One Hundred Better-than-Average Jokes

By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered.

They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (thirty lines plus).

After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.

This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour of some jokes may be incomprehensible or opaque.

There is also a list of the jokes by title, and by number. Some of these sections may be more or less useful according to the format in which the book is viewed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly
• Release date: Jan 11, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301780181

Book preview

ONE HUNDRED BETTER-THAN-AVERAGE JOKES

Copyright 2013 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

Smashwords Edition

ISBN: 9781301780181

A website with books by Mr. Jackson-Firefly, which may or may not be up to date

http://www.livroy_kimkat.org

Front-cover Text: One Hundred Better-than-Average Jokes / A collection of jokes that are well below average quality / Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

This book should not really be copied as Mr. Jackson-Firefly is living on the fringes of poverty, and he informs us that he would prefer it if the book were purchased rather than be copied and freely distributed. He might thus enjoy a bowl of hot (or even cold) soup now and then purchased with whatever sporadic and sparse income that his literary genius provides. We appreciate your cooperation in helping Mr. Jackson-Firefly continue to eke out a (very) meagre existence as a campaigner for universal laughter.

The Editor.

LIST OF CONTENTS

1. INTRODUCTION (1% of the book)

2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE (6% of the book)

3. CONTENTS: JOKES 601-700 ACCORDING TO NUMBER (6% of the book)

The jokes begin here:

4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES (70% of the book)

5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED (20% of the book)

And here the book begins:

1. INTRODUCTION

This is the fifth compendium of jokes by Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly (the nom de plume of Ezekiel Jackson-Firefly). His first three joke books were published in April and May 2012 and the fourth in January 2013, to the delight of himself and the horror of connoisseurs of humorous writing. In all of 2012 nobody bought a single copy. To inflict further damage on the world of books and further revenge on the reading public, Mr. Jackson-Firefly has scraped together yet another one hundred jokes.

For the time being his cupboard (this is not a typing error - it is Mr Jackson-Firefly’s preferred spelling of the word) is empty. It contains not one single scrap of paper with a joke scrawled on it in Victorian copperplate hand at the moment. Doubtlessly however he’ll fill his inkwell with purple ink another time before too long and sharpen his quill pen and set to work. His quest for wealth through the publication of electronic books will not cease, even if his only consolation is to see his face pop up here and there on the websites of various booksellers who try in vain to sell his humorous writings. On this occasion Mr. Jackson-Firefly has proposed as a title ‘One Hundred Better-than-Average Jokes’ as they really are rather excellent.

As in the other collections, we have added a section ‘Don’t Get It?’ which explains the inner workings of the jokes for those readers who may not have seen the humour or understood the punchline. It might be useful to readers whose first language is not English, or then again be of no use to anybody. It was Mr. Jackson-Firefly’s idea, not mine. Who knows what he was thinking.

There is an eccentric numbering system for the jokes which Mr Jackson-Firefly is keen to patent. A search for the joke by adding the letter x to the joke number either at the beginning or the end should bring the reader to it instantly. Likewise, by adding the letter z at the beginning or the end the explanation of the joke might be found.

Mr Jackson-Firefly tells me he has nothing more to add to this introduction and has left the room to creep around the kitchen, having stated his intention of eating some crisp muffins with bitter-orange marmalade and to drink a cup of strong Assam tea.

And so, once again, I bid our dear readers farewell, The Editor.

2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE

A BEER FOR EVERYONE x0626x

A LEISURELY LIFE x0682x

A MODEL ‘S’ x0617x

A PIECE OF BAMBOO x0619x

A THOUSAND BRICKS x0616x

ADVICE TO A WORM x0622x

ARGON x0689x

ASKING FOR CHANGE x0608x

AT THE AIRLINE DESK x0634x

AT THE OLYMPIC GAMES x0697x

BREAKING THE RECORD x0620x

CAPTAIN FLINT x0606x

DENTIST OR PSYCHIATRIST x0693x

FETCH THE BALL x0611x

FETCHING A DOCTOR ON THE GOLF COURSE x0698x

FIFTEEN x0645x

GOING TO GET MARRIED x0643x

GOOD WORKS x0633x

HAPPY IS THE GENEROUS MAN x0618x

HOW FAR IS IT? x0631x

I CAN’T SEE x0661x

ICE-CREAM COWBOY x0601x

IN THE ALE-HOUSE x0652x

IN THE SOLICITOR’S OFFICE x0653x

JACK’S BROTHER DONKEY x0695x

LATE FOR CLASS x0636x

MAKING A WILL x0674x

MAN OVERBOARD x0603x

MOVING THE CAR x0628x

PROFITING FROM OTHERS’ MISTAKES x0671x

STATE OF HEALTH x0691x

STRANGE BEHAVIOUR x0664x

STUCK IN A LIFT x0672x

THANKING THE DOCTOR x0635x

THE AERIAL PHOTOS x0666x

THE ANIMAL QUIZ x0642x

THE ARCHBISHOP’S JOURNEY x0684x

THE BAD EXAM RESULTS x0686x

THE BAKER AND HIS NEIGHBOUR x0654x

THE BANK ROBBERY. x0621x

THE BARKING DOG x0681x

THE BELLY OF THE WHALE x0692x

THE BLACK CAT EXPERIMENT x0627x

THE CHEMIST WORKING IN THE CAFÉ x0659x

THE COLUMN OF ANTS x0670x

THE COWSHED x0630x

THE DENTIST’S PHONE NUMBER x0700x

THE DINNER PARTY x0660x

THE DRUNK MAN AT THE PARTY x0650x

THE EAR x0694x

THE ELECTION x0646x

THE EMPTY WHISKY BOTTLE x0658x

THE EVANGELICAL PREACHER x0615x

THE EXPENSIVE PARTY x0656x

THE FALSE CV x0679x

THE FANCY-DRESS PARTY x0612x

THE FAT LADY x0624x

THE FROG x0665x

THE GENERAL’S COMPLAINT x0609x

THE GOLFER AND THE ANTHILL x0669x

THE HOSPITAL APPOINTMENT x0644x

THE ICE CREAM x0688x

THE IDEAL GIFT x0651x

THE IMPORTANT JOB x0647x

THE LOCKED-IN KEYS x0696x

THE LONG TREK x0673x

THE MONK IN THE MONASTERY x0638x

THE MOO COWS x0629x

THE MUGGING x0639x

THE MURDERER x0662x

THE NEW FOOTBALL STADIUM x0677x

THE NEWSPAPER VENDOR x0667x

THE NUISANCE NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOUR x0610x

THE OLD CAPTAIN x0685x

THE OPPOSITION LEADER UNDER ARREST x0602x

THE PARACHUTIST x0604x

THE PERSISTENT COUGH x0699x

THE PIANO-PLAYING DOG x0649x

THE PIG IN THE PUB x0663x

THE PRIEST AND THE PLUMBER x0605x

THE PROBLEM FEET x0614x

THE RESCUED SAILOR x0607x

THE ROSES x0648x

THE RUINED TROUSERS x0641x

THE SANITY TEST x0623x

THE SHIPWRECKED SAILORS x0625x

THE SHORT MARRIAGE x0675x

THE SOCIAL WORKERS x0668x

THE SOLICITOR’S FEE x0683x

THE STINGY MILLIONAIRE x0657x

THE STRANGER IN THE BAR x0680x

THE STRAY DOG x0613x

THE SUDDEN BIRTH x0676x

THE TWO BEGGARS x0632x

THE TWO SAILORS AND THE ROPE x0687x

THE TWO SURFERS x0637x

THE WOMAN IN A COMA x0655x

UNUSUAL PEOPLE x0640x

WHICH ONE SHOULD I MARRY? x0678x

ZARDOR THE MAGICIAN x0690x

3. CONTENTS: JOKES 601-700 ACCORDING TO NUMBER

x0601x ICE-CREAM COWBOY

x0602x THE OPPOSITION LEADER UNDER ARREST

x0603x MAN OVERBOARD

x0604x THE PARACHUTIST

x0605x THE PRIEST AND THE PLUMBER

x0606x CAPTAIN FLINT

x0607x THE RESCUED SAILOR

x0608x ASKING FOR CHANGE

x0609x THE GENERAL’S COMPLAINT

x0610x THE NUISANCE NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOUR

x0611x FETCH THE BALL

x0612x THE FANCY-DRESS PARTY

x0613x THE STRAY DOG

x0614x THE PROBLEM FEET

x0615x THE EVANGELICAL PREACHER

x0616x A THOUSAND BRICKS

x0617x A MODEL ‘S’

x0618x HAPPY IS THE GENEROUS MAN

x0619x A PIECE OF BAMBOO

x0620x BREAKING THE RECORD

x0621x THE BANK ROBBERY.

x0622x ADVICE TO A WORM

x0623x THE SANITY TEST

x0624x THE FAT LADY

x0625x THE SHIPWRECKED SAILORS

x0626x A BEER FOR EVERYONE

x0627x THE BLACK CAT EXPERIMENT

x0628x MOVING THE CAR

x0629x THE MOO COWS

x0630x THE COWSHED

x0631x HOW FAR IS IT?

x0632x THE TWO BEGGARS

x0633x GOOD WORKS

x0634x AT THE AIRLINE DESK

x0635x THANKING THE DOCTOR

x0636x LATE FOR CLASS

x0637x THE TWO SURFERS

x0638x THE MONK IN THE MONASTERY

x0639x THE MUGGING

x0640x UNUSUAL PEOPLE

x0641x THE RUINED TROUSERS

x0642x THE ANIMAL QUIZ

x0643x GOING TO GET MARRIED

x0644x THE HOSPITAL APPOINTMENT

x0645x FIFTEEN

x0646x