You may have had a difficult relationship where you felt like you were walking on eggshells in the past or maybe you’re in one now. If it’s a partner, did they initially sweep you off your feet when you met and give you scripted Mills and Boon-type lines that you completely fell for? Is a colleague or boss taking credit for your work at the office? And how are you feeling at home, in the office or generally?
If you’re feeling isolated, second-guessing yourself and doubting your own sanity you may be dealing with someone with narcissistic traits.
Perhaps this has been going on for a while and over this time parts of yourself have been gradually stripped away. This was the experience for Karen Haig, who was in a narcissistic relationship for five years in her 30s. Working with a counsellor/coach has helped her come out the other side. Now in her 50s, she’s begun to talk more openly about narcissistic abuse and has discovered many others are suffering from the effects of it. “Most people don’t find out they’ve been with a narcissist until it’s too late,” she says. “It can have such a devastating impact on people’s lives.”
Five per cent of the population in New Zealand are affected by narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and there are different sub-types of narcissism so it can look different person to person. Someone also has to meet a certain threshold of severity to be clinically diagnosed, explains registered clinical psychologist Gaynor Parkin from Umbrella Wellbeing.
“Narcissistic personality disorder is at the extreme end of the continuum and then there will be people… who are on that continuum with many traits of narcissism, like being very focused on themselves and not being very good at being empathetic.”
PERSONALITY TYPES
It’s helpful to know where the concept of narcissism comes from says Rob Paramo, registered psychologist. “In Greek mythology
Narcissus was a male nymph famous around town for his good looks. He had a strong propensity to
