Summary of Never Enough By Jennifer Breheny Wallace: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It

By Willie M. Joseph

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This book does not in any capacity mean to replace the original book but to serve as a vast summary of the original book.

Summary of Never Enough By Jennifer Breheny Wallace: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It

 

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Never Enough is a book by Jennifer Breheny Wallace that explores the rise of a toxic achievement culture in today's society. The pressure to succeed is not a matter of parental choice but is rooted in income inequality and dwindling opportunities. Wallace argues that children need to feel like they matter and have intrinsic self-worth not contingent on external achievements. Parents and educators who adopt the language and values of mattering help children see themselves as valuable contributors to a larger community. Consistent feedback that kids matter no matter what is more likely to have resilience, self-confidence, and psychological security to thrive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Willie M. Joseph
• Release date: Aug 29, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215336335

Willie M. Joseph

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INTRODUCTION

Running with Their Eyes Closed

In recent years, a professionalized childhood has led to a focus on academics, athletics, and extracurricular activities, maximizing a child's potential. This has led to a generation running a course marked out for them, without enough rest or a chance to decide if it's even a race they want to run. However, this trend has also come with a cost, as adverse childhood experiences, such as living in poverty or amid community violence, increase risks to a child's health and well-being. In 2019, a national report published by some of the country's top developmental scientists added a surprising new group of children to the country's most at-risk youth. Students attending high-achieving schools are found to have relatively high levels of adjustment problems, likely linked with longstanding ubiquitous pressures to excel at academics and extracurriculars. One expert estimated that one in three American students may be impacted by this excessive pressure to achieve.

The growing research around achievement pressure and this newly identified at-risk group for The Washington Post led to an urgent discussion about the well-being of high-performing students. The paradox is undeniable: students who are afforded every opportunity are statistically more likely to experience worse outcomes than their middle-class peers according to tangible measures of well-being. While it is true that youth living in poverty and facing hunger, violence, and discrimination are significantly more likely to experience adversity than their peers in high-achieving schools, the burden of these children is undeniable.

As adults, it is our job to do something about the toxic stress that is harming a large portion of our youth. The mental health of young people is shaped by factors such as genes, relationships, and social forces like media and popular culture that can erode their sense of self-worth.

In 2020, a national parenting survey was conducted to understand the pressure kids and parents face in navigating the complex world of achievement. Over 6,000 parents across the country participated, and the survey revealed that achievement pressure is affecting families from all backgrounds. The survey asked parents how much they agreed with statements like Parents in my community generally agree that getting into a selective college is one of the most important ingredients to later-life happiness. The survey also revealed that 83% of parents believe their children's academic success is a reflection of their parenting.

The author traveled throughout the country, speaking to parents and students in various locations, focusing on diverse backgrounds and backgrounds. They interviewed people in various settings, including coffee shops, dining rooms, offices, and via Zoom. The research revealed that kids are absorbing the idea that their worth is contingent on their performance, not their core worth. Mattering, the feeling of being valued and adding value to others, is key to positive mental health and thriving in adolescence and beyond. Mattering offers a profound and practical framework for understanding the pressure children face and how to protect them from it.

Mattering is not synonymous with high performance, as it influences language, reinforcement, and failure handling. Healthy high achievers are those who feel a high level of mattering, which informs language, messages, and failure handling. This book aims to raise healthy and successful kids in a culture that increasingly forces us to choose only one outcome. It is aimed at parents who have the privilege to choose where their children live and go to school, as well as the adults in the community who work with these children daily. The book discusses the increasing achievement pressure on children, practical solutions, and an attainable, empathetic path towards raising healthy and successful children. The author is also a white Ivy League graduate raising kids in high-performing schools, aiming to change the conversation about achievement pressure and move beyond unhelpful finger-pointing.

The book begins by discussing how society's increasing achievement pressure is affecting children, then discusses practical solutions and outlines an attainable, empathetic path toward raising healthy and successful children. It also gathers insights and advice from leading experts about changes we can make beyond our homes, schools, and communities to help buffer against the toxic pressures of our achievement culture.

The author has found that there are actions we can take now to counter the increasing anxiety, depression, and isolation young people are experiencing. These actions require shifts in thinking, past harmful messages from society. As adults in our kids' lives, we need to course correct toward behaviors that will protect them