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  • The Guardian

    Gaslighting: is an apology necessary to heal after you’ve been abused?

    Restorative justice is an approach to healing. But how is it possible with sociopaths, pathological liars, blackout drinkers who rely on fractured memory for truth?
    by Ariel Leve Oct 15, 2018 6 minutes
    One of the most sinister components of gaslighting is the denial of a reality you know to be true. Photograph: Guardian Design Team

    For anyone who has had legitimate anger disavowed, who has had to sublimate feelings in order to appease, who has had to tamp down their rage as a means to function and questioned whether their experience of trauma was really that bad, the Kavanaugh hearings and subsequent confirmation unleashed a pyroclastic cloud of salty ash into our wounds. It has activated and re-traumatized a lot of people and for many of us, the coping mechanism for survival is defiance.

    When I wrote a memoir in 2016 about chronic gaslighting at the hands of my mother and its lingering effects, I was frequently asked to explain what the term meant. I , and in the years since, I’ve heard from hundreds of people who have shared their stories of having been on the receiving end of such psychological manipulation. Trump’s presidency has ignited a cobalt triggered state and helped give this term a global

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