Five Hundred Riddles and Ruddles

By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

Five hundred riddles presented in three ways - firstly, the riddles without the answers; secondly, the riddles and their answers; and thirdly, the riddles and the answers to them followed by a commentary or explanation of the riddle. SOme of the riddles may be well-known, others are little-known.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly
• Release date: Aug 25, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311326423

Book preview

Five Hundred Riddles and Ruddles

By Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

Copyright 2015 Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly

Smashwords Edition

Front-cover text: FIVE HUNDRED RIDDLES AND RUDDLES / When is a riddle not a ruddle? / What’s got a head and a tail but no legs? A penny. / Riddle-me, riddle-me-ree, p’raps you can’t tell me what this may be? / What two odd numbers are partly even? / EBENEZER JACKSON-FIREFLY

LIST OF CONTENTS

1 INTRODUCTION

2 RIDDLES WITHOUT THE ANSWER Findable with the letter x. For example,: x145x etc

3 RIDDLES WITH THE ANSWER Findable with the letter y. For example, y145y etc

4 RIDDLES WITH THE ANSWER WITH AN EXPLANATION OF THE RIDDLE Findable with the letter z. For example, z145z etc

5 OTHER JOKE BOOKS BY THE SAME AUTHOR

The introduction now follows.The author (Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly) has informed me (the Editor) that it is obligatory to read the introduction, though he hasn’t explained why. If you are sure he’ll never find out, you may skip it and go straight on to the riddles.

1 INTRODUCTION

The famed jokester Mr. Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly has now brought out this collection of riddles and ruddles. As I was unaware of the word ‘ruddle’ until now I had to consult a dictionary, or as Mr. Jackson-Firefly would have it, a ‘wordbook’.

It turns out that ruddle is a dye for colouring sheep, a word from Old English ‘rudu’ meaning red, and related to the adjective ‘ruddy’. I asked Mr. Jackson-Firefly if perchance this was the sense that he intended - five hundred riddles and an equal number of red dyes for marking sheep.

No, he replied. The original title was ‘Five Hundred Proper-or-Serious Riddles and Funny-or-Joke Riddles’. And he continued, "A ‘proper riddle’ or ‘serious riddle’ is more of a brainteaser. Let me give you an example:

Why is an island like the letter T?

Because it is in the middle of water.

And a joke riddle or funny riddle is one where the answer is humorous, such as this:

What is the definition of a Scottish gentleman?

It is one who can play the bagpipes but doesn’t.

Mr. Jackson-Firefly went on to explain that these nice distinctions made the title too long, and so he decided to simplify it and omit ‘Proper-or-Serious’ and ‘Funny-or-Joke’, and call his little volume ‘Five Hundred Riddles and Riddles’. But in typing this snappy title he hit the wrong key on his mechanical typewriter and an ‘i’ emerged as a ‘u’. So he had ‘riddles and ruddles’.

He saw at once that he’d unwittingly solved a problem that has beset the world of humorous writing and the world of brainteasing for some centuries past - what do we call riddles which have a riddle-type question but a jokey answer. Evidently they are ruddles.

After this fortuitous discovery, Mr Jackson-Firefly immediately set to it to produce the first ruddle which contains the word ruddle. He was so proud of it that it has pride of place in this collection and he has placed it on the cover of the book.

When is a riddle not a riddle? When it’s a ruddle.

He had wanted this to be an exception – inside the book he had wanted to present the riddles (and ruddles) without any answers. (He is something of a purist in these matters.)

In the end we have come up with a compromise solution - there are three sections. Firstly, the riddles (and ruddles) without an answer which should appeal to readers who like reading the questions but not the answers (The majority, according to Mr Jackson-Firefly).

The second section, added much to Ebenezer Jackson-Firefly’s chagrin and initially without his approval, contains the same riddles (and ruddles), with their respective answers.

(Not necessary, Mr Jackson Firefly had insisted, but after plying him with tea and chocolate cake a sound emerged from within him which we took to be an affirmative of some sort, and so we have included this section).

And the third section is our explanation of the riddles (and ruddles). Although in most cases the explanation would seem obvious, it might be useful for readers whose first language is not English.

This section, as with the riddles (and ruddles) themselves, could be translated using ‘Google Translator’ or an equivalent translator if the English text is not fully understood, and this should baffle the non-understanding reader even further.

There is a rudimentary classification of each riddle according to type, for a proposed index. But as Mr Jackson-Firefly has other apples in his dish to attend to, it remains in a state of evident rudimentariness, and consequently, complete uselessness.

2 RIDDLES WITHOUT THE ANSWER: Findable with the letter x. For example,: x145x etc

x001x What’s the best month of the year for a military parade?

x002x What three letters will change a boy into a man?

x003x There are three apples on the table. You take away two. How many apples do you have?

x004x What do you get when you play a pop song backwards?

x005x What’s in the middle of Paris?

x006x If you are bored how can you make time fly quickly?

x007x They’re often drunk in wedding parties but are never intoxicated. What’s the answer to this?

x008x What should you give a horse with a cough?

x009x Add eight eights together to get the sum of one thousand. How’s it done?

x010x It goes from place to place on only one foot. What is it?

x011x It’s an invention that lets you look through walls. What’s its name?

x012x What is grey, has long legs and a hump, and is found in the Antarctic?

x013x What's smaller than an ant's mouth?

x014x Three Englishmen were walking down the street - a bank manager, a farmer and an undertaker. Which one had the biggest hat?

x015x What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?

x016x What do you see if you look on a street map of Los Angeles?

x017x What insect eats nothing?

x018x What’s red and hard and bad for your teeth?

x019x What’s worse than finding a slug in your lettuce?

x020x Why do writers seek inspiration in cemeteries?

x021x What kind of underpants do reporters wear?

x022x On a very foggy day how can you see a hundred feet in the air?

x023x It’s bought by the yard and worn by the foot. What is it?

x024x In a field there are two cows in front of a cow, two cows behind a cow, and one cow in the middle. How many cows are there?

x025x Why did medieval knights ride horses?

x026x What do we often return to somebody even though we’ve never borrowed them?

x027x If you don’t keep it, it gets broken. What is it?

x028x It has twenty-two legs and two wings. What is it?

x029x What do you call a man lying behind the front door?

x030x Why is the letter 't' like an island?

x031x Two’s company and three’s a crowd. But what’s four and five?

x032x What do you call dinosaurs that sank to the bottom of the sea?

x033x What will you always find in the middle of nowhere?

x034x What’s the definition of a Scottish gentleman?

x035x Why didn’t the policeman get out of bed in the morning?

x036x What do you call an Australian goods train that scares people?

x037x What’s the difference between a horse and a duck?

x038x What has two legs and can only move about without its two legs touching the ground at all?

x039x What insect is half another insect?

x040x A cowboy rode into town on Thursday, stayed three days and rode out on Thursday. How was this possible?

x041x A train goes from Edinburgh to Glasgow. It’s a slow train, going at 60mph. At the same time a train leaves Glasgow for Edinburgh. It’s a fast train, travelling at 100 miles per hour. The distance between the two cities is 50 miles. Which train will be nearer Edinburgh when they meet?

x042x How many books will go into an empty box so that it won’t be too heavy to lift?

x043x It binds two people and yet touches only one of them. What is it?

x044x It has five eyes and yet it can’t see. What is it?

x045x It has two legs and flies, but cannot walk. What is it?

x046x It’s American and the left side is curved and the right side is curved and it’s high in the middle. What can it be?

x047x If Ching Chong went to Hong Kong to play ping-pong with Ding Dong and died, what would they put on his coffin?

x048x What has eleven heads and runs around screaming?

x049x What vegetables don't sailors like to have on a ship?

x050x What's black and yellow and goes 'zzub'?

x051x When you lose something, why is it always in the last place that you looked for it?

x052x The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?

x053x Two fathers and two sons go to fetch a coconut from the forest. Each comes back with a coconut, but there are only three coconuts. How is this possible?

x054x What belt needs no buckle?

x055x What did the bank robber say when he was stuck in a traffic jam?

x056x What do whales have that no other mammals have?

x057x What do you get it you cross a snake with a rabbit?

x058x What does a spider say to a fly caught in his web?

x059x What flowers do Americans have on their face under their noses but English people do not?

x060x What has only one eye and is found on classroom walls?

x061x What is the most common use for a sheepskin?

x062x What’s Doc Holliday short for?

x063x What’s the best time for picking apples?

x064x What’s the difference between a thirty-year-old rock guitarist and a loaf of bread?

x065x What’s the tallest building in Transylvania?

x066x Where is the cart always put before the horse?

x067x Why did number 6 refuse to stand on its head?

x068x Why do whales live in salt water?

x069x You go into a dark room with a box of matches. You can light a candle, the fire in the fireplace or a kerosene lamp. What should you light first?

x070x Three people share a small umbrella. The umbrella not big enough to shelter them all from the rain, but when they arrive home they’re all completely dry. How is this possible?

x071x What do you give a lemon that’s in trouble and asking for help?

x072x What shoes does a bear wear?

x073x What was Mr. Ippy’s wife called?

x074x Who does everyone listen to but nobody believes?

x075x Why does a dog have more clothes in the summer than in winter?

x076x What’s worse than a baby screaming on a bus?

x077x Where do moths dance?

x078x How many legs are there on a dining table usually?

x079x A motorist ate the quarter glass from the driver’s door in his car. He was taken to hospital and his condition was diagnosed. What was it?

x080x What do you call two witches who live together in a bedsit?

x081x White witches are good witches and black witches are bad witches. How do you distinguish them?

x082x What’s black and white but frequently red?

x083x Was the bald man given a comb happy or unhappy?

x084x Two cats challenge each other to swim across a river. One is French and is wearing a cap which says ‘Un Deux Trois’. The other cat is English and is wearing a cap that says ‘ABC’. One reached the other side and the other drowned. Which one reached the other side?

x085x Take away one letter and I don’t change; take away two letters and I don’t change; take away all my letters and I don’t change. What am I?

x086x Add two to eleven and you get one. How is this possible?

x087x How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

x088x Why are oranges like bells?

x089x A detective is sitting in his car. The street lights are not turned on, the car headlights are not switched on, and there is no moon in the sky. Through the still air he hears the church clock strike three. He sees the suspect clearly as he crosses the road. How was this possible?

x090x How do you know when a Bulgarian fiddle player’s instrument is out of tune?

x091x Imagine you’re in a room with no windows and a door which is impossible to open. You are tied up and the room is slowly filling with water. How do you get out of this terrible situation?

x092x It loses its head in the morning but gets its head back at night. What is it?

x093x If a clock strikes ten, it's ten o' clock. If a clock strikes thirteen, what time is it?

x094x What do you use before you make it?

x095x What teeth won't a dentist treat?

x096x What's the ideal length for a shoe?

x097x Why should a bride be unhappy on her wedding day?

x098x What is broken if you mention its name?

x099x What do heavy metal guitarists say whenever you ask them a question?

x100x What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?

x101x What did people call Henry VIII after his death?

x102x What word in English is usually (probably more than 99% of the time!) written incorrectly?

x103x What do horses say to their owners when they’re hungry?

x104x When the rain comes down what goes up?

x105x Why didn’t the sun go to college?

x106x Why part of your face is your ‘irighti’?

x107x What is full of holes and yet can hold a lot of water?

x108x What do angry lawyers do?

x109x What is dirty when it’s white and clean when it’s black?

x110x A baker’s brother died. But the newspaper said that the dead man had no brother. Why was that?

x111x If you make it you don’t say. It you take it you don’t know. If you know what it is you don’t want it.

x112x Why can’t people living in London be buried in the graveyard at St. Martin’s in the Field church?

x113x Which state in the USA always has a high exam score?

x114x What did the tall candle say to the short candle?

x115x If you have a dozen five-cent coins in your hand, what amount are you holding?

x116x When is a child not a child?

x117x A five-letter word. If you take away the first letter, the word still sounds the same. Take away the last letter and it still sounds the same. Take away the middle letter and it still sounds the same. What word is this?

x118x How do you ask an elk the time?

x119x In a typical week in England, how many days have no sun?

x120x How can you drop an egg four feet without breaking it?

x121x It’s the year 1950. At Euston station various steam trains are setting out. A strong south wind is blowing and half a mile north of the station an electric train is travelling slowly north along the main line. In what direction is the smoke going?

x122x How far is it possible to go into a jungle?

x123x What flies in the wind but never goes anywhere?

x124x What kind of table has got no legs?

x125x What tune does everybody like?

x126x What's the difference between a greedy man and a hungry man?

x127x Something that you have if you don’t share it, but if you do share it you won’t have it.

x128x What belongs to you, but other people use a lot more than you do?

x129x What cheese is made backwards?

x130x What word is a fish with seven eyes?

x131x The King decides that his Minister must die as he suspects him of being a spy. As they are old childhood friends he tells the Minister that he may choose his own way to die. What should the Minister choose as the way to die?

x132x What falls but never reaches the ground?

x133x What goes round and round the wood but never goes into the wood?

x134x What name beginning with ‘n’ is given to a deer that’s got no eyes?

x135x What word is the