One Hundred Very Interesting Jokes

By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

This is a compilation of one hundred (generally inoffensive) jokes, some short, some long. Each joke is given a title and is numbered.

They vary in length - from very short (a couple of lines) to fairly long (thirty lines plus).

After the main body of jokes there is a section which explains each one for readers who might not have fully understood the joke.

This could be useful for readers who are not native speakers of English - or even readers from other parts of the English-speaking world where the humour of some jokes may be incomprehensible or opaque.

There is also a list of the jokes by title, and by number. Some of these sections may be more or less useful according to the format in which the book is viewed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly
• Release date: Jan 9, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301220991

Book preview

1. INTRODUCTION

This is the fourth compendium of jokes by Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly (in fact a nom de plume, since his real name is Ezekiel Jackson-Firefly). His first three joke books were published in April and May 2012 to the delight of himself and the horror of connoisseurs of humorous writing. Nobody bought a single copy and as a further act of revenge on the reading public, Mr. Jackson-Firefly has let loose yet another one hundred jokes.

For the time being his cupboard is once more bare again of jokes. However, he’ll doubtlessly replenish it over the next few weeks and release another joke book, if only for the satisfaction of seeing the fruits of his literary genius appear on his computer screen in the catalogue of various booksellers. This time Mr. Jackson-Firefly has insisted on the title of ‘One Hundred Very Interesting Jokes’ in order to hoodwink the public yet again, as they are not at all interesting.

As in the other collections, we have added a section ‘Don’t Get It?’ which explains the inner workings of the jokes for those readers who may not have seen the humour or understood the punchline. It might be useful to readers whose first language is not English, or then again be of no use to anybody. It was Mr. Jackson-Firefly’s idea, not mine. Who knows what he was thinking.

There is an eccentric numbering system for the jokes which Mr Jackson-Firefly is keen to patent. A search for the joke by adding the letter x to the joke number either at the beginning or the end should bring the reader to it instantly. Likewise, by adding the letter z at the beginning or the end the explanation of the joke might be found.

Mr Jackson-Firefly tells me he has nothing more to add to this introduction and is creaking around the kitchen, having stated his intention to eat some quince jam with a runcible spoon and to drink a cup of warming breakfast tea.

A grand farewell for the time being, The Editor.

2. CONTENTS: JOKES BY TITLE

A DIFFICULT SPELLING QUESTION x0532x

A MEAL IN THE RESTAURANT x0598x

A NIGHT IN THE PUB x0508x

A SELF-MADE MAN x0599x

ADAM AND EVE x0593x

ALLIGATOR BOOTS x0530x

AT THE BORDER x0594x

CAKES AND ALE x0561x

CAUGHT SHIRKING x0554x

CHEMISTRY CLASS x0520x

CHRISTMAS PRESENTS x0577x

CLASSICAL LITERATURE x0578x

CLIP-CLOP x0526x

CORRECT ETIQUETTE x0556x

CURRENCY CONVERSION x0565x

DOCTOR AND PATIENT x0580x

DOWN BY THE RIVER x0543x

EGGS FOR BREAKFAST x0549x

ENGLISH GRAMMAR x0536x

EVERYONE’S BUSY x0544x

GIVE ME A BEER x0597x

HICCUPS x0595x

HOLMES AND WATSON x0563x

IN THE DESERT x0581x

IN THE LIBRARY x0504x

IN THE RIVER x0585x

KING OF THE ANIMALS - 1 x0569x

KING OF THE ANIMALS - 2 x0570x

MESSAGE TO FROG x0546x

MOUSE VERSUS CAT x0542x

MOVING PEOPLE ON x0551x

MY MAN x0562x

NO PROFANITY, PLEASE x0517x

SPELLING DIFFICULTIES x0588x

SWEET NAMES x0573x

THE ANGRY CAFÉ OWNER. x0509x

THE BAPTISM x0550x

THE BELLRINGER x0548x

THE BULL IN THE FIELD x0529x

THE CHRISTIAN HORSE x0600x

THE DANCING RATS x0513x

THE DIVORCE JUDGE x0545x

THE DOCTOR’S DIAGNOSIS x0560x

THE DUSTY MIRROR x0566x

THE ENGAGEMENT x0579x

THE ENGLISH ALPHABET x0534x

THE ESCAPED MONKEY x0572x

THE EYE TEST x0586x

THE FALSE SHOTGUN x0547x

THE FRENCH CLASS x0564x

THE FRENCH SCIENTIST’S BOOK x0531x

THE FUNNY NUMBERS x0506x

THE GENIE AND THE THREE WISHES x0503x

THE GERMAN COUSIN’S FARM x0589x

THE GHOST x0525x

THE GIRLFRIEND x0557x

THE HEAVY SNOWFALL x0582x

THE HIGH-HEELED SHOE x0528x

THE INDECISIVE TEACHER x0519x

THE INITIATIVE TEST x0512x

THE LECTURE x0505x

THE MARBLE x0558x

THE MURDER CASE x0552x

THE NEW MANAGER x0596x

THE OLD COUNTRY REMEDY x0583x

THE OLD FAMILY BIBLE x0518x

THE OLD MAN WITH THE WALKING STICK x0541x

THE OTHER CASTLE x0514x

THE PIANO PLAYER x0575x

THE PREACHER’S BIBLE x0576x

THE PRIEST’S FIRST MASS x0591x

THE PUPPY x0584x

THE QUICK DRINKER x0516x

THE RACEHORSE x0524x

THE RAILWAY STRIKE x0567x

THE RAILWAYMEN ON TRIAL x0507x

THE REAL COWBOY x0539x

THE RECOMMENDED BOOK x0537x

THE REFERENCES x0555x

THE RESTAURANT BILL x0559x

THE SLEEPING PILLS x0510x

THE SNOWSTORM x0568x

THE SPELLING TEST x0533x

THE STOLEN LORRY x0515x

THE SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS x0592x

THE TATTOOED MAN x0553x

THE THREE AGENTS x0540x

THE TRIP INTO TOWN x0522x

THE TWIN HORSES x0527x

THE TWO HIKERS x0511x

THE VAMPIRE BATS x0521x

THE VET x0587x

THE WHITE HORSE x0523x

THE WOLF CUB AND HIS MOTHER x0502x

THE WOULD-BE SUICIDE x0538x

THEOLOGICAL DELIBERATIONS x0571x

THIS CAT IS NOT FOR SALE x0501x

UNUSUAL WORDS x0590x

WHICH WAY DO I GO? x0574x

WHO WROTE IT? x0535x

3. CONTENTS: JOKES 1-100 ACCORDING TO NUMBER

x0501x THIS CAT IS NOT FOR SALE

x0502x THE WOLF CUB AND HIS MOTHER

x0503x THE GENIE AND THE THREE WISHES

x0504x IN THE LIBRARY

x0505x THE LECTURE

x0506x THE FUNNY NUMBERS

x0507x THE RAILWAYMEN ON TRIAL

x0508x A NIGHT IN THE PUB

x0509x THE ANGRY CAFÉ OWNER.

x0510x THE SLEEPING PILLS

x0511x THE TWO HIKERS

x0512x THE INITIATIVE TEST

x0513x THE DANCING RATS

x0514x THE OTHER CASTLE

x0515x THE STOLEN LORRY

x0516x THE QUICK DRINKER

x0517x NO PROFANITY, PLEASE

x0518x THE OLD FAMILY BIBLE

x0519x THE INDECISIVE TEACHER

x0520x CHEMISTRY CLASS

x0521x THE VAMPIRE BATS

x0522x THE TRIP INTO TOWN

x0523x THE WHITE HORSE

x0524x THE RACEHORSE

x0525x THE GHOST

x0526x CLIP-CLOP

x0527x THE TWIN HORSES

x0528x THE HIGH-HEELED SHOE

x0529x THE BULL IN THE FIELD

x0530x ALLIGATOR BOOTS

x0531x THE FRENCH SCIENTIST’S BOOK

x0532x A DIFFICULT SPELLING QUESTION

x0533x THE SPELLING TEST

x0534x THE ENGLISH ALPHABET

x0535x WHO WROTE IT?

x0536x ENGLISH GRAMMAR

x0537x THE RECOMMENDED BOOK

x0538x THE WOULD-BE SUICIDE

x0539x THE REAL COWBOY

x0540x THE THREE AGENTS

x0541x THE OLD MAN WITH THE WALKING STICK

x0542x MOUSE VERSUS CAT

x0543x DOWN BY THE RIVER

x0544x EVERYONE’S BUSY

x0545x THE DIVORCE JUDGE

x0546x MESSAGE TO FROG

x0547x THE FALSE SHOTGUN

x0548x THE BELLRINGER

x0549x EGGS FOR BREAKFAST

x0550x THE BAPTISM

x0551x MOVING PEOPLE ON

x0552x THE MURDER CASE

x0553x THE TATTOOED MAN

x0554x CAUGHT SHIRKING

x0555x THE REFERENCES

x0556x CORRECT ETIQUETTE

x0557x THE GIRLFRIEND

x0558x THE MARBLE

x0559x THE RESTAURANT BILL

x0560x THE DOCTOR’S DIAGNOSIS

x0561x CAKES AND ALE

x0562x MY MAN

x0563x HOLMES AND WATSON

x0564x THE FRENCH CLASS

x0565x CURRENCY CONVERSION

x0566x THE DUSTY MIRROR

x0567x THE RAILWAY STRIKE

x0568x THE SNOWSTORM

x0569x KING OF THE ANIMALS - 1

x0570x KING OF THE ANIMALS - 2

x0571x THEOLOGICAL DELIBERATIONS

x0572x THE ESCAPED MONKEY

x0573x SWEET NAMES

x0574x WHICH WAY DO I GO?

x0575x THE PIANO PLAYER

x0576x THE PREACHER’S BIBLE

x0577x CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

x0578x CLASSICAL LITERATURE

x0579x THE ENGAGEMENT

x0580x DOCTOR AND PATIENT

x0581x IN THE DESERT

x0582x THE HEAVY SNOWFALL

x0583x THE OLD COUNTRY REMEDY

x0584x THE PUPPY

x0585x IN THE RIVER

x0586x THE EYE TEST

x0587x THE VET

x0588x SPELLING DIFFICULTIES

x0589x THE GERMAN COUSIN’S FARM

x0590x UNUSUAL WORDS

x0591x THE PRIEST’S FIRST MASS

x0592x THE SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS

x0593x ADAM AND EVE

x0594x AT THE BORDER

x0595x HICCUPS

x0596x THE NEW MANAGER

x0597x GIVE ME A BEER

x0598x A MEAL IN THE RESTAURANT

x0599x A SELF-MADE MAN

x0600x THE CHRISTIAN HORSE

4. ONE HUNDRED JOKES

x0501x THIS CAT IS NOT FOR SALE

A beggar was sitting on the street in London where there were many antique shops. Next to him he had a sign asking for money to feed himself and his cat, which was sitting next to him. It was a skinny ugly-looking cat. In front of it there was a willow-pattern saucer with milk in it.

An antique dealer walking past the beggar noticed that the saucer was very valuable, and wondered how he could obtain it. He knew that if he offered money for the saucer the beggar would become suspicious and would realise that it was valuable and ask a very high price for it, so instead he said,

What a lovely cat you have! Is it a he or a she?

It’s a he, said the beggar. It’s a tomcat.

Well, what a handsome little animal he is! said the antique dealer. Has he got a name?

He’s called Tiger, said the beggar.

I really like him, said the antique dealer. I wonder if you’d sell him to me?

This cat is not for sale! said the beggar.

Ten pounds? asked the antique dealer.

Not for sale.

Twenty?

Not for sale.

Since the saucer was worth hundreds of pounds, the antique dealer offered more and more money. When he reached two hundred pounds the beggar agreed to sell Tiger.

He gave the money to the beggar and picked up the ugly skinny cat, and said, "Since I’ve paid you two hundred pounds for the cat, you