One Hundred Very Curious Jokes

By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered, and there is a list of the jokes by title and a list by number.
They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (more than a couple of lines).
After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.
This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour (or humor) of some jokes may be incomprehensible or opaque or even missing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly
• Release date: Feb 15, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310252341

Book preview

One Hundred Very Curious Jokes

By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

Copyright 2016 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

Smashwords Edition

Front-cover text: Readers’ Comments / Could somebody remove this parsley to give me room to make a comment? (A woman) / Could somebody remove this banana to give me room to make a comment? (The same woman) / I have absolutely no comment to make (The same woman again) / Parsley, Latin name Petroselinum, in the family Apiaceae, is native to the central Mediterranean region (southern Italy, Algeria, and Tunisia) (An out-of-work botanist) / Buy this book! (E. J-F.) / Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

COPYRIGHT: This wonderfully written joke book by jokologist Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly is the result of many long nights scratching away with a blunt quill pen in total darkness. It represents much hard work in the deluded hope of eventually earning a vast fortune. For this reason the Firefly (as he is known to entomologists) would like people to purchase the book rather than purloin copies of it through means electronic or otherwise. We appreciate your cooperation in aiding this impoverished author join the ranks of owners of ocean yachts and grand mansions. I am, as always, The Editor.

LIST OF CONTENTS

1. INTRODUCTION

2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE

3. CONTENTS: JOKES 1801-1900 ACCORDING TO REFERENCE NUMBER

The jokes begin here:

4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES

5. DON’T GET IT? THE JOKES EXPLAINED

This is the introduction to this book of jokes. We have helpfully labelled it the ‘Introduction’, as you might see if you care to continue reading.

1. INTRODUCTION

This is the seventeenth book of jokes by the purveyor and restorer of jokes and riddles, the eminently hyphened Mr. Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly (E stands for Ebenezer, as everybody knows.). It has been crafted over two months in his jokes laboratory, and has been typed out by me, the First Editor. (Second Editor: The First Editor is so called because he is not the Second Editor, which is me, who adds comments to his text if need be.) All complaints about the book (hopefully there will be none) should be addressed to the author himself, who lives in a clearing in a pine forest in an old abandoned Austin Seven.

Mr Jackson-Firefly has asked me to make the introduction rather longer than necessary as he would like to give the book a couple of extra pages to disguise its flimsy nature. [Second Editor: Is it really necessary to say this publicly?] To this end I will append some of the author’s current thoughts on certain matters.

How long does a cat live? Is it really from ten to fifteen years as the vets say? He has recently been offered a cat for sale which has reached rather an advanced age if this is so, and at a rather hefty price, since the value of a cat, he is assured, increases with age. A ten-year-old cat is worth twice as much as a five-year-old cat, and a fifteen-year-old cat three times as much, he has been informed. The cat he has been offered (sight unseen) is twenty-five years old. Maybe somebody who is au fait with cats and economic theory might enlighten him.

The Firefly (as he is known in boxing and cricket circles) would like to make it publicly known that he too upholds the commonly-held belief that the world is flat. This has been confirmed to him by a sentence in the King James Version of the Holy Bible. A certain prophet from Babylon called Daniel states this cryptically, probably as it went against the erroneous prevailing view of that time that the world was some kind of sphere. In chapter 4 verse 11 of his Book it is said The tree grew, and was strong, and the height thereof reached unto heaven, and the sight thereof to the end of all the earth. The Firefly is also somewhat concerned that a couple of personages who call themselves Copernicus and Galileo are presently arguing in favour of heliocentrism – the absurd idea that the planets of our solar system revolve around the sun. As the centuries pass, one would think that Mankind would become more enlightened. Instead we find that narrow thinking and doctrinaire are ever more frequent.

Having found astounding success with his joke books [Second Editor: Maybe ‘relative success’ is what is meant. Zero sales in four years, if a success at all, is not astounding] the Firefly has decided to branch out into the related field of fashion – that is, modish clothing – and perfumery, that is, consumer olfactory products. He is certain his magic touch will transform and revolutionise the world of haute couture and smells, just as the world of humour has been irrevocably changed with the publication of his twenty-five funny books.

As in the other collections, we have added a section ‘Don’t Get It?’ This explains what the joke might be about. Some readers are puzzled after reading some (or most) of the jokes. They will be equally puzzled after reading the explanations.

In fact, these explanations might be useful to readers whose first language is not English. Probably, however, they will be of no use to anybody, and Mr Jackson-Firefly will have wasted valuable joke-writing time unsuccessfully explaining the jokes he’s already written.

The explanations also make the book seem bulkier than it really is, as does this over-long and irrelevant introduction.

There is an eccentric numbering system for the jokes which Mr Jackson-Firefly is keen to patent. A search for the joke by adding the letter x to the joke number either at before the first digit, at the beginning, or after the last digit, at the end, should bring the reader to it instantly. Likewise, by adding the letter z at the beginning or the end of the joke number we have made it possible for the reader to find the explanation of the joke rapidly and easily and efficiently. But as has already been pointed out, what use is this feature in an e-book? (Second Editor: Yes, although an ingenious and apparently helpful innovation, it does seem to be rather unworkable – but then again, the same was said of electric kettles and of beer barrels made of wood).

His personal style is a twee trilby hart, a black trench coat, wraparound sunglasses, tartan trews with the MacMheanbh-chuileig clan design, and heavy hiking boots. His choice perfume is one for men made of ferns with the attractive name of Pteridologist.

Now I shall accompany the great writer to a local breakfastry, An Crúiscin Buí, run by a German gentleman with a long red beard and a green woollen kilt, for today he wishes to breakfast a l’irlandaise. He’ll have some arán donn (brown bread), or even a canda tósta (slice of toast), with marmalade (marmalade), followed by calóga arbhair (corn flakes), brioscáin rise (rice crispies), ispíní (sausages) and slisíní (rashers), an ubh bhruite (boiled egg), an ubh scrofa (scrambled egg) and an ubh friochta (fried egg). He’ll