One Hundred Wonderful Jokes

By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered.

They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (thirty lines plus).

After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.

This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour of some jokes may be incomprehensible or opaque.

There is also a list of the jokes by title, and by number. Some of these sections may be more or less useful according to the format in which the book is viewed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly
• Release date: Sep 9, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301858538

Book preview

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ONE HUNDRED WONDERFUL JOKES

Copyright 2013 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

Smashwords Edition

ISBN: 9781301858538

COVER TEXT: / One Hundred Wonderful Jokes / Readers’ Comments made up by the author himself: / Siht koob si lufrednow! (supposedly submitted by a right-to-left reader) / Wonderful! / Couldn’t be wonderfuller! / A world of wonderfulness! / Wonders will never cease! / Not a one-trick wonder! / I shake my head in wonderment! / Wirklich wunderbar! / No wonder the author’s an e-book millionaire! / Wondrously wrought! / A wonderland of wit! / I wonder if anybody will buy these jokes? / Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly.

A website with books by Mr. Jackson-Firefly, which may or may not be up to date

http://www.livroy_kimkat.org

This book should not really be copied as its author, a certain Mr. Jackson-Firefly, is currently living in abject poverty and he badly needs what is known popularly as ‘money’. (He lives in a remote conifer plantation, with only the rusting hulk of an abandoned Austin Seven between him and the inclement weather). From his simple dwelling he informs us that he would prefer it if the book were purchased rather than be copied and freely distributed. Sales of his joke books will enable him to buy a weekly lottery ticket and also some food (usually stale bread and cut-price marmalade) now and then. We appreciate your cooperation in helping Mr. Jackson-Firefly show his defiance to the vultures circling over the clearing where his wheel-less vehicle is located, waiting for their chance to drop down on his lifeless form and pick his bones clean. Please help him continue his one-man campaign to fill the ether with his joke books crammed with his gentlemanly humour of the bland variety.

The Editor.

LIST OF CONTENTS

1. INTRODUCTION (1% of the book)

2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE (6% of the book)

3. CONTENTS: JOKES 1101-1200 ACCORDING TO NUMBER (6% of the book)

4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES (70% of the book)

5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED (20% of the book)

And here the book begins:

1. INTRODUCTION

This is the tenth compendium of jokes by Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly, the alter ego of Ezekiel Jackson-Firefly. (Ezekiel is his ‘absent twin’ when debt collectors arrive).

His first three joke books were published in April and May 2012 and the fourth and fifth and sixth in January 2013. The seventh emerged in March 2013. (In this month he drank copious amounts of Darjeeling tea and no doubt this is the reason for this great literary outpouring within the space of less than thirty-one days). The eighth saw light of day in April of that same year, and the gestation of the ninth was in May.

Mr. Jackson-Firefly is rather proud of his cottage industry which has made his name known to the many and has become a byword for splendidness in the realm of humour. Instead of whiling away his time in a tearoom perusing an unreadable local newspaper he spends his time wisely producing another kind of unreadable English literature.

Although nobody is interested at this time in his carefully crafted works he has faith in the generations to come who will see him as a hardy pioneer and genius. At present, he plans to sue the inventors of the Internet for producing a medium which dupes gullible authors into thinking that they might write electronic books and then actually sell them.

Another one hundred jokes have been given a good home with the arrival of ‘One Hundred Wonderful Jokes’. With this latest book, Mr. Jackson-Firefly has now published one thousand, three hundred jokes. His working title for the new volume of ‘One Hundred Dire Jokes’ was changed at the last minute for being too indicative of the contents, and also because it didn’t have the ‘ring’ to it that a word with three syllables beginning with ‘w’ and ending in ‘l’ might have. He discarded contenders such as ‘wilful’ and ‘wasteful’ for being mere disyllables, and for a while toyed with ‘woeful’ until he realised that this word too was short of a syllable. So he invented the word ‘wonderful’, by combining the noun ‘wonder’ with the suffix ‘ful’. He hopes this neologism does not offend the defenders of the English language, and is confident that it will ‘catch on’ as a synonym of ‘rather excellent’. He might use the word ‘woeful’ however for a future collection if he is obliged to do so by the Consumer Protection Agency.

The search for the more elusive jokes continues. There remain, by his calculations, another two hundred and twenty-six jokes at large in the world. No stone shall be left unturned as he goes in pursuit of them (though as yet he has found no jokes under any dislocated stone).

He has already made plans for future purchases should wealth start rolling his way. Foremost will be a fly-swatter to wage war against the hordes of winged insects which have found his home - the abandoned vehicle - to be a congenial spot to congregate.

So, in a nutshell (figuratively speaking), you have before you yet another book of jokes bearing the prestigious double-barrelled surname of this genial author. With this tenth volume the predicted world joke shortage has been averted and the fact that Mr. Jackson-Firefly has almost single-handedly made this catastrophe unlikely to happen brings him great contentment.

And as usual the various associations of purveyors of jokes are incensed by the arrival of a new volume bearing the moniker E.J.F. Members of Parliament are being bribed at this very moment to ask questions in the House of Commons about the possibility of curtailing the activities of Mr. Jackson-Firefly. The Immigration Service has been pressured to deport him to where he came from, which is proving difficult as where he came from is precisely where he is now. The police have been requested to arrest him for doing untold damage to English literature, but no such offence at