Summary of John Bradshaw's Healing the Shame That Binds You

By IRB Media

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book. Book Preview:

#1 I wrote the first edition of Healing the Shame That Binds You in 1992. It has since sold more than 1. 5 million copies in the United States and more than one hundred thousand copies abroad. I was most amazed when the book hit the New York Times best-seller list.

#2 Healthy shame is important in forming, directing, and fulfilling the sex drive. It is also important in forming mature and soulful sexuality. When I use the words affect, feeling, or emotion in this book, I will be referring to the complex combination of an affect with those memories that record their original occurrence, and with the affects that the affect may further trigger.

#3 The nine innate affects are excitement, pleasure, startle, distress, fear, anger, shame, dissmell, and disgust. They are present in all human beings and help guide our decision and action.

#4 The affect of shame is the most important aspect of our sense of self and our identity. It is also the source of most of the neurotic and character-disordered behaviors that we now understand.

• Language: English
• Publisher: IRB Media
• Release date: May 21, 2022
• ISBN: 9798822524682

IRB Media

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Insights on John Bradshaw's Healing the Shame That Binds You

Contents

Insights from Chapter 1

Insights from Chapter 2

Insights from Chapter 3

Insights from Chapter 4

Insights from Chapter 5

Insights from Chapter 1

#1

I wrote the first edition of Healing the Shame That Binds You in 1992. It has since sold more than 1. 5 million copies in the United States and more than one hundred thousand copies abroad. I was most amazed when the book hit the New York Times best-seller list.

#2

Healthy shame is important in forming, directing, and fulfilling the sex drive. It is also important in forming mature and soulful sexuality. When I use the words affect, feeling, or emotion in this book, I will be referring to the complex combination of an affect with those memories that record their original occurrence, and with the affects that the affect may further trigger.

#3

The nine innate affects are excitement, pleasure, startle, distress, fear, anger, shame, dissmell, and disgust. They are present in all human beings and help guide our decision and action.

#4

The affect of shame is the most important aspect of our sense of self and our identity. It is also the source of most of the neurotic and character-disordered behaviors that we now understand.

Insights from Chapter 2

#1

I had to name the core demon in my life, and it was shame. I realized that I had been bound by shame all my life, and that it ruled me like an addiction. I began to have power over it.

#2

Toxic shame is the feeling of being defective and flawed, which is why it necessitates a cover-up. Since one feels his true self is defective and flawed, he needs a false self that is not defective and flawed.

#3

The core of toxic shame is the desire to be other than who we are, which is why we suffer from it. It is the result of Adam’s fall, and it leads to human bondage.

Insights from Chapter 3

#1

There are two types of shame: innate and toxic/life-destroying. When shame is toxic, it is an intensely internal experience of unexpected exposure. It is a deep cut felt primarily from the inside. It divides us from ourselves and from others.

#2

The first treatise on shame was written by Annibale Pocaterra, who was born in 1562. He believed that shame is a part of everyday life and that it makes us humble and contrite. He also believed that blushing is the external sign of shame.

#3

Healthy shame helps us understand our limits. It tells us that we are limited, and that we can’t have unlimited power. It helps us recognize that we are imperfect.

#4

Healthy shame is a part of every human’s personal power. It is the emotional energy that signals us that we are not God, and that we will make mistakes. It allows us to know our limits, and thus to use our energy more effectively.

#5

The world comes to us in the form of our primary caregivers. We need to know that we can count on someone to be there for us in a humanly predictable manner. If we had a caregiver who was mostly predictable, we would develop a sense of trust.

#6

The relationship between child and caregiver gradually evolves out of mutual interest and trust. As trust grows, an emotional bond is formed. The emotional bond allows the child to risk venturing out to explore the world.

#7

The earliest muscle development focuses on crawling and then gaining balance when standing up and walking. This triggers the desire to roam and explore, and in order to roam and explore, the child needs to separate from his primary caregivers.

#8

The psychosocial task at this stage is to strike