Narcissistically Speaking: Helping Christian Women who are so over Narcissistically Abusive Men Identify them

By Wendy Collier

He appeared to be your "Soul Mate," but actually came to destroy your soul

It doesn't appear to be abuse-no bruises or sexual violations-but you are somehow drowning in despair. From initially placing you on a pedestal to the grand finale of throwing you away like trash, the "Narcissist" uses hidden techniques to cripple you mentally and e

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Jan 19, 2022
• ISBN: 9781647739423

Book preview

Acknowledgments

To my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, simply put—You are life! I am forever grateful for Your love, Your faithfulness, and Your protection. You never left me, nor did You forsake me. I thank You for protecting me while in the trenches of narcissistic abuse. Every time that I lost my way and even my identity in the gruesome grip of narcissistic abuse, You were there to restore me with Your love and with the truth of Your Word. I thank You! It took me a while to get it but now I understand the depth and the importance of bringing forth awareness.

Prophetess Hermion, you have truly been the wind beneath my wings. God sent you into my life at the perfect time. Your instructions, firm convictions, and even your rebuke have most definitely helped me along the way. You are more than a Pastor to me; you are a sister and a friend. You have rolled up your sleeves and gotten into the muck and miry clay of my personal circumstances with the sword of the Spirit in hand fighting the good fight of faith day and night on my behalf. Only you, I, and the Lord will truly know the depth of your commitment to delivering me out of darkness and into His marvelous light. I love you, and I am forever grateful for all that you have done for me and my loved ones and for your thunderous and powerful prayers.

Behind the Mask

I was writing this book at a time when the entire world was affected by the Pandemic of Covid-19. Many businesses were affected and shutdown, homes were lost, families were evicted, and countless people lost their lives as the plague continued to ravage the land.

There were many opinions about the origin of the virus or if God Himself was attempting to get the attention of His people. Although the answer to where the virus originated may never truly be made known, I do know that God had the power to completely stop it if He chose to do so.

Could this have been a wake-up call to get our lives together and turn from all wickedness before the return of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? Regardless of what end of the spectrum you found your beliefs on the entire world was required to mask up in a nationwide effort to prevent the infectious virus from spreading.

Unbeknownst to many, at the same time the world was fighting the pandemic of Covid-19, there was a silent pandemic that was less talked about. This silent pandemic had been creeping its way into the homes of countless unsuspecting women (and men) for years, wreaking-havoc in their lives, causing lowered self-esteem, depression, panic attacks, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, feelings of worthlessness, and a complete loss of one’s own sense of self just to name a few.

I am referring to the pandemic of narcissistic abuse that is ravaging worldwide, ruining lives and remaining unidentified due to the mask worn by a narcissist. It is a mask of pretentious love, caring and affection luring its victims in at record breaking numbers, unleashing shear devastation upon the hearts, minds, and souls of women who never even saw it coming and who remained too embarrassed to reveal that it did. This book is for you.

Introduction

What I find to be so alarming about encountering narcissistic abuse is that unlike physical abuse the evidence seems to disappear into thin air. A narcissist intentionally destroys your self-esteem, completely distorts your self-perception and disconnects you from your own sense of reality and truth. After carrying out their plan of destruction, they are simply free to walk away leaving you for dead emotionally, mentally, and spiritually without any evidence tying them to the psychological crime. While taking no responsibility for their actions, a narcissist then launches a smear campaign against you by spreading lies, destroying your reputation, and blaming you for it all.

The tornadic whirlwind of confusion and chaos that invades your life by way of falling for or entering into a relationship with a narcissist can turn your life completely upside down without you even knowing that they are behind the scenes orchestrating it all. Narcissists are instinctively programmed to tear down and destroy anyone in their path, especially those of whom they target and despise. Their ability to do so while portraying the illusion of being a loving and caring individual is deeply horrifying to say the least.

Many women find themselves embarrassed and ashamed after realizing that they were in a relationship with a narcissist and completely unaware that what they experienced was actually abuse. It is important to know that what you experienced was not your fault. You simply fell prey to an emotional con-artist, and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of on your behalf. Now that you are taking the time to learn and gain a greater understanding of the hidden dynamics behind narcissistic abuse, you will be better equipped to protect yourself by identifying when you are being targeted by a narcissist.

For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.

Proverbs 2:10

Chapter One

Revelation

Like a possum in the middle of Route 95 during rush hour—it hit me. I was looking the age of fifty years old in the face, and the revelation of being in yet another narcissistic relationship was mocking my life and my future. I was tired of being deceived, and, to be frank, I was disgusted by the outright trickery showing up in my life again and again. A different face, but I was continually dating the same man.

How could I have been deceived again?

This was the final straw! I vowed never to find myself in this compromising position again. Whatever it would take to learn on a more in-depth level about the hidden techniques, I was willing to do, and I was one hundred percent committed.

In time, I was able to connect the dots between their behavior and the intended desire of their actions. I noticed there was a hidden motive behind everything they did, and nothing was genuine about them.

I saw how they meticulously hid their careless acts within the fabric of common everyday interactions making it extremely hard to detect.

It was obvious to me that I was not the only woman experiencing this and that I had to step up, to sound the alarm to help put an end to this vicious cycle of trickery and deception not only in my life but in the lives of countless others.

I realized that until there is a thorough understanding of the systematic manner in which they operate, as well as the smokescreens that are used, women stand the risk of becoming entangled again and again, derailing their destinies by unknowingly wasting countless years of their lives.

Unfortunately, I wasted an upwards of 30 years of my life either being in or healing from the effects of this type of relationship. This is why I am writing this book: so that you don’t have to do the same.

I hope that you walk away with a much greater understanding of the psychological warfare used behind the scenes by narcissistic men who prey on unsuspecting women. If that knowledge, when applied, prevents you from being manipulated into or from staying in a toxic relationship, my goal has been accomplished.

Having grown up under the control of this type of abuse, my entire life has been affected by it. I emerge from up under the rubble of narcissistic abuse with the hidden secrets of their covert (or overt) operations to give you a clear view of what you have been unknowingly dealing with, so that you can put an end to the manipulation and regain control over your life.

Blackwood, New Jersey

I repeatedly researched by going online and typing in keywords that described what I had experienced. The treatment was emotionally crippling, and I was trying to connect the dots as to how the relationship I was in left me feeling like my entire soul was gutted. Literally, I felt like a shell with the essence of my being hollowed out. The woman that I once was had vanished into thin air, and I was now left with the tumultuous task of carrying on with life as if it never happened. What frustrated me the most was the fact that there was no evidence of what felt like an emotional rape, which left me holding the bag of sheer devastation.

I continued researching the cruel behavior, the callous and robotic lack of concern, and even the constant belittlement. Surprisingly, my research came back with a disorder in which the characteristics and behaviors identically lined up. I found countless others telling their stories that mirrored mine so closely that it was scary. How could our stories all have such similarities? As I continued to read, the mistreatment that left no visible evidence behind began to take on the form of what was being called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, there lies a fragile self-esteem that is vulnerable to even the slightest criticism.

Signs and Symptoms of NPD:

A grandiose sense of self-importance

A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions

A need for excessive admiration

A sense of entitlement

Interpersonally exploitive behavior

A lack of empathy

Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them

A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

The Spirit in Operation

Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching, she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. So, I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely unless they repent of her ways.

Revelation 2:20

The Jezebel Spirit

If you have had the unfortunate challenge of dating several narcissists, you will find extreme similarities between the experiences of each relationship. Their actions unfold in a very systematic manner as if to somehow be scripted. From the charming way they enter into your life to the despicable manner in which they exit, leaving you muddled with their issues projected onto you.

Whether you are in Philadelphia, Los Angeles, or in the heart of the Dirty South, the narcissistic experience unfolds identically each and every time. The reason for this systematic behavior is the spirit that is in operation.