A Pre-Book and a Victim's Guide to Surviving the Narcissist/Sociopath Updated

By Sereena Nightshade

The Victim's Guide to Surviving the Narcissist/Sociopath Updated and its first position 300-plus page Pre-Book is a two books-in-one book designed to assist victims of covert spousal predators and their support persons understand the reality of the covert spousal predator (i.e. the narcissist, malignant narcissist, sociopath/psychopath, dual diagnosed/dual diagnosable, narcopath). This material delves into the worst case scenario possible for the spousal victim as well as common red flags, exploitation, strip-mining, predatory take-ALL agenda and abuse patterns perpetrated by the covert spousal predator in his/her hunting prime and afterward when the predator decompensates. Many valuable references are provided throughout this book for further education/research and understanding. Readers are strongly encouraged to continue their review of material created by all of the referenced educators and authors listed in this book. Moreover, the top mistakes made by victims, support persons for victims, professionals, law enforcement and others are detailed in the hopes that readers will avoid making as many of these errors as they face various scenarios with the predator or predators in their lives or in the lives of others they are attempting to assist. For spousal victims in the worst case scenario with an empowered/aided and abetted covert spousal predator (i.e. situations where common minor children are involved) this book covers topics typically not touched in the material of others. This book is not about overt spousal predators (i.e. abusers whose victims can effectively use the system and/or domestic violence shelter assistance to flee) though overt predators perpetrate many of the same abuse patterns minus the skill of becoming aided and abetted via abuse by proxy scams, which are commonly the mainstay of the covert predator's take-ALL agenda.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 15, 2016
• ISBN: 9781493117970

Book preview

A PRE-BOOK AND A VICTIM’S

GUIDE TO SURVIVING THE

NARCISSIST/SOCIOPATH

UPDATED

Sereena Nightshade

Edited by Brian Guzzi

Copyright © 2016 by Sereena Nightshade.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2013918703

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-4931-1796-3

                Softcover        978-1-4931-1795-6

                eBook            978-1-4931-1797-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 01/14/2016

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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Contents

Foreword

Prologue to Pre-Book

Prelude to Hell

Quick Run-Down Recap Clarification – Low Ebb Abuses Versus Severe Abuses

Some Relevant Terms with Informal Word Definitions

Where Do These Spousal Predators Originally Come From?

What Kind of Behaviors Do the Sociopath/Psychopath Predators Display in Youth?

Initial Overview at a Glance: What Do Potential Victims Need to Know First?

Quick Run-Through on How Predator’s Hook, Shred-Down & Discard Spousal Victims

If Spousal Predator’s Can’t Sincerely Love Why Do They Get Married?

Things You May Notice In the Very Beginning

Quick Basic Recap & Some of the Additional Red Flags & Abuses You May See:

The Covert Predator Goes Above and Beyond to Maintain Public Image to Outsiders

Up-Up and Away – The First Misunderstanding is About Overt vs Covert Predators

The Overt Versus the Covert Spousal Predator

The Narcissist’s Abuse Cycle Is Different Than the Overt Batterers

The Covert Spousal Predator’s Low Abusive Ebb

More on the Low-Ebb of Abuse

Minimizing the Damages Caused by Low-Ebb Abuses?

Spousal Predator’s Apologies for Abusive Behaviors

It is NEVER the Predator’s Fault

Conditioning the Spousal Victim to Always Ask Permission, Apologize & Explain

Auntie Sereena’s Quick-Tip One

Emotional Incest

The Covert Spousal Predator Typically Has a Superior Shopping List

The Common Traditional Facade Female Spousal Predator’s Partial Shopping List

Pre-Idealization Stage of the Relationship: Sizing up the Quality Longer-Term Victim Prey

Pre-Idealization Phase of the Relationship: Sizing Up the Shorter-Term Target

Auntie Sereena Quick-Tip Two

Different Types of Victims

The Good Long-Term Spousal Victim for the Covert Spousal Predator

The Snake-Pit Family of Origin

Warped Metacommunication Patterning of Some Abuse Victims

Codependents Are Attracted To Narcissists

A Little Morsel More on Codependents &/or Oftentimes Victims of Severe Past Abuse

Some Statements Which are Oftentimes Typical of the Ideal Long-Term Spousal Victim for the Covert Spousal Predator

The Guppy Target

The Cowbird Narcissist Bait Victim

The Weak Ahab Spousal Victim

Spousal Victims, Eureka Strange and Imposter Predators

Auntie Sereena’s Quick-Tip Three

Rant Warning: Auntie Sereena’s Quick-Tip Three BOOSTER Clarification

Foreign Bride Targets

Why Are Foreign Brides So Very Appealing to Decompensated Male Spousal Predator

The Danger Caused by Foreign Bride’s Validation of the Predator’s Delusions

The Fatally Flawed Relationship Loop

If the Spousal Victim Keeps Sweet Enough WHY Can’t the Predator Just Keep the Victim?

The Spousal Victim as a 24/7 Secret Caretaker, Peacekeeper, Mediator, Saint, Servant, Object in the Relationship

No Conscience

No Boundaries – No Shame – No Insight

No Insight into Owned Others As Real Individuals

Car Rides Are Hell

The Pursuit of Prey, Back-Burner and Devaluation Factors

Triangulation

The Duper’s Delight

Auntie Sereena’s Quick-Tip Four

Lack of Empathy – Signs of Minimization

Stalker Mentality: Stealing Small Trophies

First Things First: What to Do Now:

Some/Limited Traits & Behaviors of Stalkers

A Typical Stalker’s Motto(s) and/or Mecca/Bible List:

TIPS FOR VICTIMS

Tips for Those Wishing to Assist or Rescue a Stalking Victim:

How to Stop a Stalker Early on & with Money:

Emotional Rape Syndrome

Narcissists Contradict Themselves in Statements & Behaviors

Sex with the Covert Spousal Predator

Covert Pathological Envy/Narcissistic Envy

Jealousy & the Jealousy Catch-22

Auntie Sereena’s Quick-Tip Five

The Narcissist’s Romantic Magical Thinking/Ideal-Perfect Love Fantasy

Superficial Relationship Connection Even in Marriage

Reduction of the Victim’s Life Skills and Infantilization

Three Victim Diminishing Tactics &/or Clarifications Thereof

Absolutely No Empathy – No Consideration No Matter What

Constant Sleep Deprivation for the Spousal Victim

Creation of Chaos/Strife

Re-Writing Reality for Gaslighting, Projection & the Smear Campaign

The One-Two-Three Punch of It’s ALWAYS About the Predator, Minimizing/Invalidating the Victim and One Upmanship

Quick-Tips Recap on Universal In-Between Everything

A Terrifying Note on Abuse by Proxy

Stupid Questions the Low-Cost City/County/Charity Counseling In-Take Process Asks

Stupid Things My Narc Says

The Myth of the Co-Predator Victim (i.e. Two Predators Together) as the Norm

Auntie Sereena’s Quick-Tip Five

The Victim’s Shock & Horror: The Decompensated Covert Spousal Predator

A Sample Type Letter from a Covert Spousal Predator

An Added Set of Short Notes on Decompensated Spousal Predators

The Aged Decompensated Somatic Male Spousal Predator

The Aged Female Spousal Predator with a Child/Children

Stupid Things My Narc Says & Does

More Disgusting Behaviors of Spousal Predators

Co-Mingling Victim Identities

Which Monster is Speaking Now?

More on the Rules That Apply Do NOT Apply Both Ways

Narcissists/Sociopaths are Sadists & Sometimes Masochists To

When the Predator in the Devaluation Stage Suddenly Becomes a Saint Once Again

Make No Mistake – The Covert Predator Wants to Sink the Spousal Victim

Recap on Spy Equipment for the Innocent Spousal Victim

Additional Tips on the Use of Spy Gear for Desperate Isolated Victims with Children

What is Court Worthy Abuse?

The Yo-Yo-ing of Minor Children, Evidence Collection & Safe Evidence Copy Storage

Auntie Sereena’s Quick-Tip Six

Recap & Additional Deflection Tactics Information

Projection & Training the Victim To Settle for Garbage

Make No Mistake – The Covert Predator Wants to Sink the Spousal Victim

Minor Common Children with a Covert Spousal Predators Part One

Additional Manipulation of Minor Common Children Throughout the Nightmare

Quick Overview and Recap on Children Plus Court Battles with Covert Predators

Minor Common Children with a Covert Spousal Predators Part Two

Recap on Spy Equipment for the Innocent Spousal Victim

Additional Tips on the Use of Spy Gear for Desperate Isolated Victims with Children

Victim on Auto-Pilot

Helping the Spousal Victim with Bite Size Tasks #2

The Horror of Long-Lasting Addiction to the Spousal Predator

Auntie Sereena’s Quick-Tip Seven

How To Dupe A Spousal Predator to Buy Some Time

Recap: How to Leave a Spousal Predator When There Are No Common Minor Children

Tactics to Motivate a Narcissist to Leave You to Get Rid of the Predator

Sitting Duck Prospective Victims Who Think They’re Safe Due to Poverty

Scrappy Victim Syndrome

The Flat-Affect Victim

Additional Victim Damages, Trainwrecks and/or Destructively Patterned Behaviors

The Ways in Which Support Sources Routinely/Commonly Bury the Victim

Why Do Many Spousal Victims of the Covert Spousal Predator Stay

Recap & End-Cap: Common Bait Used on Many Long-Term Spousal Victims in the Devaluation Stage of the Relationship Prior to Severe Direct Predatory Abuses:

Counseling with the Spousal Predator

Severely Abused Victim’s Altered Rules & Reality Map

Some More Common Horrific Behavioral Consequences &/or Damages Covert Predator’s Victims May Suffer

The Predator Bait Victim

Closure – The Victim Never Gets Closure from the Predator

Breaking No Contact When Common Minor Children Do Not Exist in the Scenario

Victims Who Have Escaped a Predator Beware!

Why Others Who Have Not Been a Victim Judge Victims Negatively

One Last Time, There is NO Such Thing as Goodbye with a Predator Until…..

The Freed, Rescued or Escaped Spousal Victims Can’t Always Hit the Ground Running

Why Do Predators Sometimes Go No Contact with their Victims Checklist

Last Words on Staying On-Track in the Escape Journey for the Spousal Victim

When Victims Hoover & Cry Over Their Loss of the Predator

What Police and CPS Caseworkers Can Do For Victims in the Worst Case Scenario

But You Wouldn’t Know That

Dancing with the Devil

Trying to Start Over Impossible Imperfect and Unacceptable

Katab

Are You the Wife?

Kyra-Lee

The Story of my Abuse and Survival

Hard Facts of Truth

From Tianna with Love

A Lousy Friend, Parent, Family Member Indeed

Don’t Tell Me You’re Sorry

Prologue

Escape

Up-Front

Key Terms

Some Additional Key Terms/Re-Cap

Who & What the Predator is –

The Sociopath or Sociopath Type Abuser:

What’s a Sociopath 101

Some Noteworthy Variant Poor Picks for a Romantic Relationship and/or Marriage:

The Ideal Female Victim for A Sociopath or Sociopath Type Abuser is the Following:

The Achilles’ Tendon Factor

Strip Mining

A Domestic Sociopath’s General Ground Work Check List – Hostile Take Over:

Predators Using the System and Building a Record

How to Make it Look Like the Abuser and the Victim are Broken-Up/Separated:

The Abuser Versus the Victim

Public Record Data/Events: Which is Oftentimes Which?

Tip-Tip Some More Quick Facts About Adult Victims Affect:

Pregnancy is the Ideal Time to Strike

Buzz Words – How he Does it

Wake-Up Time

The Lengths a Sociopath Predator Will Go:

More and More Fishy Tricks:

Sick Tricks Using Children who are a Product of a Marriage or Relationship Between Sociopath/Sociopath Type Personality and an Adult Spousal Victim:

Myths About the Typical Adult Spousal Victim

Myths About the Sociopath/Sociopath Type Spousal Abuser

Myths About the Child/Children of a Sociopath Parent

Tricks and Treats

Why the Victim Does Not Report the Narcissist/Sociopath Predator:

Sometimes Court Doesn’t Work

Victims of Repeated Multi-Layered Abuse

When a Sociopath’s Scam Blows-Up

The Damien Child/Children – Another Unseen Victim

The Consequences for the Damien Child/Children

Four-Score: The Sociopath’s Shift of Behavioral Patterns in the Fatally Flawed Loop

~ Knock-Knock Once Again. ~

What Can A Prospective Victim Do and/or Look For?

Additional Signs to Look For:

What Can a Victim who is Already Trapped in a Relationship with a Sociopath Do:

More Quick Tips – Re-Cap — What to Watch For:

State by State Know the Rules

How Much is That Baby in the Window?

The Predator’s Sick Tricks Using Children who are a Product of a Marriage or Relationship Between Sociopath/Sociopath Type Personality and an Adult Spousal Victim:

The Shimmering Realm of Perception

Brush-Up

Fatally Flawed Pattern Review

~ Vital Details ~

General Relationship Red Flags

Considerations – When the Flags May Potentially Not Apply:

The Value of a General Background and/or Criminal Background Check:

Some Key Terms – Variant Recap

For the Suicidal, Desperate and Stubborn

Near Final Point Re-Cap:

What Police and Others in the System Need to Know

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~ Nightshade’s theory in simplified terms: I posit in time science will prove that specific biochemical reactions exist (i.e. are provoked) and impact pregnant female victims of covert spousal predators (i.e. narcissists, malignant narcissists, sociopath/psychopath/antisocial personality disordered spousal predators). These biochemical responses provoked in narcissistically abused pregnant victims cause developmental brain variances and/or autism in a significant number of fetuses exposed to the male predator’s particular forms of abuse. The degree of certainty in this theory increases in cases involving severe versions of narcissistic emotional abuse/sociopath stimulation seeking as well as physical abuse/abuse by proxy when applicable. The ultimate outcome ranges from children autism to offspring with a predisposition, above and beyond that which comes from genetics and patterning alone, to become predators in adulthood. Needless to say, exposure to the spousal predator in the offspring’s childhood then creates the conditioning (i.e. the detailed behavioral blueprint) for another narcissist, malignant narcissist, sociopath/psychopath spousal predator. This theory is one to be added onto the current genetic factor concerns, which have been reasonably proven via the opinions of various noteworthy experts/researchers.

~ The narcissist, malignant narcissist, sociopath/psychopath spousal predator ultimately destroys everything and everyone he/she touches up-close. No thing or person is safe from the total destruction. It is only a matter of how the damages fall and what the ruins look like in the end.

~ The typical covert spousal predator will effectively poison his/her minor children against the non-abusive parent (i.e. against the spousal victim). This process begins early in each child’s life and may start with the predatory parent reading disturbing bedtime tales to the child, such as Bipolar Bear (as noted by Daylight out of Darkness) or repeatedly telling stories about how Mommy/daddy is going to murder the child by feeding the child dangerous pills or by shooting/stabbing the child, etc. Though the stories the predator whispers to his/her children vary this process is relentless nonetheless. It’s called parental alienation. This is the predatory parent’s first step in destroying any offspring he/she has not managed to maim before birth.

~ If you have common minor children with a spousal predator and want to know what he/she will accuse you of doing to those children when the predator makes his/her move to eliminate you from their lives all you need to do is think back to whatever the predator once told you his/her allegedly abusive parent(s) did to him/her. This is what the predator will accuse you of doing to the children you produced with him/her. Now add any extra allegations the predator has used on former spousal victims to the mix. Those things too you will likely be accused of. Reality never matters in the predator’s rendition of the truth.

~ Narcissist/sociopath/psychopath spousal predators feel entitled to the best. In this vein of arrogance they choose the best quality long-term spousal victims with a boldness to pick those others would consider out of their league. At least this is true when the predator is in his/her hunting prime years. After those hunting prime years have passed, when the predator is decompensating or decompensated, it is hard to understand how he/she ever maintained that facade to get the best, but don’t be fooled, he/she did it and Pride goeth before the fall for many who refuse to understand this simple fact.

~ Reality: The Golden Child and/or Damien Child is in truth the child most likely to grow up to be an abuser/predator. The abused, trampled, disposable, discarded Scapegoat Child is oftentimes the one who develops into a people pleaser, peace keeper, caretaker, doormat, empath, abuse victim. The idea that all victims of abuse turn into abusers is a myth. Despite the continued ignorance of the masses it is posited that only one out of seven abused children (i.e. those on the brutal receiving end and/or those in the Scapegoat position) over all (i.e. measured by looking at all childhood victims of abuse, not a limited selection impacted by specific predators) actually become abusers themselves. The remainder, though they may appear to be the vulnerable symptom carriers, the ones suffering from C-PTSD, etc. are not the ones to fear.

~ Oftentimes the severely abused spousal victim is the outward symptom carrier. The victim is the one who is scrappy, snappy, hypervigilant, on-edge, sarcastic, politically incorrect, demonstrates flat affect and/or other situationally inappropriate displays of outward affect. Don’t be fooled into thinking this really means anything. The one to fear is the proverbial Wolf in sheep’s clothing and that will be the covert predator.

~ Rest assured that decompensating and decompensated spousal predators use abortion clinics as a form of easy birth control, bullying and terrorizing their typically innocent, naive, young, vulnerable victims into killing their unborn children while the predator keeps demanding sex without condoms. The reasons for this are simple with one sickening reality revolving around the stimulation factor. The predator feels less stimulation wearing a condom so he doesn’t. Needless to say this also means many predators contract and spread venereal diseases as well.

~ To those who ask a victim: Do you think he/she still loves you? The answer is that the spousal predator has zero capacity for sincere love, warm empathy, real pity, compassion, mercy, remorse or guilt no matter what the predator does or has done to the victim(s). There is no other answer. He/she never loved the victim. End of story.

~ Covert spousal predators rule their relationships via a Fatally Flawed Loop of idealization, devaluation and discarding. The devaluation stage in which the predator grossly undervalues the victim is inevitable regardless of what the victim does or does not do. The only escape from The Fatally Flawed Loop of the predator’s design is to abandon the predator before he/she discards you or decompensates, whichever comes first, unless both horrors occur at the same time. Spousal targets and victims are utterly interchangeable. You can easily be replaced by someone else, even if that someone else is low lying fruit, a Cowbird narcissist, a weak classical narcissist, a gold digger, etc. The predator never remembers who the quality victim was in the end anyway. Whatever you felt for him/her and whatever you did for him/her is forgotten in an instant within the predator’s devaluation phase.

~ If a victim wishes to enact revenge upon a predator there are only two ways to do it. First leave him/her before one is discarded. Second become highly successful on all fronts so one looks like irresistible supply to the predator once again while utterly ignoring the predator. The abuser’s hoovering will reveal one’s desirability when the time is right, which will be when the predator’s supply runs low or out. Beware however as predators recycle victims and oftentimes the worst predators or those horrifically decompensated are the ones who perpetually roll back for another crack at deceptive, callous, abusive, strip-mining exploitation.

~ To those who think searching the public record is the be all and end all to learning who is dangerous: Covert spousal predators commonly use law enforcement, county/state/city psychiatric services, the court system, the IRS, the welfare department and CPS as their personal playground. The real measure of the score is all in the patterns. The pattern of racing promptly to the authorities and/or professionals rather than working it out privately, repeated allegations regarding serious as well as bizarre offenses against numerous different drama and trauma team victims while the alleged victim waging these allegations looks oddly like he/she the winner despite such heinous abuse he/she has supposedly suffered at the hands of that list of monsters. These patterns will be basking in a thick luminous pool of the predator’s endless sense of entitlement and how he/she feels robbed or jilted despite how he/she, unless decompensated beyond the pale in time for the victim to save herself/himself, likely came out with all or most of the goods in every relationship. All the former women will be mentally unstable, insane, suicidal, lousy homemakers, homicidal and abuse children in similar ways, which are markedly similar to how the predator claims he was abused in his childhood (i.e. projective identification/projection), etc. All the women will appear in his stories as if they are basically clones. For the female predator, all the former men will be batterers, rapists and child molesters (please adjust allegations to fit). All of the men in her past will seem to be clones of each other as well. There is oftentimes shockingly little to no distinguishing difference between all those clone-like ex’s. The idea of the indelible mark is erased by how clone-like those ex’s appear in the tales as well as how well the predator is doing after such alleged trauma. This is a red flag.

~ The abuse perpetrated by covert spousal predators is a literal epidemic shattering many more lives than are appropriately recorded due to the duel reality that these predators rarely get officially diagnosed while their victims’ futures and credibility are shattered by the abuse. I posit many of those destroyed, discarded victims are some of the best and brightest amongst us…

~ The covert spousal predator oftentimes has a predatory stare, as if he/she is consuming you with his/her overpowering gaze. This alone sets off internal alarm bells in many targets. Alas the predator overcomes this by getting close fast. If he/she can wrap his/her arms around you or otherwise love bomb you the predator can put intuition to sleep. Also noteworthy is that many predators appear to have an overdeveloped sense of smell. Etc. There is more to that animal magnetism than meets the eye and it oftentimes reveals a covert spousal predator on the hunt. Please note female predators tend to fall back on sexual manipulation, wherein they can over ride a man’s mental functioning with sexual activity.

~ The predator is the king or queen of fast empty I love you(s) and superficial charm/superficial emotional connection. No matter how real it feels while the predator is in the facade with words neatly in-line with actions the predator has zero capacity for real emotional intimacy. He/she doesn’t feel it when you are close regardless of what you feel and your love is nothing but an exploitable vulnerability.

~ Everything the predator accuses you of is what he/she has done, wants to do, plans to do or will do to you. Everything the predator accuses you of is projection.

~ The decompensated spousal predator becomes gullible and his/her ability to pick out high-quality spousal victims falls apart. At this juncture the predator will lure-in a wide variety of romantic partner targets (supply) and who he/she ends up with, if anyone, is based on luck of the draw for the abuser. Most high-quality victims, unless they are extremely desperate and damaged themselves, will flee from the decompensated predator once a serious in-person relationship has been in process long enough for reality to become apparent. It usually does not take long with a decompensated predator as he/she cannot maintain the facade in up-close relationships.

~ Please know the material in this book delves directly into informal lingo, the red flags, abuses and impact of abuses on victims. This material does not linger sweetly in tales of how wonderful the covert spousal predator was in the facade regardless of its deceptively impressive duration, as the facade was never a real person to begin with. Moreover, the material herein does not wallow in the language of professional experts who have for the most part never personally been a victim of a covert spousal predator and thus many of their terms seem descriptively inappropriate. I humbly posit examples of descriptively inappropriate terms include vulnerable narcissist and grandiose narcissist to describe the covert vs the overt narcissistic predators. One only needs to experience the heinous mistreatment of the covert spousal predator to conclude that however shattered beyond repair he/she may be inside, however vulnerable he/she is to narcissistic injury, it does not matter if you are the one on the receiving end of the deceptive exploitative horrors completely unhinged from any conceivable measure of moral compass.

~ Please note no portion of this book is intended to take the place of professional legal and psychological assistance or services. It is vital that victims and support persons for victims consult with a licensed attorney when legal questions or issues exist. Victims and support persons for victims are also advised to consult with professional psychiatric service providers if psychological help is needed.

By Sereena Nightshade

Foreword

The material in this book is primarily about what I refer to as covert spousal predators who are able to create and maintain a convincing facade. The facade is what enables these abusive individuals to capture nearly any spousal victim they wish. Despite the extensive discussion of the covert spousal predator’s facade presented in this book not every narcissistic predator is ultimately able to create and maintain a highly convincing facade though many predators do. I posit the predators who do garner a convincing steadfast facade are the dangerous ones to all types of victims, including mature, emotionally functional, reasonably emotionally functional, educated, etc. victims. In addition, most predators within their facade do not in truth physically look like supermodels and/or movie stars. Plain or average, even nerdy looks, are oftentimes more effectively incorporated into a convincing facade than perfect physical appearance, particularly in male predators.

Potential victims are urged not to get hung-up on images created by movies depicting dazzling predators basking in outrageous lives of unlimited wealth as this is typically not the true image of the spousal predators this material depicts despite the obvious fact that like all others in the massive pool of humanity some predators are dashingly handsome/stunningly beautiful and impressively wealthy such as like what is shown in films. Nonetheless, the marketing of narcissistic and/or sociopath/psychopath predators as dreamy, whimsical, creative, glamorous figures sends dangerous messages to the world, making predators appear like heroes, saviors, advanced examples of humanity, useful geniuses, ultra successful, sexy desirable lovers, etc. when in reality these predators are the polar opposite of the Hollywood image, especially on the inside where it counts.

The cold fact is that narcissist (full-blown NPD) and/or sociopath/psychopath (i.e. correct term antisocial personality disordered) spousal predators only intellectually impressive realm within the world revolves around the predator’s ability to perpetrate in-home exploitation and abuse against the vulnerable victims (i.e. spousal victim &/or minor children). The typical predator’s gift to the outside world beyond the walls of his/her private house of horrors is commonly more use, exploitation, gold digging behavior, etc. Few predators become brilliant doctors who actually help people rather than using and destroying them. Few predators become scientists who discover cures for serious illnesses. Etc.

Statistically the number of predators who earn an impressive University degree at all is low due to the reality that unless these individuals are forced, pushed, pressured or otherwise cornered into school in early adulthood (age 18 into their 20’s) most predators are unable to maintain mature behaviors, motivation and focus to stick with education long enough to graduate with a noteworthy degree. Please be advised predators with impressive college degrees do exist. However, most predators fail in their scattered at best pursuit of a University degree regardless of both the high hopes/expectations and/or financial support they may experience from their parents; however, many predators permanently derail their spousal victim’s pursuit of a marketable college or University education through heinous abuses few human victims could withstand.

If the typical predator’s reality as an educational flop, a person who does not truly assist others unless they are ripe targets for callous exploitation, a horrific abuser of vulnerable victims in the home as well as the added truth that most predators are cowards and this is why they run to outsiders (i.e. authorities, social services, the court system, local psychiatric system, etc.) in order to control, ramp-up narcissistic supply for themselves and defeat their vulnerable in-home victims via abuse by proxy one can add the fact that the majority of predators make poor soldiers as well. Indeed the narcissist is, AT BEST, a warped spoiled cruel child forever trapped in an adult’s body complete with self-centered emotional irresponsibility, stimulation seeking, cliquishness (i.e. only wants to be with those in the cool kid’s club), greed, impatience, petulance, cowardice, jealousy, lack of empathy, lack of shame/remorse, no developed moral compass/no moral compass yet at all, etc. In other words the narcissist is an out of control id (Freud’s term) that never grows up and doesn’t care that he/she is this way. The narcissist in this best case scenario also has insecure emotional defense mechanisms and a rigid sense of rules that only apply to the predator when he/she says they do, which means when it is convenient for the abuser.

From this best case scenario the continuum of reality about what the predator is moves from what one could visualize set upon a straight ruler where on the far left side one has the classical narcissist all the way to what is on the far right, which is a sociopath/psychopath. In between various shades exist, including the malignant narcissist. The sociopath/psychopath spousal predator is a narcissist as well, but he/she is utterly devoid of squeamishness with the addition of numerous other negatives, including commonly various levels of sadism. Nonetheless, the majority of sociopaths/psychopaths, like the classical narcissist, do not develop into heros within even the safest comfortable places of civilized society nor do they rise up to become good soldiers.

The muted emotional capacity, particularly for warm feelings, which runs all the way through the sociopath/psychopath into the abyss-like deepest depth of the small dark nearly alien coal that is his/her inner-core (one could view it as a soul) does not actually mean the predator is brave. Most predators are cowards despite their obvious comfort level with bullying and harming vulnerable victims who can’t defend themselves from the abuse.

Readers are warned not to allow media messages or even the impulsive daredevil behaviors of many sociopaths, specifically the young ones, from creating a misled impression. Being impulsive about unprotected sex with many oftentimes deceived romantic partners, reckless driving, substance use/abuse, sports, etc. in all the scenarios where the predator has reason to believe he/she will not only survive, but come out looking like a winner are vastly different than placing oneself at risk to help another or others, being shot at to serve one’s country, dismantling bombs to protect one’s fellow soldiers, standing up potentially face to face with a burglar/rapist/stalker to rescue another person, etc.

When risk or obvious danger exists and/or is clearly perceivable to the predator he/she will rarely dive in to do the right thing. Perceivable is the key in the predator’s view of the situation as many predators will back away, turn a blind eye, run in the opposite direction even in scenarios where there is no actual danger to them yet they think there is risk. Such a predator commonly won’t bother to revisit the concept of stepping-up with genuine courage once he/she has made the initial judgment even if a victim continues to be ruthlessly harmed. Narcissists (i.e. classical narcissists) tend to share this level of perpetual cowardice.

The predator who, for example, fears needles for blood tests or vaccine injections will nonetheless have no trouble watching his/her spouse stuck with needles, including large ones for frightening procedures, such as spinal taps. The predator’s sniveling childish insecurities regardless of free-pass options to make different kinder choices, his/her ruling fear and self-protectiveness is all one way – it is there to protect the predator to an extreme while there is no meaningful urge or instinct in-tact for others. Thus in the end, despite some exceptions to the rule of comparatively rare useful sociopaths for war purposes, the typical predator is of no value to loved ones, humanity, society or to his/her fellows in the battlefield. This reigns true despite the fact that many predators flock to careers in law enforcement and/or other positions where they can bully, control, demean and destroy while cradled within a wasp’s nest of co-workers who either have no clue about what they are or don’t care. The honest image of the narcissist/sociopath/psychopath, especially the real deal beneath the facade, is not glamorous.

Please know once again: The material in this book delves directly into informal lingo, the red flags, abuses and impact of abuses on victims. This material does not linger sweetly in tales of how wonderful the covert spousal predator was in the facade regardless of its deceptively impressive duration, as the facade was never a real person to begin with. Moreover, the material herein does not wallow in the language of professional experts who have for the most part never personally been a victim of a covert spousal predator and thus many of their terms seem descriptively inappropriate. I humbly posit examples of descriptively inappropriate terms include vulnerable narcissist and grandiose narcissist to describe the covert vs the overt narcissistic predators. One only needs to experience the heinous mistreatment of the covert spousal predator to conclude that however shattered beyond repair he/she may be inside, however vulnerable he/she is to narcissistic injury, it does not matter if you are the one on the receiving end of the deceptive exploitative horrors completely unhinged from any conceivable measure of moral compass.

No portion of this book is intended to take the place of seeking professional mental health help if you are feeling overwhelmed, depressed, self-destructive or suicidal. No portion of this book is intended to encouraged victims in general or victims with minor children to not call the police if abuse in the home becomes life threatening to yourself and/or your minor child/children. When abuse in the home does become life threatening it is absolutely necessary to contact the police through the emergency police phone number (i.e. 911 in the USA).

By Sereena Nightshade

Prologue to Pre-Book

Welcome to the journey of learning about spousal predators. Please know that predators of the types discussed in this material that are not specifically spousal predators function in the same manner as spousal predators, the thinking patterns/behavioral patterns are the same. The original version of A Victim’s Guide to Surviving the Narcissist/Sociopath was a rushed compilation (i.e. collection) of material designed to assist a male family member in his blind journey with a narcissistic spousal predator or what I have come to informally refer to as a Fem-Predator. In the end he chose oblivion and continued subservience to enlightenment for himself and his child/children. At the time of that book’s original creation and rushed publication I truly had no idea that so many victims unlike my family were indeed interested in learning about spousal predators (i.e. narcissists, malignant narcissists, sociopath/psychopath/antisocial personality disordered spousal predators). Thus the original rough draft version was created in what is referred to as Advantage Book format, a costly version to purchase in the preferred hard copy form for those who are serious about learning of the reality of these predators. Drift was the second book of this type.

In Drift I updated A Victim’s Guide to Surviving the Narcissist/Sociopath still not comprehending the existence of a vast audience truly ready to heed the material. In Drift the second half, entitled A Victim’s Guide to Surviving the Narcissist/Sociopath reads like a callous How-To manual for spousal predators. There was some sarcasm in its creation as I envisioned a willfully clueless world unwilling to grasp the reality of what these predators do or how they do it. Rest assured the contents of this book do not reveal anything to the predators that they do not already know how to do. These predators have been abusing their victims in-person and by proxy (i.e. manipulating others to abuse their victims) since the beginning of time. Thus there is no dirty trick one could insert into a book that these predators are not already keenly aware of and perpetrating in real-life repetitive scenarios against their innocent or relatively innocent spousal victims.

Now it has come to the creation of this book: The second half of Drift will be included herein and this Pre-book will be added for the benefit of many victims as well as in some rare cases support persons for those victims who want to know the truth about what these predators do, why they do it, the inner-workings of their minds and agendas that make them what they are. When I refer to sociopath/psychopath spousal predators the dash functions as an or and these terms are limited to the description of those who are spousal predators, not those that are in prison, when guilty, for horrific blatantly illegal acts, who are oftentimes not the ones with the maintained socially acceptable facades. In addition, the primary distinction in the realm of sociopath/psychopath spousal predators is their lack of squeamishness, capacity to commit heinous acts of direct abuse and/or abuse by proxy, opportunity to abuse in such ways and whether or not such predators do cross the violence line due to victim vulnerability opportunity. I highly recommend victims also read material by Sam Vaknin, Thomas Sheridan, Donna Anderson as well as others who are currently striving to educate the masses on the topic of narcissists, malignant narcissists, sociopath/psychopath spousal predators and/or such predators in general as you may run into them in circumstances outside of the spousal relationship.

Valuable from the heart material from other victims who volunteered their poignant essays and letters are located at the end of this pre-book.

~ Please note: Realistically self-aware narcissists/sociopaths do exist as well as individuals of this type who do not abusively exploit others in ways that severely harm and destroy their targets (prey who is not entirely reduced to victim status), yet such individuals are exceptionally rare and this book is not about such deviant examples of narcissists/sociopaths.

Sereena Nightshade

Prelude to Hell

~ The Covert Predator’s Hunting Prime, Public Ignorance & Subpar Suitors Afterward. ~

This material is primarily about what I refer to as the COVERT spousal predator. The covert spousal predator is a narcissist, malignant narcissist, sociopath/psychopath (antisocial personality disordered) spousal predator. He/she is not the stereotypical overt abuser though overt abusers use many similar and/or the same mental/emotional abuse tactics directly against their victims to condition those victims to tolerate an ever increasing amount of abuse over time. I posit the primary relevant differences between the overt and covert spousal predator is the reality that the covert spousal predator functions in a facade which he/she uses both to lure the spousal victim in and to deceive outsiders (i.e. those not living inside of the predator’s home long-term) until the end of time. Through deceiving outsiders (i.e. running an effective long-term ever increasing smear campaign against the spousal victim) the predator alters the power structure within his/her marital relationship (i.e. any long-term spousal type relationship) while the predator shucks-off any and all external inhibitors (i.e. brakes via social controls) for his/her increasing abusive behaviors. The covert spousal predator thus ensures he/she can abuse and get away with it due to the support of his/her Flying Monkeys and enablers (i.e. outsiders who will validate the predator as he/she abuses and/or abuse the victim on the predator’s behalf).

The typical covert spousal predator moves through repeated cycles in his/her life. One such cycle consists of rising, soaring in fact, as a winner and decompensating only to recover, soaring and decompensating again in comparatively short spurts. This cycle is one of the many the covert predator commonly repeats. In decompensating the predator in essence spirals out of control, unraveling mentally/emotionally, demonstrating erratic impulsive abusive behaviors against vulnerable others despite how he/she is a winner in most to all things. When the predator decompensates he/she is likely to lose relationships, youthful marriages, businesses, careers, etc. However, the predator recovers in his/her younger years to become a winner again as if the past loss of narcissistic supply/sociopath stimulation never occurred.

The abuser’s decompensation is not because the predator is a victim of severe abuse, which impacts the abuser before each decompensating pattern, though he/she will typically play the role of false victim. The predator’s unraveling cycle is in truth not reactive or not due to PTSD or C-PTSD, as is the case with the victim’s appearance of decompensated reactions/behaviors and/or actual decompensated behaviors, in response to extreme abuses suffered. This distinction is important for anyone seeking to evaluate erratic, emotionally strained or explosive behaviors, tracing them and the potential for repeated patterns regardless of life circumstances, stability, nurturance, love, etc. The predator will not become what he/she is not (i.e. a non-predator) because his/her world is held, cradled, coddled and/or cared for until he/she recovers. The predator is NOT a broken fixable person. The victim, on the other hand, is a fixable person who has the capacity to respond with steadfast positive results to care, nurturance and/or other reality based forms of assistance.

However, despite the definite patterns of behavior which are the norm for covert spousal predators, the tell tale abuse patterns traceable to victim after victim and the world/life-ending damages these abusers create for their innocent victims (i.e. both spousal victims and children in the home) the majority of people cannot begin to comprehend the difference between an overt and a covert spousal predator. There are many obvious reasons why outsiders cannot understand this vast difference. Some of those reasons are listed in various segments of this book. Other reasons exist yet the topic of the covert spousal predator in general is a massively daunting one with too much vital data for a mere victim, even a highly educated one, to wrangle into any book. Nonetheless two clear reasons why the story of the covert spousal predator is so difficult to tell with adequate clarity for the masses include the following: First most victims don’t talk about the abuse until after their predator’s facade has come off completely.

At this point the victim’s honest reports of the abuse in the relationship are so off the wall and extreme most outsiders who have not been abused are unable to believe the truthful victim while others stubbornly posit it is/was ALL the victim’s fault for being foolish enough (i.e. stupid enough) to get into a marital relationship with such an obvious abuser. In other words, the misconception is that the covert predator is/was an overt predator from the get-go – the idea is that the covert predator showed the spousal victim looming flashing red flags right from the beginning or soon after because No one could hide this level of abusive behavior, no one is that good of an actor or actress. In addition, victims of covert spousal predators focus on the predator’s abusive conduct completely or nearly completely in their testimony as well because the victims have come to fathom the reality that all the abuser’s other behavior was nothing but a facade. Moreover, for the shattered spousal victim the loss of the person who was a facade is akin to coping with a death of someone beloved. It is too painful to talk about when it can reveal nothing but a man or woman who never existed outside of an act created to exploit the victim. The lack of testimony about who the predator was in his/her facade may further lead those who have no clue to conclude that the reported abuses were the mainstay of the relationship from the beginning though this is not what happened.

Here is the prelude to Hell reality in a quick nutshell: The covert spousal predator typically has a time frame when he/she is in his/her prime hunting years. The concept of predatory prime hunting years is my own person wording to explain this hard cold unforgiving fact, which destroys the lives of so many amazing, intelligent, talented, dynamic victims. For the majority of spousal predators the prime hunting years come into play right in that time frame after his/her younger years yet before his/her advanced middle age. Thus the covert predator in his/her younger years, such as in his/her 20’s tends to undergo numerous winning (impressive life accomplishments or advances beyond typical of his/her age) and then decompensating cycles where most or all of what the abuser has accomplished falls apart/implodes or explodes.

By the time the covert predator is in his/her 30’s the predator has hit his/her stride, so to speak, and the rapid decompensation cycles stop. The abuser in his/her prime hunting years is brilliant in his/her facade. This convincing steady words in-line with actions facade is what enables the predator to lure-in high-quality longer-term or long-term spousal victims, create a family with the spousal victim, produce children with the victim, move into the position of stepparent to the victim’s children from a previous marital relationship when applicable, build an entire life with the spousal victim, excel in his/her (in the predator’s) job or career, climb the social ladder in his/her pathological space, etc. The pathological space in the predator’s world (i.e. home, neighborhood, family relationships, career, etc.) becomes that area the predator will rule over via exploitative deception and abuses.

When the predator reaches his/her middle age or advanced middle age the abuser suffers a narcissistic injury which he/she can never recover from. This is where the final decompensation pattern occurs. At this juncture the predator’s abuses of the spousal victim and/or minor children in the home spiral out of control and the victims thus experience increasingly severe abuses. The abuses will include horrific acts the spousal victim never had reason to suspect the predator would be capable of prior to this moment. Tragically it is only at this point that the spousal victim finally gets some clear clues about the reality she/he is in with this relationship or marital "relationship. Needless to say, the long-term spousal victim has molded her/his entire life around the predator, the family with the predator, created children with the predator, etc. Indeed there were subtle red flags prior to this point, there were low ebb abuses, yet the spousal victim made the mistake of believing the person that was nothing but a facade (i.e. the predator) was a real person rather than just a callous purposeful exploitative mask.

The spousal victim has also made the mistake in the relationship of believing the predator was like the victim (i.e. same values, morals, agenda, etc.). When the predator suffers this midlife crisis narcissistic injury the predator’s decompensation may be gradual with slowly increasing abuses or sudden and severe. In either case once the facade is gone or once that mask is torn off the spousal victim is faced with a spouse who is the literal polar opposite of whoever he/she was in the facade. Again at this point abuses occur that the victim never would have thought possible with this person. To make matters far worse, by the time the victim receives enlightenment through the abuser’s new actions, the spousal predator has run his/her smear campaign against the spousal victim for many years before the predator’s mask came off completely and thus the victim is left with nowhere to turn for support, validation or reality based assistance of any kind.

Oftentimes the predator demonstrates that moment when his/her mask is torn off via a heinous entirely unexpected act of abuse by proxy (i.e. severe life-changing or life-ending medical abuse, false arrest of the victim, psychiatric abuse, legal or illegal victim abduction, which can include physical abuse and/or sexual assaults, etc.). Prior to a life altering abusive event many victims actually move about their lives, their day to day routines, as if their marital relationship with the predator was stable right up to the moment severe abuse by proxy or another shocking incident occurs because the predator maintained his/her facade completely or well-enough right up until that very moment. After that moment the predator commonly shucks the gloves off and the abuses he/she will perpetrate are limited only by his/her own personal wants and level of squeamishness. The closer to being a sociopath/psychopath the predator is the less squeamish he/she is in the abuse committed directly or via abuse by proxy. The bottom line is that the victim whose predator suddenly shreds off the facade receives little to no warning in advance.

The covert spousal predator in his/her hunting prime does not have the apparent low-impulse behaviors of Just take the plunge and do it that the overt spousal predator commonly seems to have. The covert spousal predator’s very way of life and agenda demand he/she is well able to create a convincing facade, mirror his/her victims (i.e. targets in all areas of life) to look like he/she is just like them, maintain the convincing facade over a prolonged period of time until the predator has manipulated, used, exploited, gold dug and strip-mined everything he/she wanted out of the spousal victim, in particular, as well as created a smear campaign and/or additional/variant public record destroying campaign against the spousal victim in order to get away with it all (i.e. the deceptive exploitation and abuses) with a successful take-ALL agenda at the end.

The covert spousal predator thus simply does not clearly reveal what he/she is until that end arrives. That end will arrive once the predator is satisfied that he/she has obtained everything he/she wanted or until the predator decompensates. The revelation for the victim will not arrive until that time. Thus victims who are not specifically educated in the subtle abuses and subtle red flags tend to remain deceived until it is too late to escape the relationship in-tact and/or with what would be remotely considered fair by any stretch of the imagination. Nonetheless, when the covert predator is finished with the victim or decompensates, whichever occurs first unless both happen at the same time, the victim may experience all the abuses typical of the covert predator as well as physical abuses typical of the overt predator at the moment in personal history when that victim has already lost everything and/or everyone of value and has nowhere to turn for reality based assistance.

It is also relevant to note that as the covert spousal predator’s abuses worsen and/or when he/she shreds off that facade the spousal victim will feel (i.e. clarification on an emotional level) like she/he has lost her/his spouse to a body snatcher, alien, demonic possession even if the victim does not believe such movie worthy horrors are possible. The predator’s total change of personality and behavior will be that shocking as well as that all-encompassing. Many spousal victims become clingy, needy, suffer severe situational depression/anxiety, display obvious symptoms of C-PTSD or PTSD, etc. The needy, clingy, weeping, etc. victim who whines for, begs for and/or demands comfort or emotional intimacy from the predator enters into a vicious cycle of more heinous abuses as the narcissist, malignant narcissist, sociopath/psychopath spousal predator is incapable of emotional intimacy. The predator is a genius at superficial charm/superficial relationships, yet the spousal victim’s needy clingy displays are akin to unrelenting razor sharp nails on a chalkboard to the predator who has no sincere love, warm empathy, shame, remorse, guilt for his/her abusive actions against the victim, etc. The victim’s hurt emotional state further repels and agitates the abuser, gives him/her additional material to work into his/her smear campaign against the victim positing the victim is mentally unstable/mentally ill as the victim’s behaviors, described grossly out of context to the predator’s abuses, indicate to outsiders, etc. Moreover, the victim’s heartbroken, shocked, needy reality provides the predator with endless opportunities to tap into narcissistic supply/sociopath stimulation by increasing and varying the abuses against the victim in order to provoke additional hurt reactions from the victim.

In the end this all brings out the worst in the abuser while it shatters what little is likely remaining of his/her isolated spousal victim who has nowhere else to turn. Round and round it goes and where it stops – once the predator has placed the relationship far enough into inevitable devaluation or once the predator has decompensated it never stops until the victim either manages to flee (usually with nothing as many predators take all) or until the victim is destroyed beyond all recognition. Minor children trapped in the scenario will also be destroyed by the predator as his/her Happy-Land Dad/Happy-Land Mom facade unravels over time as well…. Victims of covert spousal predators receive little to no warning. This is why education, preferably in advance, is vital.

Please note that once a spousal victim has been horrifically abused by one spousal predator that victim is likely to be impacted by what I refer to as an indelible mark. This is a mark of sorts on the victim will consistently attract additional covert predators, oftentimes more sophisticated ones, as the victim moves through life, while it will also repel non-predators. This persists despite the reality that many victims remain excellent spousal relationship prospects, albeit usually not quick or easy prospects, even after the abuse they have suffered. The reality that the narcissist, malignant narcissist, sociopath/psychopath spousal predator feels entitled to have only the BEST and in his/her prime hunting years he/she had/has options to choose only the best, thus the longer-term/long-term victim, including the exploited and/or discarded victim, is probably of lasting quality does not factor in when the victim finally re-enters the dating world (when applicable) to be compared or measured against hoards of others the covert predator in his/her prime hunting years wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole for good reason (i.e. they are what I refer to as low lying fruit, sheople, classical narcissists, Cowbird narcissists, gold diggers, manipulative people, etc.).

In the final years many victims who were ensnared by a covert spousal predator in his/her prime hunting years find themselves severely damaged though of recoverable unseen value yet seemingly no longer marketable, etc. Though I posit victims are wise to learn new skills and to become comfortable with a solo existence I acknowledge the tragedy of how this can end up to be all there is for reasons which are not anywhere within the norm of fair or humane life choices, etc. Sadly too many former victims, even those well recovered in their lives after abuse, find they are pursued by what I refer to as hoards of new covert spousal predators, some overt spousal predators and subpar suitors (users, losers, callous leaches/freeloaders, substance abusers, sex obsessed relationship jaded men/women, severely emotionally dysfunctional, weak narcissists, etc.). The overt predators and the subpar suitors lend an undue appearance of credibility to the sophisticated covert spousal predators, making them look better in their facades as time passes.

Former victims, in regards to what they are able to control in their future lives, need to be aware of the specific damages predatory abuse created for them specifically, including the indelible mark. Victims must also become tuned into how they have been conditioned to lower their standards, accept less than fair treatment, suffer self-esteem issues, hop too easily on the perpetual hamster wheels of exploitative relationship patterns (i.e. such as the silent treatment, the ever diminishing state of returns, the forgive and forget cycle, the wait till my ship comes in ploy, etc.), struggle with exploitable C-PTSD problems, suffer from codependence, are lost in emotional hollowness and/or neediness, exhibit vulnerability factors due to abuse linked physical/medical damages, fail to self-champion (i.e. fail to stand up for their own fair wants or even needs), etc.

Please note that while former victims may face difficulties in erasing or modifying the indelible mark there is a lot this population can do to discern the subtle red flags of future covert predators and alter behaviors which permit future abusers, particularly subpar suitors who are far more transparent than covert spousal predators in their hunting prime, to claim additional weeks, months, years or decades of victims’ lives. Counseling for victims is advisable though finding a therapist who can view the victim’s reality and assist within that reality is a challenge. Many victims are unable to find a suitable therapist or they can not afford professional assistance after their predator’s take-ALL agenda has shredded them and left them for dead as covert spousal predators do for more than one specific reason. One final daunting point: Victims who do seek professional help via counseling are advised to be wary of psychiatric abuse and their vulnerability to such mistreatment.

The harsh fact is that victims of covert spousal predators have suffered forms of maltreatment the average counselor is entirely ignorant of. Thus mere honestly in a therapist’s office can lead to misdiagnoses of the victim, re-victimization of the victim and additional abuse. Therefore when or if seeking help victims are advised to screen therapist qualifications carefully as well as test both the comprehension level and trustworthiness of the therapist gradually over time before divulging too many delicate details of one’s abuse story.

By Sereena Nightshade

~ Please review material by Dr. Jeannie King PhD.

~ Secondary note: Despite the extensive discussion of the covert spousal predator’s facade presented in this book not every narcissistic predator is ultimately able to create and maintain a highly convincing facade though many predators do. I posit the predators who do garner a convincing steadfast facade are the dangerous ones to all types of victims, including mature, emotionally functional, reasonably emotionally functional, educated, etc. victims. In addition, most predators within their facade do not actually physically look like supermodels and/or movie stars. Plain or average, even nerdy looks, are actually oftentimes more effectively incorporated into a convincing facade than perfect physical appearance, particularly in many male predators. Potential victims are urged not to get hung-up on images created by movies depicting dazzling predators basking in outrageous lives of unlimited wealth as this is typically not the true image of the spousal predators this material depicts despite the obvious fact that like all others in the massive pool of humanity some predators are dashingly handsome/stunningly beautiful and impressively wealthy like what is shown in films.

Quick Run-Down Recap Clarification – Low Ebb Abuses Versus Severe Abuses

~ Below is an informal list of examples of low ebb & severe abuses of covert predators. ~