One Hundred Twenty-First-Century Jokes

By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

This is a compilation of one hundred jokes. Each joke is given a title and is numbered.
They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (thirty lines plus).
After the joke there is a commentary which explains the joke for readers who might not have fully understood it.
This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour of some jokes may be incomprehensible or opaque.
There is also a list of the jokes by title, and by number.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly
• Release date: Oct 29, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370898831

Book preview

One Hundred Twenty-First-Century Jokes

By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

Copyright 2016 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

Smashwords Edition

COPYRIGHT: This joke pamphlet by a purported Mister Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly is the result many nights of toil in a cold leaking outhouse. Please reward the author by buying the book instead of acquiring copies along with adware and unwanted browsers from Russian websites for free.

Thank you for helping the author become a trillionaire. I am, at present, The Editor.

CONTENTS

TEXT OF THE COVER

INTRODUCTION

JOKES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER

JOKES ACCORDING TO NUMBER

JOKES 2601-2650

JOKES 2651-2670

TEXT OF THE COVER

Readers’ Comments

These are truly jokes of our time!

(AN OLD WOMAN WHO BELIEVES THAT THIS YEAR IS 1947)

This book contains a hundred jokes.

(THE TOWN COUNCIL WEIGHTS AND MEASURES DEPARTMENT)

Mr Jackson-Firefly, encrypt your jokes to prevent plagiarism.

(MANAGER OF AN ENCRYPTION COMPANY)

I bought this book last week. Who do I complain to?

(DELUDED PURCHASER WHO BELIEVES CONSUMERS HAVE RIGHTS)

I love your sekoj!

(NOHJ HTIMS, A MAN WHO SOMETIMES WRITES WORDS BACKWARDS)

Bring back the Roman Empire!

(A TROLL)

Dear Mr. Jackson-Firefly, I’m afraid there’s no way I can minimise the damage impact to sales and reputation following your recent court appearance. The fee you have paid for my services is non-returnable, as per agreement.

(PUMPKIN HOPKINS, BUSINESS ADVISER AND MINIMISER OF DAMAGE IMPACT TO SALES AND REPUTATION)

Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

I loved this book!

(EBENEZER JACKSON-FIREFLY. ANY SIMILARITY TO THE NAME OF THE AUTHOR IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL)

Buy it now!

(EBENEZER JACKSON-FIREFLY. ANOTHER COINCIDENCE)

INTRODUCTION

This is number umpteen (probably twenty-three, in fact) in the series of joke books which the eminent jokewright, Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly, has been producing since 2012. (Not, let me hasten to add, for the clink of the myriad gold coins that vast sales of the books will bring him, but for a more nobler aim - the stimulation of human laughter.)

Before becoming a jokester and humourmonger, he was known more as an eminent amateur scientist and astronomer. He is known for some astounding scientific investigations – for example, he concluded that Adam and Eve were stranded space travellers (and so the origin of the human species need no longer be postulated, and the endless doubtful theories need no longer concern us). Another of his revelations was that the Sun DOES, after all, go around the Earth, thus confirming the wisdom of our distant forefathers.

At this point in the introduction, I, his âmanuênsis, have been instructed by the great man to note a couple of points that the local press have refused to print (the local Times, Reporter, Argus, Chronos and Mercury have all banned any contribution by, or mention of, Mr. Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly. It must be stated, clearly and directly, that they are not the upholders of the Truth they purport to be.)

Firstly, none of the above newspapers has seen fit to print his many letters to the Editor about Vowel Elimination. He pointed out that in ancient Hebrew texts vowels were not indicated (and he believes that this is also the case with modern Dutch). Vowel Elimination is something that he is most strongly in favour of, and there are many advantages from applying this system to written English. In this way these newspapers, which unfairly placed a veto on his ideas, would be written as the Tms, Rprtr, Rgs, Chrns and Mrcr. Such a method would be a great saving of paper and ink. Journalists would write quicker, and readers would read faster. The time saved each day by not having to read vowels could be profitably spent in cultivating tomatoes and cucumbers and runner beans in allotments, or combing the English countryside for the various pumas, jaguars, tigers, lions, leopards, cheetahs and other large felines which are said to have made their home there.

Secondly, (and this is another suggestion which the said newspapers - the Tms, Rprtr, Rgs, Chrns and Mrcr - have refused to print), Ebenezer opines that all humans should have tattoos in prominent places on their bodies. In this way the individuals who think they are far superior to fellow members of their community (because on their skin they have permanent disfigurations such as some badly spelt motto, or a skull looking like a potato infected with blight, or a butterfly like two pieces of burnt toast which have fallen to the floor) will no longer stand out from the tattooless. Everybody will have misspellings and potatoes and toast etched into their skin.

Having mentioned this couple of points, it now seems that ‘couple’ to Mr Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly in fact means ‘four’. He has noted two other censored proposals which he would like me to include in the introduction because of the unwillingness of the Tms, Rprtr, Rgs, Chrns and Mrcr to publish them.

One is that every household should adopt a badger. In this way we will know for sure whether they infect dairy cattle with tuberculosis. We could look out for symptoms such as a persistent cough that doesn’t clear up after three weeks; fever and night sweats; lack of appetite; weight loss; chest pain and coughing up blood; listlessness and fatigue. If we notice any of these symptoms we might conclude that the badger has TB. If it is seen looking for dairy herds in this condition we might then suspect a direct link between the condition in badgers and the same condition in cows. An alternative proposal is that each family keeps a cow, and keeps an eye out for TB symptoms, and for any socialising with badgers, who then develop the condition. We will again have established a link, but it may be that it is the ‘herds’ (here used in the sense of a group of cows) which are infecting the ‘clans’ (here used in the sense of a group of badgers), rather than the reverse.

His fourth request, and the last, I hope, is that I make mention of a recent Government proposal to build an express train line from London to somewhere or other (where it is going to is apparently a Government secret). It will pass within two miles of the wood in which Mr Jackson-Firefly (or Mr E. J-F. as he is known by lazy typists) lives. He wishes to put pressure on the Government to reroute the line – in fact, through the very clearing where he resides in an abandoned Austin Seven. In this way he might receive a large amount of compensation (somewhat optimistically, as the land is not in fact his). However, if he DOES succeed in having the route of the line altered, and it DOES pass through the clearing, but NO compensation is forthcoming, he will then CAMPAIGN for a station to be built there so that he can make rapid VISITS to London, or perhaps to the SOMEWHERE OR OTHER at the other end of this high-speed LINE.

Please note that the title of the present volume uses a comparative adjective form rarely used in English (probably because it is plainly wrong) – it refers to ‘Even More Gloriouser Jokes’. This is because the jokes are gloriouser than in a preceding work called ‘One Hundred Glorious