LeTteR bocKS
SCIENTISTS say that in the future, all meals will be in the form of a pill. Let’s hope they are right, and they don’t develop them in the form of a suppository. I think that would make dining out a most unpleasant experience.
Umberto Coaltit, Hull
YOUNG people today just don’t appreciate the 14th century crop rotation systems. They’re all too busy on their X-boxes, watching those podcast things and using modern agricultural methodology.
David Slade, Stevenage
WELL DONE Dyson for giving customers free postage on your hair products. You wouldn’t want to take the piss by adding on £3 postage after charging £400 for a pair of fucking hair tongs.
Eldon Furse, Leeds
CAN THE super-attractive, dark haired lady, late 30s, white T-shirt, skin-tight stonewash jeans, pushing her trolley on the way out of Morrison’s in Bolton last Sunday at approximately 10.15am, please take note. If you are going to look that fucking gorgeous without seemingly trying, you’re going to get perverted, sexist bastards like me under your spell, completely fixated on your arse. It’s really, really unfair what you did. I’m the victim here. Same time next week?
R Williams, Bolton
IN REPLY to Thanston Crabb (Letterbocks, Viz 306), as any idiot knows, water only boils at 373 Kelvin at sea level. But whenever I pop the kettle on it’s done by 343.15 Kelvin, making 1000°C about 3.71 times the temperature of boiling water. So Mr Crabb can piss right off.
Tenzing Norgay, Everest
I JUST discovered that my NatWest debit card details had been stolen, and that somebody used them fraudulently to buy a Dominos pizza, £75 worth of clothes from Next and tickets to Chessington World of Adventure. I’m sure there’s a Two Ronnies style punchline about the type of person the police are looking for, but comedy isn’t my forte. Could any of your readers suggest a suitable quip?
Hector Golightly, Wells
What3words app is admittedly a very good idea, but I can’t help wondering if anyone’s ever been trapped in a location that sounds slightly pornographic. Being stuck in the middle of the moors, and texting “fudge.tunnel.fun” to the rescue services might not help
