False Identity Volume 2 The Mental Hell Of The Narcissist

By Malia Kōnane

One of the lessons I have learned in my interaction with the narcissist is that the truth they sell to us—everything they say—is false, or it has a double bottom, that is, a hidden objective. Nothing is what it seems to be with the pathological narcissist.

 

Getting out of this mirage is not easy since the emotional predator knows well how to keep his cards and only shows those he considers useful to fulfill his objectives.

 

There were times when I was obsessed with discovering what was behind a narcissist's manipulative work to prevent their attacks and predict their actions. Then, I realized that I had plunged into the pool of the abuser to play their own game, in which only they enjoy competing with the victim and wins. I realized the stress it was causing me, hurting me, and that what it was doing was keeping the predator's interest in me.

 

Regardless of the manipulative strategies the narcissist employs, their agenda is always the same: to steal energy, get as much negative fuel as possible, create extreme sadness, and destroy dignity and self-esteem. There are many ways that the scorpion can do it; the goal is the same in all cases.

 

When you are done reading this book, you will have gained a lifetime of experience in just a few short hours. The stories are interesting to follow, and the challenging concepts have been made easy to understand. So get ready to broaden your horizons and adjust your expectations because you are in for one hell of a ride!

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Editorial Atelerix Creative Quill
• Release date: Apr 30, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201451356

Malia Kōnane

Malia Kōnane is a 40-year-old admin assistant who enjoys meditation, playing card games, and drinking coffee. She is energetic and gentle but can also be very rude and a bit violent. She is addicted to coffee, which her friend Sally Mason Mason pointed out when she was 18. The problem intensified in 2001. Malia has lost three jobs due to her addiction, specifically: IT technician, local activist, and clerk. She is an American who defines herself as bisexual. She has a degree in business studies. She grew up in a middle-class neighborhood. Having never really known her parents, she was raised in a series of foster homes. She is currently in a relationship with Mica May Watson. Mica is 3 years older than her and works as a screenplay writer. Malia has one child with her girlfriend, Mica: James, aged 4. Malia's best friend is an admin assistant called Sally Mason. They are inseparable. She also hangs around with Abi O'Connor and Jayden Hill. They enjoy extreme ironing together.

Book preview

FALSE IDENTITY Volume 2

The Mental Hell of the Narcissist

WITH THE NARCISSIST... NOTHING IS TRUE!

«Success requires fleeing from the emotional vampires that steal your energy and seek to cover up their miseries.»

Whimpper Narvaez Salas

One of the lessons I have learned in my interaction with the narcissist is that the truth they sell to us—everything they say—is false, or it has a double bottom, that is, a hidden objective. Nothing is what it seems to be with the pathological narcissist.

Getting out of this mirage is not easy since the emotional predator knows well how to keep his cards and only shows those he considers useful to fulfill his objectives.

There were times when I was obsessed with discovering what was behind a narcissist's manipulative work to prevent their attacks and predict their actions. Then, I realized that I had plunged into the pool of the abuser to play their own game, in which only they enjoy competing with the victim and wins. I realized the stress it was causing me, hurting me, and that what it was doing was keeping the predator's interest in me.

Regardless of the manipulative strategies the narcissist employs, their agenda is always the same: to steal energy, get as much negative fuel as possible, create extreme sadness, and destroy dignity and self-esteem. There are many ways that the scorpion can do it; the goal is the same in all cases.

The narcissist's plan worked for me for a while until I realized that the ability to deceive and hurt me lay at the root of his manipulations. My perception of the abuser was transformed when I stopped believing his falsehoods. After many lies were discovered and collapsed, I was finally convinced that absolutely everything that came out of his mouth was a farce. Thus I began my liberation and proclaimed my independence. This is the starting point that must be reached to get out of narcissistic abuse and become empowered.

Remember: any representation of interpersonal manipulation is violence and violates our dignity as people and constitutes, in itself, abuse. This is important to keep in mind because, on many occasions, we forgive, let it go, or accept the manipulation they carry out against us, believing that it is normal and that, as long as it is not direct aggression, it is not violence. However, we are wrong about this, and we must be strong, remain vigilant, and condemn the manipulation, giving it the name and surname it deserves: VIOLENCE.

Do you know the arsenal of the narcissist?

THE NARCISSIST IS ALWAYS on the warpath. The trophy he seeks is the precious fuel he gets from his victim that makes him feel good. To achieve this, it deploys its wide arsenal of covert manipulation tactics.

Emotionally disconnect from the narcissist

IN THE SITUATION THAT I just described, I knew that if I wanted to defeat the narcissist and learn to defend myself from his psychological games, I had to achieve emotional disconnection and, although I did not always achieve this cooling of my emotions, having him in mind as a goal It helped me considerably to walk in that direction.

Observe, but do not absorb

AN AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGIST, Ross Rosenberg, author of the book The Human Magnet Syndrome, proposes the following formula as a method of protection in our interaction with the narcissist: Observe, but do not absorb. That phrase synthesizes the attitude that I proposed to assume in my relationships with the narcissistic person until Zero Contact arrived.

This protection strategy is also known as the Gray Stone method, which consists of refraining from any emotional reaction that could serve the food handler.

We know that in all their interactions, the central goal of narcissists is to extract fuel from their victims. If we stop feeding it, it will get bored and go elsewhere to find the drug it needs to live.

I have to admit that this is easier to explain than to put into practice. At first, it was very difficult for me to be emotionally neutral with the narcissist, basically for these five reasons:

1. Not showing my emotions is contrary to my way of being. By nature, I am quite expressive about my emotions in my relationships with others, which is my character, so this method required me to control what is natural and spontaneous.

2. In my interaction with the narcissist, I was conditioned to serve as psychological and emotional support. Today I understand that that behavior planted in my psyche was part of the abuse. To stop reacting emotionally meant breaking the automatism of my responses and the dynamics of the relationship that I had had with the predator until then.

3. The narcissist knew my vulnerable points and used them to provoke some emotional reaction in me. He knew very well what topics to address to arouse my interest, make me feel important, and disqualify and hurt me. He almost always did it covertly, using my weaknesses against me in subtle ways.

4. The smallest contact with the narcissist activated the potent mix of emotional attachment and naive optimism in me. That kind of addiction betrayed me and pushed me to act to seek his approval and return to our golden period.

My head told me that it was all a lie, that I shouldn't give it fuel, but then I did just the opposite. When I succumbed to this—and it happened countless times—I would spend several days discouraged, trying to find a solution that would free me from my paradoxical behavior.

5. As I became aware of the abuse I had suffered and its serious consequences, very intense and negative emotions directed at the narcissist arose in me, such as rage, anger, and sadness.

It is not easy to assume that we are in a toxic relationship with a narcissist. Nor is it easy to practice the advice they give us or know which ones to listen to since few can see through the narcissist's mask. In the next part, I will talk about the tips that you should not follow.

ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING AND CIRCLE THE WORD AT THE END:

Learning is always a gift, even when pain is the teacher.

Buddha

founder of Buddhism

WRONG ADVICE ON THE NARCISSISTIC RELATIONSHIP

You've probably heard what well-intentioned people suggest, even those who care about you, like friends and family. However, the truth is that they are unaware of the reality of narcissistic abuse, as they do not know about it. Consequently, they are not fit to give you advice; they often encourage the traumatic bond to be reinforced without being aware of it. Do not forget that only you fully experience the abusive regimen of the toxic relationship with the perverse narcissist and that you are trapped, being all blinded by the great deception perpetuated by the predator.

This advice can come to you even from marriage counselors, mediators, or therapists, sounding logical and sound from their external point of view. Professionals can also make mistakes if they do not make an effort to go to the bottom of the matter and understand the characteristics of the narcissistic profile, the reality and dynamics of abuse, and its consequences. In these scenarios, knowledge, and experience play a fundamental role since this supposed help can also be influenced by the false image projected by the narcissist.

Due to the above, it is necessary to be alert and not follow the first advice given to us immediately, regardless of its origin. We must learn which advice to listen to and which not.

Next, I will talk about some of the most commonly misunderstood:

The first piece of wrong advice: You should give the narcissist a chance.

Counselors tell you that people change and that they can change. And it's true. They are right. People change, but only if they are worth it can you consider giving them a second chance.

The problem with this advice is that the abuser manipulates it into a trap. If the person being forgiven turns out to be a perverse narcissist, then rest assured, they will not change. They won't because that's the pattern of their disorder: a