How To Avoid Narcissists

By Somaye Nadafy

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that the narcissist is someone who has "buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self." This alternate persona to the real self often comes across as grandiose, "above others," self-absorbed, and highly conceited. In our highly individualistic and externally driven society, mild to severe forms of narcissism are not only pervasive but often encouraged.

Narcissism is often interpreted in popular culture as a person who's in love with him or herself. It is more accurate to characterize the pathological narcissist as someone who's in love with an idealized self-image, which they project in order to avoid feeling (and being seen as) the real, disenfranchised, wounded self. Deep down, most pathological narcissists feel like the "ugly duckling," even if they painfully don't want to admit it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Somaye Nadafy
• Release date: Nov 19, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223463405

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Keep your distance and pick your relationships

One of the best ways to spot a narcissist is to measure his (or her) actions and results against his words. No matter how charming, persuasive, or coercive they seem to be, if there is a consistent pattern of incongruity between what he says versus what he actually does, you could be dealing with a narcissist.

Typically, narcissists are also quite clever in explaining away their broken promises, unsubstantiated claims, rule breaking, sudden neglect, phony merits, or boundary violations. Don’t be suckered in by the manipulation. Keep an eye on whether this person has a consistent record of following through and keeping agreements, both to you and to others. Evaluate the narcissist based on facts and substance, not showmanship and persuasion. In personal situations, be sure the relationship is genuinely two-way and reciprocal, not one-sided and exploitative. Be careful not to be used.

When you identify someone who exhibits narcissistic behavior on a regular basis, keep a healthy distance if at all possible, and avoid engaging with this person unless you absolutely have to. If you find that your narcissistic manager, friend or romantic partner exploits you repeatedly, give serious thought to leaving the relationship. Take your life back.

Avoid being sucked in. Expect disappointments and have a plan b

Since narcissists can be very charming and persuasive, it’s easy to fall under their influence and do what they want, for it might feel good to do so, at least initially. Very soon, however, you may discover that what you do with the narcissist is almost always on his or her terms, or the narcissist may begin to place upon you an ever increasing list of unreasonable expectations and demands.

He or she may start to show a clear pattern of inconsistency, being there for you one moment and disappearing the next, breaking agreements and not following though, and generally being highly self-centered. If you confront the narcissist directly, he may offer a convenient excuse, sometimes become extremely upset, followed by a quick exit out the door (emotionally if not physically). You’re the one left hanging. Such is the pathological machination of the