How to Live Healthier & Happier & Longer in Retirement: 8 Essential Pillars

By Brad Bickford BCD LCSW

WHILE RETIREMENT CAN BE A TIME OF FREEDOM AND EXCITEMENT, IT IS ALSO FRAUGHT WITH MANY HEALTH CHANGES & EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES.

Brad Bickford, Board Certified Diplomate and Licensed Clinical Social Worker shows us how to tackle the challenges of aging in retirement and identifies exactly what we can do to address them. Using research data and questionnaires & worksheets he discusses:

• How to decide when one is ready to retire.
• How to keep our brain's healthy and slow down a possible onset of dementia.
• How critical exercise is, how often we need to do it, and specifically what kind. He shares why sitting too long for seniors can shorten their life.
• How to improve your sleep and why sleep is essential for our health and happiness.
• What research & science found about the importance of socializing to prevent emotional distress, premature dementia & mortality.
• How everyday personal care products effect our body's health and longevity.
• What specific communication skills are essential to enhance relationships.
• How changing the way we think about something will improve our happiness.
• How we have to eat more nutritionally as our aging body changes.
• Having a purpose and spiritual focus is very helpful for our emotional well-being.
• The importance of regular laughter & humor in our daily lives.
• Fascinating physiological differences between Men & Women like which sex takes longer to digest the same meal?
• And many relevant topics to seniors like sex, drinking, lessening anxiety, bolstering marriage happiness, what to do about aging body physiology changes, and how to deal with grief and loss.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9781667888620

Book preview

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DISCLAIMER

Brad Bickford is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. The information in the book is based on published research & evidence and mental health clinical opinion, but not to be used as a substitute for advice from a professional physician, nutritionist, or physical therapist.

How to Live Healthier & Happier & Longer in Retirement

8 Essential Pillars

©2023 Brad Bickford

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Neither the author or publisher shall be held liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising from any suggestion or information contained in this book.

Information contained in this book may NOT be copied or replicated without direct permission from the publisher or author.

print ISBN: 978-1-66788-861-3

ebook ISBN: 978-1-66788-862-0

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

There are a lot of people that I’d like to thank for supporting me in publishing this book either as photo models, editors or emotional supports:

My son Jesse Bickford for his editing, computer expertise and emotional support.

My wife Celia Solloway for her patience, love, modeling in book and research savvy.

My son Isaac Bickford, and sister in law Ginny Cetuk for their love, encouragement and guidance in writing a book.

My deceased parents Martin & Anita Bickford and sister Carol for their time and love over the years.

My deceased therapist wife Linda Samuel, who inspired, supported and loved me for over 30 years.

My friends Chuck and Pat Albert for their willingness to be models and supports.

My therapist colleagues who have supported me clinically for over 45 years Ann Rayburn, Porter Shreve, Fred Brewster, Anne Tooke, Kitty Montie, Laurette Harvey, and Mitch Margolis.

To the staff at OLLI at American University who have supported me in teaching this subject & promoting my book-Tony Long, Lesley Diaz, Jesse Williams & Mary Fran Miklitsch.

To Unsplash for their free excellent photos

Brad Bickford

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

Chapter 1. HOW TO GET MOTIVATED AND BREAK

SOME NOT SO GOOD HABITS

Chapter 2. TRANSITIONING TO RETIREMENT

Chapter 3. BRAIN HEALTH PILLAR

Chapter 4. SLEEP HEALTH PILLAR

Chapter 5. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Chapter 6. EXERCISE HEALTH PILLAR

Chapter 7. CHANGES IN THE SENIOR BODY

Chapter 8. PERSONAL CARE PRODUCTS PILLAR

Chapter 9. EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH PILLAR

Chapter 10. COMMUNICATION SKILLS TO STRENGTHEN RELATIONSHIPS AND HAPPINESS & HEALTH

Chapter 11. SOCIALIZING HEALTH PILLAR

Chapter 12. EATING HEALTHY-ANOTHER ESSENTIAL PILLAR

Chapter 13. SEX FOR LIFE

Chapter 14. SPIRITUALITY HEALTH PILLAR

Chapter 15. YOUR NEXT CHAPTER ON LIVING HEALTHIER,

HAPPIER & LONGER BEGINS NOW

Notes

INTRODUCTION

The other day, in a discussion with my wife, she told me her friend’s husband was considering retiring but was anxious about what he would do. He couldn’t imagine life without working even though his energy and enthusiasm was waning for his job.

I’ve heard this repeatedly from many people, so I decided to write this book.

As a practicing psychotherapist for over 45 years, you learn a lot about people’s struggles in life and life itself. I began thinking of how to apply my holistic philosophy of treatment to help seniors to begin and succeed in the process of retirement. I myself am retired from full-time community mental health work.

Based on research evidence which is constantly changing, and personal experience, this book identifies key pillars of life that support us in living longer, healthier, and happier especially in retirement. I also came to realize that these pillars are not solely for retirement seniors but can benefit anyone of any age.

It is critical to know that, like the magnificent Parthenon building, no one pillar will support a healthier and happier existence. It requires the effort of all of the pillars working together.

The initial chapter discusses deciding how, when, and if to retire. This first step for some comes easily, but for others it’s a very complex process.

Then within each chapter I offer tips on how to improve things like daily morning water for our BRAIN health. In one of the chapters, I review some of the common aging body/organ changes and what one can do to keep them healthy.

As our body and brain age and change, we need to pay closer attention to the pillars that I address. We have to attend to and strengthen two essential pillars EXERCISE and SLEEP. We also have to learn how to better our EMOTIONAL health pillar. In this chapter, I address recognizing the importance of play and humor in daily life to keep us mentally healthy and minimize stress. In addition, I talk about how to better deal with Loss and Grief-a common occurrence in our golden years will help keep us from a sad or depressing existence. There is the essential pillar of practicing good NUTRITION which research demonstrates directly impacts our energy, longevity and body health. Being aware of and using safer PERSONAL CARE PRODUCTS in our daily care is another essential pillar that helps us ward off possible disease and ill health.

There is the essential pillar around developing specific COMMUNICATION SKILLS which are essential in establishing/maintaining good SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS with our family and friends. This SOCIALIZING pillar needs to be strong in order to prevent loneliness which studies demonstrate can affect our mortality and emotional stress. Last but not least, learning about and paying attention to our SPIRITUAL self pillar is also critical in creating a sense of PURPOSE in our senior years which helps with happiness.

In the book, I examine differences between MEN and WOMEN so that we are aware of how our unique physiologies impact our abilities to maintain our health and happiness in older age.

I have learned that the second half of life can be just as dynamic as the first half, if not more so, and a lot less stressed if we are fortunate enough to have our health.

With a lot of reflection, I began to understand that retirement for us is all about establishing a new retirement identity/purpose. This means who am I and how do I identify myself if I am no longer an active teacher, lawyer, government worker, scientist, salesperson, laborer, mother/father, etc. This is a challenging issue for many and takes time to evolve. This topic is initially addressed in the chapters on HOW DO I KNOW I’M READY TO RETIRE and SPIRITUALITY.

Retirement is a developmental stage of life which can be difficult for some people to adjust to emotionally. It’s like when our children go from sweet little cutie pies to adolescents, or for some of us when our young adult children finally leave the nest. Our behavior and thinking need to change because our kids are now separate and unique (young) adults , and require new ways of relating, communicating and thinking.

This all becomes even more challenging as we face Covid 19 and its variants (more about this later).

Like many of you, when I retired in 2013, I wondered how I would fill my day. Would I get bored after a while of just sleeping late, playing sports, watching TV, or vacationing? I also began to worry about spending a reduced income.

I began to realize that retirement is simultaneously about freedom and anxiety, and also a wonderful time of life. There are a lot of positives. We don’t have the usual constraints, demands, stressors on our time or energy. Most of our kids have flown out of the nest. We now have more time to feel relaxed, find laughter again, and do what we want and when we want to do it.

Practically speaking, some people can’t afford to retire and that’s understandable with today’s inflation and cost of living. Some people may want to slowly transition into retirement and work part-time. What I hope is that you will try to free up more and more of your time to take advantage of new opportunities, experiences, make the most of the planet we live on, learn who you really are, and continue to be healthy & happy.

There are three themes or concepts that run throughout this book:

First is that there is a MIND–BODY CONNECTION (MBC). Whatever we do with our bodies directly impacts our minds/moods and vice versa. For example, if we get more sleep or exercise, our body will feel more energized and better able to handle emotional stress. Research shows that if we exercise, we will feel a greater sense of contentment, especially due to a hormonal output of dopamine. We also usually sleep better after exercising.

Or the opposite; if we get little sleep, a cold, or an injury, we might feel irritable and less enthusiastic, or even depressed. For some of us, if we get emotionally upset/stressed over something, we will feel physical discomfort in our stomach, intestinal area, chest, head, or neck (all body stress signal areas). Some people catch colds when they are stressed and not healthy. A key lesson from all of this is LISTEN TO YOUR BODY-IT NEVER LIES.

A SECOND concept is that of NEUROPLASTICITY. In simpler terms and important to us seniors, you can teach an old dog new tricks. As we age, our unique brain, unlike any other of our organs, can still grow new neural pathways. This happens as we learn new things and repeat new actions and learnings. So, our aging brain can still grow and compensate for some of the slowing cognitive processes.

The THIRD theme is that everyone’s BODY IS UNIQUE AND DIFFERENT. Not only does this apply to appearance externally, but also chemically, internally. Some people can drink alcohol and others can’t. Some people like tomatoes while others don’t. So, don’t assume everything works the same for you as others. I’ve learned that a headache or allergy medicine that others have offered me doesn’t work at all like it does for someone else. There are some elderly pickleball players that can play nonstop for hours while others need to stop after three matches.

These differences are also noticeable between men and women. Research has found that women and men, for example, respond differently to the same medication and need different dosages in order for it to be effective. Also, as we age and begin taking certain medications, our blood chemistry and microbiome (intestine cells) might change, so we can’t eat or enjoy certain foods/drinks like we used to.

As you are aware, some people get more stressed by something while to others, the stress is minimal. We are all different, and come from different cultures, backgrounds, gene pools, and experiences.

So, remember, you are unique. Your biochemistry is unique.

In the beginning, I have a chapter on MOTIVATION to help you to achieve what you are going to learn. I completely understand that our mature brains may not retain information as easily, and I too have to practice or read things over and over to remember or effect change.

In the beginning of most of the chapters, I incorporate something that is humorous. Why is this? Well, research has found that if we are less stressed and anxious, our brains can absorb/learn information better. I want you to learn and remember as much as you can. There is a lot of anxiety in the world today, especially from the Covid pandemic. My goal is to relax your mind and help you experience laughter (maybe smile) in order to be better able to focus and learn new information.

So if you put time and energy into following these essential pillars of life, you will experience happier and healthier living. So let’s get started gradually and add years of healthy living and happiness to your new senior/retirement life.

Brad Bickford, BCD, LCSW

Chapter 1

HOW TO GET MOTIVATED AND BREAK

SOME NOT SO GOOD HABITS

Adopting new habits/behaviors requires changing some old ones that are not as beneficial anymore. But change is not easy for most of us mature folks, since we’ve been doing something a certain way quite a long time. We can call this habit.

It’s going to take extra effort, concentration, and reinforcement to alter a habit. When we learn how to do something, we have to practice it to master it. We have to continue the pattern to see better results, which vary for each individual (remember each person’s biochemistry is unique and different).

Over the years of my teaching how to live longer, healthier and happier in retirement I have heard students say, It’s too late; I should have taken this class twenty years ago or more. I always challenge this with it’s never too late. You can start feeling better emotionally and physically fairly quickly with some basic behavior, attitude, and thinking changes.

You owe it to yourself to give something a try for at least a couple of weeks. Pretend you are experimenting by doing something new and pay attention after a week or two for any changes you feel.

Researchers define habit as something that forms . . . naturally through repeated use. Habits also . . . function largely outside of our conscious awareness and our intentions.¹ So changing this unconscious process takes some energy and work, but it can happen. Remember my comments on neurogenesis or neuroplasticity (in the Introduction and chapter on the Brain Health): we can still learn new things (you can teach an old dog new tricks)!

OK, SO HOW DO I CHANGE OLD HABITS AND GET MOTIVATED?

Here are some suggestions:

START SMALL – Start a new behavior in small increments. Try doing something just one or two days a week (like drinking 4–6 oz of water every morning after brushing teeth to help your brain). When this behavior gets easier, start doing it three days a week, then more. If you are working on getting motivated to exercise, try exercising 5–10 minutes a day then increase it slowly until you reach a full 30 (try small increments of 5 more minutes each time). Focus then on the number of days. Start with one day, then two, then three, and so on.

TEAM UP with someone. This creates social support for the change and helps both/all of you. Educate your partner/group as to the importance of the new behavior and set up a regular communication by phone, text, email, etc., to reinforce it and get support. Remember, doing something with others is also more fun/enjoyable.

POST SIGNS (Post-Its) in your home to remind you.If you post these on your bathroom mirror, they will serve as reminders along with your other good habits like brushing your teeth three times daily.

WRITE IT down on a calendar or planner. When we write things down, we are reinforcing in our brain another pattern of how to remember something (verbalizing and writing). If you schedule/plan something for that day or week or month and visualize it, it serves as another sensory brain reinforcer and it communicates that it is important. I’ve included a STAYING HEALTHY/ACTIVE WORKSHEET FOR YOU at the end of the chapter on Transitioning to Retirement to use in this process.

Use IF THEN thinking. They found that if you write down where and when you will do something, and create if/then contingencies, like for exercising . . . plans boosted exercise compliance from 39%–91%.²

Example: If I’m too tired to go to the gym for 30 minutes, then I will just go for 15–20 minutes instead of a full half hour. Or if I can’t do 15 minutes of dance today, then I’ll just do 10 minutes in my living room, or if I’m too tired/sore to go to the gym, then I’ll just take a 30-minute walk near my home.

LISTEN TO MUSIC OR WATCH TV. When exercising or working on some task that is not pleasant, if we distract the mind with something, it helps us accomplish more stressful tasks. This is why gyms and workout rooms are all equipped with televisions to get our minds off the work at hand.

Did you ever wonder why certain professional baseball teams play a snippet of a hitter’s favorite music when he comes to bat, which is a high-pressure experience? This is done to get his brain and body to relax so he can perform better (like I use humor before each chapter, which helps us learn better).

REWARD YOURSELF after you have changed something after a week or two. Besides the natural reward, it’s ok to think of an external reward, like putting a star on your calendar, or getting a nice meal outside (pandemic reward), or celebrating with a friend/partner with tickets to a show, or buying a new item online.

WORK on your changes when you have the MOST ENERGY. People feel the most energized during certain times of the day. For some it’s the first thing in the morning, and for others, later. Being aware of this diurnal variation can help you be more successful in achieving planning and achieving your goals.

TACKLE THE HARDEST CHANGE FIRST. This philosophy coined by many. Mark Twain once said Eat a frog in the morning³ which meant to tackle the hardest thing first, then the rest will seem easier. As mentioned, many people may have more energy in the morning (and if your metabolism is different, start later on!).

SEEK EMOTIONAL HELP if you are depressed/lack motivation. Being depressed can be a real roadblock to making healthy change. You don’t want to get into a negative pattern and put yourself down for not being successful right away. It’s ok to get professional help and allow yourself time to become less depressed or anxious—take your time with this. Hopefully you’ll shift onto the motivational track to improve before you know it.

Remember the MIND–BODY CONNECTION (MBC) in this booklet. Once the body starts getting treated better, it will influence the brain or mind in a positive way and vice versa. For some it will happen immediately; for others, a week or two; some, a month later; and yet others, it could take longer. But positive change will occur if you keep at it.

STAY POSITIVE. Work on changing your cognition/thoughts to stay positive about anew behavior! Instead of saying, Well, I missed working out today so it’s all over, say, "Well, I missed today, so I’ll just tag on an extra half hour tomorrow or next week."

Example: In order to improve my pickleball game, I focus on staying positive by practicing one aspect at a time, like improving my backhand, or dinking or serving. I don’t worry about winning or losing, just developing my game, and that has helped me enjoy the game a lot more (and I’ve realized I’m winning more times).

Or if you eat more calories/sugar/salt than you want to at a meal, then plan to record it on a calendar or remember it, and the next meal eat fewer/lesser to compensate. (When I went out to lunch with my son and he gave me a piece of pie he had made, I ate it and said to myself, I will skip dessert at dinner or just eat fruit.)

Technology can help. The Apple, Fitbit, and Fitnus smartwatches are used by some people to help them with motivation and forming new habits. They can remind you to not sit too long, record the number of steps you take each day, notify you of your blood pressure and heart rate, etc.

REMEMBER – Maintain a positive attitude and thinking pattern, and you will see progress. Take small steps and practice repetition. Never beat yourself up, and be good to yourself. Many of the new healthy habits you are learning will also allow you to live longer and healthier. Let’s now explore some of the factors to consider about transitioning into retirement.