. Or, Go ahead, leave me, but the kids stay with me. You’ll never get a single penny from me.

An abusive partner has an uncanny way of knowing exactly what your weaknesses are and he chooses words with the highest possibility of manipulating you.

Your partner shows complete disrespect with his words.

The way he talks to you and his choice words show his contempt of you. Your partner might always be talking down on you or laughs at when you try to express yourself. He may simply ignore you when you are trying to talk.

He talks and he acts as if you’re worthless in his eyes.

He would constantly disregard your suggestions, ideas, opinions, and your needs.

An emotionally abusive partner does not concern himself with what you think or with what you need. He would pay attention when you have an opinion on something. If you try to speak your mind, he would either tell you your thoughts are stupid or completely ignore you.

Your partner always makes fun of you.

Your partner cracks jokes at your expense. He would make fun of your latest debacle at work in front of your parents or friends. He jokes about your weight gain all the time.

When you call him out, he would say that you can’t take a joke. He just twists things up to make you feel back about yourself.

Your partner makes sarcastic remarks just to put you down.

Abusers resort to sarcasm to insult you, demean you, or show their irritation towards you.

When you call him out, he’ll say he was just teasing you, but you know his true intentions.

Sarcasm is a passive-aggressive behavior which masks words and actions as jokes or teasing. Abusers use sarcasm to make victims feel uncomfortable and off balance.

Your partner would call you names or swears at you all the time.

Abusers use name-calling and swearing as means to demoralize, frighten, and control

Reviews for Emotional Manipulation

[ellabakfitness · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This was a Great Book! I highly recommend it to anyone looking to understand the phycology of emotional manipulation, to avoid abusive people and strategies to over come it.