This & That... Then & Now

By R.V. Rajan

It was in 1965 after retirement that I started writing my autobiography, which was published in 2009. The excellent feedback I got for my book and my style of writing made me start writing on a variety of topics that affect people on a day-to-day basis. Some stories compared the situations between now and the olden/golden days .My Travelogue on 106 Divya Desams (106 Tirupathis) was published in the Open Page of the Hindu issue dated 26th June 2011. The 200 odd mails I got from readers of the Hindu from all over the world (apart from scores of phone calls and SMS messages) made me realise that I had arrived as a writer.

Looking at the number of articles I had written in three years, a few friends suggested that I bring out a collection of them in book form. Though the Internet offers enough opportunities to reach a wider audience, there’s nothing like a printed book in your hands. Judging by the growing popularity of printed books by Indian authors in English, it is clear that there is still a good demand for printed books. So here I am, with my second book, a collection of articles on topics with which you can relate to and relax with. You can open it at any page, or choose any topic and read. If nothing else I promise you a good `time pass`

• Language: தமிழ்
• Publisher: Pustaka Digital Media
• Release date: Dec 27, 2021
• ISBN: 6580550707851

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This & That... Then & Now

Author:

R.V. Rajan

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Digital/Electronic Copyright © by Pustaka Digital Media Pvt. Ltd.

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All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Dedicated to the memory of my wife, Prabha Rajan - a multi talented woman and a wonderful human being. She was the source of inspiration for many of the articles appearing in this book.

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgements

This and That

Then and Now

Travelogue

Tributes

Excerpts from my Autobiography

Preface

My early brush with creative writing was during my student days in Bombay as a Tamil fanatic. I used to write stories, poems and plays in Tamil. One of my Tamil plays was even staged by students of another college. For a couple of years a group of friends used to produce a manuscript magazine called ‘Kalai’ (Arts) some of which had my contributions.

Then I took up advertising as a career. Instead of becoming a copywriter, which would have been a natural progression I became an Accounts Executive (Client Service Executive) because of my interpersonal skills. For over forty years I was selling the creatives produced by other creative people to clients. Over a period of time the advertising agency I started in 1986 became Anugrah Madison, the rural division of Madison Communications. I got a reputation as a Rural Communication Specialist. In this role I contributed several articles on rural communication to business journals. But I had not done any creative writing on any other topic until 2007, the year I retired as CMD of my company at the age of 65.

It was the year I started writing my autobiography, which was published in 2009.I did not realise that it was going to lead me to creative writing. The excellent feedback I got for my book and my style of writing made me start writing on a variety of topics that affect people on a day-to-day basis. Some stories compared the situations between now and the olden/

golden days (!). I mailed the articles to a group of friends and relatives, took note of some of their comments and suggestions and started sending a few articles to local journals like Eves Touch and Madras Musings which have been regularly publishing my contributions. My Travelogue on 106 Divya Desams (106 Tirupathis) was published in the Open Page of the Hindu issue dated 26th June 2011. The 200 odd mails I got from readers of the Hindu from all over the world (apart from scores of phone calls and SMS messages) made me realise that I had arrived as a writer.

xii Preface

The constant encouragement I have been getting from S Muthiah, veteran journalist and heritage specialist and S R Madhu, my good friend and well known freelance journalist, made me continue writing.

Looking at the number of articles I have written in the last two-and-a half years, a few friends suggested that I bring out a collection of them in book form. Though the Internet offers enough opportunities to reach a wider audience, there’s nothing like a printed book in your hands. Judging by the growing popularity of printed books by Indian authors in English, it is clear that there is still a good demand for printed books.

So here I am, with my second book, a collection of articles on topics with which you can relate to and relax with. You can open it at any page, or choose any topic and read. If nothing else, I can assure you that reading my articles will be a good ‘time pass’.

While performing artistes get a feedback immediately after a show, writers have to wait for it in the form of mails, SMS and of course telephone calls. I will be eagerly awaiting your feedback on this book!

R V Rajan

[e-mail]

9840392082

Acknowledgements

Iwould like to first acknowledge the constant encouragement and interesting feedback I have been getting from several of my readers to articles that I have been circulating through my online contacts. It was my journalist friend Sashi Nair and Kirubha Shanker, the Czar of Social Media who thought there was potential for a book in my writings. I would like to thank them both for their encouragement.

I also thank Sowmya Srinivasan and R. Seshadri for vetting my articles before they are uploaded on my blog and circulated to my contacts. Susan Philips for her meticulous copy editing, Srividya for making sense out of the illegible handwritten drafts of my articles, Kavitha Srinivas for the cover idea, and Shaji for the cover artwork.

This and That

Table Of Content

Joy of Giving

Bringing Up Children

Mind-sets and Mental Blocks

Breaking Rules

Thrilling Moments

Talent is Inherent

Embarrassing Moments

Hero the Zero

Lies, White Lies and Fibs

To be Contented and Happy

The Pleasure of Walking on Elliot’s Beach

Procrastination

Encounters with Yama

No Limits to Outsourcing

Instant Marriage Solutions

Superstitions

Meetings–Part of our Lives

Home Away from Home

Dreams

Who is Weird?

The Intruders

Alternative Therapy

A ‘House Husband’

Be Henpecked to Be Happy!

Female Chauvinists!

Her Hobby is Her First Love

Is This Fair Advertising?

Life without Responsibilities

The Human Dynamo

The Little Joys of Life

The Rise, Fall and Resurrection of a Cook

The Ubiquitous Velaikari

Divorces on the Rise

Put Your Hands Together

Twin Reunions

Forgetting–A Disease!

Life at Your Fingertips

A Husband for Forty Years

SIWS Club

To be an Author

Joy of Giving

There are two theories about the benevolence of Goddess Laxmi who is known to bestow prosperity on her devotees. One theory is that she likes to remain with people who hold on to their money and refuse to share it with anybody–the misers as we call them. According to the other theory, Laxmi is generous with people who share their prosperity with needy people

the more you give in charity, the more you get. I have always believed in the second theory all my life. Though I was never prosperous in the real sense of the term (never had enough cash in the bank), I derive great joy in little acts of giving. When I find that a small act of generosity has made some difference to the recipient, I feel happy!

When dealing with skilled workers like electricians, plumbers etc., I usually give them whatever they ask for without bargaining–very often a lot more than what they expected. After all, they are experts in their fields and deserve some special consideration. Do we ever question a doctor when he mentions his fee? Similarly dealing with porters, coolies and autorickshaw drivers, I pay a few rupees more than what they demand, as long as the demand is not outrageous.

The other day I was traveling in an auto from the station to my home. On reaching home, I paid Rs.20/- more than what I had agreed to pay, when I found the driver accepting the money without asking for anything extra. He did not scratch his head and say ‘konjum pottu kodunga saar’ and the happiness I saw on his face because of my spontaneous gesture made my day. Similarly, when I volunteer small donations to charities or religious institutions in which a friend or relative is involved, the grateful appreciation I receive makes me happy.

According to our scriptures, a wealthy man giving away money in charity is not as big a gesture as a deprived man sharing what he has with a needier person. While the generous donation announced recently by Azim Premji of Wipro fame to his Foundation involved in charitable acts is really commendable, the news item about an unknown Kalyana Sundaram of Madurai giving away all his earnings to a charitable cause is even more noteworthy. For every wealthy donor there are hundreds of individuals in this world quietly helping others in their own small ways because it gives them joy, a sense of fulfilment.

While giving cash in charity depends on its availability, there is no limit to the time or kind gestures and love that you can give others to make them

happy. A helping hand, a word of appreciation, a pat on the back, a hug, a letter of thanks to a service provider-all go to make both the recipient and giver happy.

Spending quality time with children and grandchildren makes them happy. Visiting old, lonely people and spending some time with them listening to their woes and making them feel wanted in this world can earn you their hearty blessings. I always tell youngsters that it is not enough if you say that you care. You have to show or demonstrate that you care by being kind and understanding with elders, however irritating they might be at times! A school friend of mine, himself a senior citizen, regularly spends time with elders in an old age home, talking to them and listening to them. While making the elders happy, I am sure my friend also experiences great joy in sharing his time with them.

Another friend who is a very successful businessman believes in offering intellectually stimulating and entertaining programmes every month to invited guests, mostly senior citizens, at his own well-appointed auditorium free of cost and always preceded by a sumptuous breakfast! Food for the stomach and food for the soul! He has been involved in this and other charitable acts much before Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) became a buzzword and I know that he derives great joy in sharing his prosperity with society.

Undoubtedly, there is great joy in giving, whether in cash or in kind. Give and you shall receive!

Bringing Up Children

Bringing up children in today’s world is a humongous task for parents. Thanks to the information explosion from the television and Internet, they are smart and knowledgeable about everything. They seem to be clear about what they want and have strong views on every subject. Especially when it comes to the brands of goods that are bought, whether it is a toothpaste or a two-wheeler or even a four-wheeler. It is called ‘kids pester power’ in the advertising world.

When my son-in-law wanted to buy a new car, my 9-year-old grandson did a thorough study of the shortlisted cars and announced that his choice was Honda Jazz. His father had no option but to go for it!

A nephew of mine who is appearing for his Plus Two Board exam is very clear that he is going to study ‘Mechatronics’–a new subject in the Engineering field which allows him to specialize in Robotics when he goes for his Masters degree. He has set his future in Robotics.

Thanks to the Internet, children do thorough research on any subject that they are interested in and go through all the processes involved–all online–to get what they want. Very often what they want may be contrary to what their parents want them to have–leading to conflicts and tensions in the family. The Parents’ own inadequate knowledge of the subjects may add to the tension. My advice to such parents would be, if your children are clear about what they want and are passionate about something, encourage them to pursue their passion, instead of forcing them to do what you think is right for them.

If you perceive certain pitfalls in their approach, you are duty bound to advise them and warn them, but allow them to take a well-considered decision so that they take ownership for such decisions and are prepared to face the consequences, if any. If you try this approach, your children will surely shape into confident and focused individuals in life.

More than 55 years ago, I decided to pursue a career in advertising–when it was a seller’s market and advertising was not even considered a career option. My father allowed me to have my way. A friend had rightly advised him that if your children are clear about what they want, do not interfere. He followed the same strategy with my younger brothers. All of us have done well in life, thoroughly enjoying the careers that we each chose. We made our parents proud of us during their lifetime.

Recently, I was with a cousin with two teenaged children–a boy and a girl. I was amazed to find the excellent rapport that the cousin and his wife had with their children. During the couple of hours I spent at their house, not once did I find them having a shouting match with their kids over anything. Talking to the cousin, I found that one of the contributing factors for their bonhomie with the kids was the absence of a television set in the house–a major distraction for kids in any home. My cousin and his wife had taken a conscious decision that they would set an example by not doing what they did not want their children to do–so both parents do not watch TV at home. If at all they want to watch a movie or a video, they borrow it from a local video library and watch it with the children on their PC/Laptop. This gives them enough quality time to spend with the kids, interacting with them as friends, rather than as bullying parents. Please remember that bullying parents are greatly responsible for their children becoming rebels.

A quote from an article on the subject by Farida Raj in the Hindu is relevant here. It reinforces the point I have tried to make on bringing up children. She says, The parent’s level of emotional acceptance of the child and their resulting attitude towards him/her play a leading role in laying the foundation for the type of personality the child will develop. The attitude of the parents is the most potent conditioning factor in the life of the child.

The message I got was that the days of children blindly obeying the parents are gone! If you show enough understanding of their problems, be available to them whenever they want you and learn to trust them, children will respond positively. In other words be a trusted friend to your kids. At least one of the parents should assume that role! If that happens, bringing up children will really be a joy!

Mind-sets and Mental Blocks

All our activities are governed by certain mind-sets which vary from person to person, leading to habits which are difficult to shake off. Almost everyone has a mind-set of his/her own!

The most common mind-set is related to drinking coffee. There are people who say: I get a headache if I don’t have a cup of coffee immediately after my lunch! Others say: If I have a cup of coffee after 6 pm in the evening or if I sleep in the afternoon, I can’t sleep at night.

I have no such problems. Even if I sleep for 3 hours in the afternoon on a Sunday, I am fast asleep by my usual bedtime of 10 pm! For me, any time is sleeping time. The best sleeping pill, according to me, is a book. Every time I start reading a book, within half an hour I fall into the deep-sleep mode! If I get up in the middle of the night and am unable to go back to sleep, the best remedy I have found is to start reading a book. No need to chant Ram, Ram, or count sheep till you go back to sleep.

But I do have a mind-set problem! It’s related to giving speeches! Whether it is a five-minute Vote of Thanks or a 90-minute lecture in a classroom, I believe in preparation. I write down my speech and rehearse it a couple of times to ensure that I stick to the time limit given to me. The hard copy of my speech also clearly indicates where I should pause (for possible applause!) and where I should emphasize a point.

This habit continued even after the introduction of slide and tape presentations. I would lug around a Kodak Carousel projector with slides, always accompanied by a typed version of the presentation clearly spelling out the comments on every slide. The fear that I might forget important points made me read from prepared texts.

While pursuing this method of presentation, I was particular about having a podium, on which I would place the papers or the file containing the script of my talk. Getting a podium was not a problem when I addressed large gatherings in hotels and other such venues. But when it was a presentation to a small group in a client’s office, invariably the small boardroom or meeting room would not have a podium. On such occasions I would carry a portable table model podium which I got specially fabricated! Later, I tried to use a foldable steel stand (which musicians use at concerts to keep their musical notes or book of lyrics) to keep my prepared notes while I was talking. These stands were so flimsy that every time I hit it while using my hands to emphasize a point, they would collapse and the papers would start flying all

over the room! In retrospect, I realize what a spectacle I had been making of myself in front of my audience–all because of a stupid mind-set which I could not get rid of!

Fortunately, all this changed due to an incident which took place about ten years ago.

My wife and I were in Madurai to attend a wedding. Our associate in Madurai, who came to meet me, informed me that the Director of Thiagaraja School of Management wanted to meet me. He offered to collect my wife and me from the wedding hall and take us to meet the Director. While we were on the way, he threw a bombshell! I had thought it was a courtesy call, but he said the Director would be happy if I could give a brief talk on Rural Marketing to the Management students of the Institute. I was shocked and livid! I told my friend that I never gave a talk without preparation, and besides, in the absence of any notes or slides, it would be impossible for me to give a talk.

I have never done this in my life, and I will not do it now, forget it! I said angrily.

He looked at me with pity and said: What is this, Sir! You call yourself a Rural Marketing Expert. Can’t you speak for at least 15 minutes on the subject and follow it up with a Q/A session?

Before I could respond, we had reached the Institute and I was taken to the Director’s room. After the usual formalities, it was the Director’s turn to throw a bomb!

Mr. Rajan, I am so happy you accepted my invitation at such short notice. In fact I have assembled the students of both the 1st and 2nd years in the Auditorium, and they are eagerly waiting to hear you!

I felt like a trapped rat! There was no way I could get out of the difficult situation and so I sought some time from the Director. Five minutes to marshal my thoughts on what I was going to say for the first 10 minutes of my first extempore speech!

When I went up to the stage to face over 200 bright boys and girls I felt Iike a naked man in a crowd. To compound the problem, my wife and my niece (who was attending the Management course) were in the audience, which further added to my discomfiture!

Marshalling all the courage in the world, I started speaking. There was no podium, no presentation paper and no slides! Just