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  • Viz Magazine3 min read
    Dark Matter
    RESEARCH at the CERN laboratories into finding the elusive Higgs boson – the fundamental sub-atomic particle that could hold the key to the origin of the universe – was halted yesterday after a man from Middlesbrough blocked the bogs. Phil Tinker, 52
    Viz Magazine3 min read
    11 Things You Never Knew About Trousers
    THEY are never alone, because they are always in pairs. They can be baggy, straight, tailored or flared, and chances are you put them on every day. In fact, you could be wearing a pair right now! They’re TROUSERS, and they are the single most popular
    Viz Magazine2 min read
    Flying High!
    A NOTTINGHAM man is celebrating tonight after saving £57 by wearing 27 pairs of trousers at the same time. 72-year-old Frank Bramblebee had booked a two week holiday in Lanzarote with his wife Edna, but refused to pay the extra money to take a cabin
    Viz Magazine1 min read
    Available Now!
    Record Collector Presents Eagles. The ultimate collectors’ guide to a stadium-straddling country-rock phenomenon, from Take It Easy to The Long Goodbye Tour. As they prepare to touch down in the UK, possibly for the last time, we trace the six-decade
    Viz Magazine2 min read
    NHS Fails Halifax Man
    AN UNEMPLOYED factory worker from Halifax claims he has been failed by the NHS and has been forced to seek alternative therapies privately to treat his medical condition. Last January, a week after his wife left him, 52-year-old Fenton Grange discove
    Viz Magazine3 min read
    The Most Trouser-mad Man In Britain!
    MEET Billy Tappit, a factory worker from Ashington in Northumberland. He’s your everyday man – he goes to work, he goes to the pub and he goes to the football on Saturday. But wherever he is, there’s one thing for certain… he’ll be wearing trousers!
    Viz Magazine9 min read
    Roger’s PROFANISAURUS
    profanisaurus@viz.co.uk add this to your playlist exclam. Something to say before letting off melodically. See also here’s one from my new album; here’s one written by our drummer; hey Google, what’s this song?; you’re gonna hear me roar; our survey
    Viz Magazine1 min read
    Star Letter
    IN 2022, a couple of friends and I went on a road trip to Normandy in order to take in the sites and stories which unfolded back in June 1944. It’s a long way from Lancashire to Normandy, so one of the rules of the trip was that we could each nominat
    Viz Magazine2 min read
    The Westie Wing
    IN HIS efforts to regain the White House, former US President DONALD TRUMP has gained an unlikely ally in the shape of a 7-year-old dog from Fulchester. Jock – a boisterous West Highland terrier – is the four-legged friend of local man Watt Tyndall,
    Viz Magazine1 min read
    Kids Say the Funniest Things…About Trousers!
    “WHILST in the queue for the supermarket checkout, my 5-year old turned to me and said, proud as Punch, “Daddy, I done a shit in my trousers!” Blushingly, I admonished him in front of the customers and staff for using such coarse, inappropriate langu
    Viz Magazine2 min readIntelligence (AI) & Semantics
    Soap On AI Rope!
    THE UK’s first soap opera generated entirely by Artificial Intelligence will hit the nation’s TV screens later this year. The daily show, Suncanny Valley, is the brainchild of an Alexa device sat by the kitchen television of 84-year-old Edith Wilbert
    Viz Magazine1 min read
    Four ‘E’s A Jolly Good Fellow!
    LEEE John, the vocalist with eighties band Imagination, has added yet another ‘e’ to his Christian name. Famously spelling his Christian name with 3 e’s, the Just an Illusion hitmaker yesterday announced the change to his 10,000 X (formerly Twitter)
    Viz Magazine4 min read
    World News Roundup
    THE ROYAL Mint has announced a new commemorative 50p coin will be struck later this year to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the release of the sci-fi action film Timecop. The film, which is described as a ‘low-rent Terminator’ with a score of 48% o
    Viz Magazine1 min read
    Subscribe Now To The Uk’s Longest-running Music Monthly
    “THE BEST NEWS, REVIEWS AND INTERVIEWS, STORIES AND DISCOGRAPHIES – EVERY FOUR WEEKS” AVAILABLE TO ORDER FROM HERE: shop.recordcollectormag.com/RCPXVIZ ■
    Viz Magazine1 min readFinance & Money Management
    Choose Your Viz Print Subscription… …then Choose Your Free Gift!
    6-MONTH GET A FREE ISSUE! -OR- 12-MONTH GET A FREE VIZ MUG! • A FREE issue of Viz with 6-month subscription* • FREE Viz Superhero mug on 1-year subscription* • FREE delivery of every issue • SAVE on the cover price • Every issue delivered BEFORE it’s
    Viz Magazine2 min read
    Arstronaughty!
    DISASTER on the International Space Station was narrowly averted last week after one of the astronauts ripped the trousers of his spacesuit. KECKSCLUSIVE! British astronaut Toby Mange was on a spacewalk to replace a damaged solenoid on one of the sta
    Viz Magazine2 min read
    50 QUID CRAPTIC CROSSWORD No. 333
    1 Deception complete penetrating mug (5-2) 5 European relative stabbed by bog brush at the rear (7) 10 Rich setter’s dicky less rigid? (10) 11 See 27 12 Libation includes a drink from the hairy goblet (9) 13 Entice jailbait, emptying bags (5) 14 Shir
    Viz Magazine2 min read
    Glam Rockers Feel The Squeeze
    GLAM rock is all about loud music, over-the-top costumes and big hair. But if there is one thing that makes glam rockers stand out from the pop crowd, it’s their tight trousers. When bands like Bon Jovi, Van Halen and Kiss take to the stage in their
    Viz Magazine1 min read
    Walkies Talkies!
    WE went on the streets and asked people walking their dogs if their animal did anything unusual when a rightwing politician came onto their TV screens… and we found that Jock is far from the only canine to endorse a political gobshite… “MY SAUSAGE do
    Viz Magazine2 min read
    Money-saving Tips
    MARTYN Lewis here, the newsreader, not the money saving expert who’s quite litigious when it comes to people impersonating him online and in the media. As the Cost of Living crisis continues, it’s becoming harder and harder to keep our budgets in ord
    Viz Magazine11 min read
    No-go Britain!
    BACK in February, Conservative MP PAUL SCULLY ruffled more than a few Liberal Elite feathers by referring to various culturally diverse districts in Britain as ‘no-go areas’. The member for Sutton and Cheam was rabidly set upon by the snowflake Loony
    Viz Magazine2 min readInternational Relations
    Nuclear Flare-up
    WITH war raging in Continental Europe and the future of the planet in the hands of a tinpot Russian dictator, the world is currently in a perilous state. Not since the Bay of Pigs crisis in 1962 has our planet teetered so close to nuclear war. With V
    Viz Magazine2 min read
    ’Boro Bog Blockers
    MR Tinker is not the first inhabitant of Middlesbrough to block a toilet, and he is unlikely to be the last. We called up some famous sons and daughters of the north-east town to ask about times when they back-filled a chod-bin. ’Boro born footballer
    Viz Magazine1 min read
    Get The New Book By Gavin Mitchell ‘Polaris’
    At the height of the Napoleonic wars, Mr Midshipman Reeman’s first assignment after passing his Lieutenant’s exam is not what he had been dreaming of. The state of the art cutter Polaris is overmanned not only by a very top-heavy complement of prime
    Viz Magazine1 min readForeign Language Studies
    Word Up, Trousers Down
    WE’VE all said the word trousers at some point in our lives. In fact, the average person uses the word around 4 times every day. But when saying it, have we ever stopped to think where the word comes from? We asked YouTube etymologist BOBBY WORDS to
    Viz Magazine2 min read
    Top Tips
    PORN website designers. Create a nostalgic feel by putting the porn on the top part of the screen next to some pictures of motorcycle and car magazines. For extra authenticity add a few Pringles cans, some fizzy drinks, and a cardboard sign saying NO
    Viz Magazine13 min read
    LetTer BoCKS
    SOME of those potholes on the moon are absolutely enormous, with many of them the size of a crater and visible from Earth. Honestly, it’s only a matter of time before a Lunar Rover or some other mobile landing craft loses a wheel, or worse, turns ove
    Viz Magazine7 min read
    DAVID v ROY v NORA WHO’S THE HARDEST BATTY?
    THE world today is a terrible place where the weak are exploited by the powerful, and only the strong survive. So possessing a tough, fearless demeanour and a non-on-sense attitude is a great advantage for anyone. And when it comes to being hard-as-n
    Viz Magazine3 min read
    10 Things You Never Knew About Holy Grails
    THEY’RE ancient, they’re venerated and they’re the actual cup that our Lord Jesus drank from at the Last Supper. They’re Holy Grails, and chances are there’s one in a church near you. But despite their ubiquity, how much do you actually know about th
    Viz Magazine2 min read
    All Aboard the Grail-vy Train!
    WE’VE all dreamed of becoming a millionaire. Whether we earn it, win it, inherit it or steal it, the desire to have a six-figure fortune in our bank accounts is deep inside all of us. But there is another, simpler way of joining the elite club of the

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