Summary of Susan Forward & Craig Buck's Toxic Parents

By IRB Media

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.

Book Preview:

#1 The ancient Greeks had a problem. The gods looked down from their ethereal playground atop Mount Olympus and passed judgment on everything the Greeks were up to. And if the gods weren’t pleased, they were swift to punish. They didn’t have to be kind; they didn’t have to be just; they didn’t even have to be right.

#2 Our culture and religions all agree that the omnipotence of parental authority is acceptable, and it’s taboo to assertively confront our parents. The fear of being struck by lightning becomes deeply ingrained and grows with the child.

#3 As a child’s self-esteem is undermined, his dependence on his parents grows, and with it his need to believe that they are there to protect and provide. These beliefs keep the faith alive, allowing you to avoid facing the painful truth that your parents actually betrayed you when you were most vulnerable.

#4 Sandy, a 28-year-old woman, was extremely depressed when she first came to see me. She told me that she was unhappy with everything in her life. She had been a floral designer for several years at a prestigious shop, but she was convinced that she wasn’t smart enough to succeed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: IRB Media
• Release date: Mar 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669372172

IRB Media

With IRB books, you can get the key takeaways and analysis of a book in 15 minutes. We read every chapter, identify the key takeaways and analyze them for your convenience.

Book preview

Insights on Susan Forward & Craig Buck's Toxic Parents

Contents

Insights from Chapter 1

Insights from Chapter 2

Insights from Chapter 1

#1

The ancient Greeks had a problem. The gods looked down from their ethereal playground atop Mount Olympus and passed judgment on everything the Greeks were up to. And if the gods weren’t pleased, they were swift to punish. They didn’t have to be kind; they didn’t have to be just; they didn’t even have to be right.

#2

Our culture and religions all agree that the omnipotence of parental authority is acceptable, and it’s taboo to assertively confront our parents. The fear of being struck by lightning becomes deeply ingrained and grows with the child.

#3

As a child’s self-esteem is undermined, his dependence on his parents grows, and with it his need to believe that they are there to protect and provide. These beliefs keep the faith alive, allowing you to avoid facing the painful truth that your parents actually betrayed you when you were most vulnerable.

#4

Sandy, a 28-year-old woman, was extremely depressed when she first came to see me. She told me that she was unhappy with everything in her life. She had been a floral designer for several years at a prestigious shop, but she was convinced that she wasn’t smart enough to succeed.

#5

The most common defensive wall that adult children of toxic parents build is denial. They may deny their parents’ behavior, their own feelings, and even the truth.

#6

Denial is the most primitive and powerful of psychological defenses. It employs a make-believe reality to minimize the impact of certain painful life experiences. It even makes us forget what our parents did to us, allowing us to keep them on their pedestals.

#7

I had to work hard to get Sandy’s parents to see how their behavior had affected her life, but in the end, they still refused to take any responsibility for their actions.

#8

Denial is a simple process of pushing certain events and feelings out of conscious awareness. Others, like Sandy, take a more subtle approach: rationalization. When we rationalize, we use good reasons to explain away what is painful and uncomfortable.

#9

Louise was a volcano of contained anger. She was being divorced by her third husband, and she came to therapy because her adult daughter threatened to cut off her relationship with Louise if she didn’t do something about her uncontrollable hostility.

#10

We often transfer strong feelings from one person to another, usually an easier target. We may be unaware of it, but we consistently choose men who treat us in ways that both disappoint and anger us.

#11

The death