Grounded in the Truth of You: Unraveling the Narcissist and Moving From Victimhood to Empowerment After Narcissistic Abuse

By Rayne Feron

Grounded in the Truth of You presents the core principles of narcissistic personality disorder and offers practical yet profound guidance out of the suffering and negative conditioning in the wake of narcissistic abuse. Not only does it unravel narcissism from a deeper perspective, it delves into waking up to the truth of our being and coming into wholeness which is essential in the process of true recovery and transforming powerlessness into empowered agency.

With directness and incisiveness, this book invites you on an exploration of consciousness that unveils and engages the irreducible, steadfast dimension of You, leading you to discovering intrinsic capacities, autonomy and meaningful orientation. The author will equip you with the awareness necessary in the path of liberation, rising from the ashes of victimization and aligning with your true expression.

Contents Include:

• Comprehensive presentation of narcissistic personality disorder
• Ending the struggle with difficult emotions
• Practical approaches in dealing with a narcissist
• In-depth insights into the mechanics of the ego, the false self
• Tapping into your own resource
• Healing through addressing the very root of the matter
• Roadmap on spiritual growth and maturation
• And more

May this book serve as an insightful companion that gives you the key to unmerging from the old programming and connecting with the unified Self, where the wellspring of wellbeing is found, so that you can live a free and authentic life, relating with others and the world from a place of clarity, easeful joy and spiritual sovereignty.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rayne Feron
• Release date: Feb 7, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215637869

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Within each of us exists an egoic drive whose very will centers around serving the self. It is natural for humans to have some level of ‘egoism’ as a functional mechanism for self-preservation and as practical propulsion to take care of oneself. Being a physical being living in a physical world undoubtedly requires us to look out for ourselves in many ways, such as feeding ourselves, looking both ways when crossing the street and choosing the best products or offers that provide us benefit. Obviously, there’s nothing inherently wrong with these. However, in some individuals, this wiring for self-preservation and self-interest is jacked up to a warped extreme.

Indeed, their ‘penchant’ for self-service is quite distorted, so much so that they lack ‘normal’ regard for others, treating everyone as an accessory or resource to take advantage of, as doormats to step on or as props to exert their power over and play with. Most people have come across a true narcissist in fleeting encounters. Some of us, however, have dealt with one more intimately. If you’ve had a close relationship with a narcissist in the past, which may have left you feeling broken and suffering the turmoil of internal discord and unrest, you may find yourself picking up the pieces on your own, feeling alone in this challenging process.

In the wake of narcissistic abuse, you may be struggling with coming to terms with the reality of what has taken place. While we know deep down that what happened was not our fault, it’s undeniable that we experience moments of wallowing in the mud of self-blame or self-pity.

The pain and sense of dehumanization experienced as a result of narcissistic treatment are mostly not easy to become reconciled to. And if the narcissistic abuse came from parents or parental figures, the feeling of ‘unacceptableness’ can be much greater, for how can the ones who were supposed to look after us, ultimately caused us harm? In the end, we just have to see reality for what it is, that a ‘parent’ can very well be dysfunctional and can prey on the innocence and helplessness of their children. And the children, being children, cannot help but internalize all the projections and are forced to employ coping mechanisms like suppression and repression in order to survive. Now as adults, it is paramount that we begin to stand on our own 2 feet, grow out of the stage of infantilization and realize that responsibility for ourselves and our wellbeing is now in our hands.

Oftentimes, the narcissist’s past explains why they act the way they do. An overly-doting parent may cause a child to develop an overinflated sense of self. The child experiences being excessively praised and is taught that they are special, unique and better than others. This kind of parental overvaluation may be a predictor of grandiose narcissism. On the flip side, a parent who does not give the required care or attention to their child may also contribute to the child becoming a narcissist in their adult years – living the rest of their lives trying to fill, fix or compensate for the deep hole of invalidity and unworthiness that formed within them.

Narcissism at large is a manifestation of a defense mechanism against being fully honest and truthful about one’s feelings — a mechanism that shields one’s psyche from pain, shame, humiliation, being wrong or any other feelings/ideas the mind deems as ‘threatening’, as an ‘attack’ that leads to one (or one’s image) being ‘less’ or ‘diminished’. And in the narcissist’s great fear of the idea or sense of ‘self-diminishment’, they have evolved into a dangerous, harmful, and abusive personality willing to resort to ill means just to protect or preserve their self-regard.

Admiration, power and control are their ‘fix’, the air that keeps their balloons pumped. No air equals lack of ‘self-ness’ (self-diminishment, lack of importance or validity). They’ll lash out at anyone who threatens their self-scaffolding, or triggers in them a sense of shame or inadequacy. They’ll want to destroy someone by spreading false rumors about him/her just because that person is making the narcissist feel less, even if that person is just minding their own business and living their life.

Aside from a person’s past or upbringing effecting the development of narcissism, there is also evidence that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) stems from a biological causation. The brains of many malignant narcissists and psychopaths are in fact different from non-narcissistic individuals and show deficits in the area related to compassion and empathy for others (Baumeister et al., 1996; Glenn & Raine 2009). Researchers found that pathological narcissists have less gray matter in a part of the cerebral cortex called the left anterior insula, which plays an important role in feeling and expressing compassion (Röpke et al., 2013).

Many researchers have also considered that culture may play a part in the development of narcissistic personality disorder. Sociocultural factors can be linked to different levels of narcissism and self-esteem. The so-called narcissism epidemic has dominated western cultures, with narcissistic messages often spread through media forms such as television, music, books, and films. The culture and environment that one grows up in contribute to whether or not one will develop narcissistic traits. It has been found that scores in narcissism were higher in cultures that pride themselves on individualism than cultures that do not (Vater et al., 2018, p. 1).

Though there is much research detailing the possible ways a narcissist is formed, there is always the possibility that there is no real compelling explanation as to why a narcissist is the way they are. Perhaps in some instances, we can say that they are just… born that way. Though it may help to find a greater rationale for how a narcissist came to be, whatever it is, it doesn’t take away the fact that their detrimental behavior is detrimental behavior.

There are a number of reasons why we get entangled in a relationship with a narcissist. Perhaps they are our parents, and we had no choice but to live with them. Perhaps they were someone who seemed kind at first and whose seeming confidence we were drawn to. Whatever the reason for our entanglement, what happened in the past cannot be undone—what is most important is now. This book will discuss the shift necessary that reprograms your entire way of being and helps you transform the sense of powerlessness into empowered agency.

Provided here are insightful pointers and descriptions for releasing yourself from mental/emotional bondedness and into your truth and wholeness, the ground of clarity and spiritual sovereignty. Aside from presenting the narcissist’s toolkit, this book will delve into the mechanics of the ego and our true nature. You inherently contain all that which you truly seek, though the ego mind tries to lull you to the dream world of lack. Coming into the divine truth of your being is vital and ‘un-excludable’ when it comes to true healing or resolution, when it comes to addressing the root of the matter.

Becoming aware of the undivided dimension of You is your next-level opportunity to end patterns of disempowerment and illusions. When there’s the willingness to be undefended in bare-bone honesty, then we become more available to the previously undiscovered depths of ourselves. Authenticity is the doorway to true en-light-en-ment, whereas denial, suppression, defense, avoidance and bypassing lead to further en-dark-en-ment. It is high time we grow up and embrace our humanness with no judgement and sense of ‘taboo-ness’. This heart-level openness offers the gateway into uncovering the unified domain of being, where the Holy Grail of wellspring of well-being is found.

As you put into practice a different ‘base/occupancy’ and orientation, you will move in this world with natural ease and autonomy, grounded in an unwavering foundation and radiating forth profound peace and equilibrium.

1: RECOGNIZE: THE OUTBREATH

Narcissism exists on a spectrum. It can come in many forms and levels of severity. Narcissistic behavior can range from lacking empathy and insight into one’s behavior, withholding affection, refusal to deal with vulnerable topics and silent treatment, to outright being psychopathic, sadistic, physically abusive, excessively controlling, and being a pathologic liar. Because there are covert or less obvious forms of narcissism, it can be difficult to recognize someone with NPD right on the spot and steer clear of them straight off.

Narcissism can be categorized into 2 types: overt and covert. The behaviors of overt narcissists, as the name suggests, are apparent, and they clearly display highly narcissistic traits consistently across all situations. They show blatant overconfidence, exaggerate their abilities, talents, accomplishments, and exhibit grandiose sense of self-importance and unrealistic sense of superiority. It is not uncommon for overt narcissists to manifest their disorder outwardly in the form of abuse and rage and to be obviously arrogant, insensitive and aggressive (Green and Charles, 2019, p. 5). These narcissists are easy to spot and typically easy to avoid if you know what you are looking for, since they display the more visible traits of a narcissist—that is, they often fit the mold of what people suspect narcissists look like.

Covert narcissists on the other hand are