Big-Hearted Boundaries: Caring for Yourself, Maintaining Your Relationships, and Setting Limits

By Nicole Perry

Boundaries are a necessary element of good mental health and successful interpersonal relationships. But from an early age, we’re taught to push down our negative emotions — which makes it that much harder to set boundaries. In a world that tells us that it’s best to ignore our own needs, how can we know how to set boundaries?

Registered psychologist Nicole Perry has the answer. In Big-Hearted Boundaries, an audio course from Scribd Coach, Perry explains, from a uniquely feminist, collaborative perspective, how to overcome the messaging we receive from society about our needs and set crucial boundaries. She also explains how to make “full-body decisions” that align with your own needs and deal with the guilt we often experience when we put our needs and health first.

It’s more essential in today’s world than ever before to set boundaries and ensure that they’re respected. Nicole Perry’s course is a great starting point for those who want to start being intentional about boundaries.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Scribd Coach
• Release date: Jul 13, 2021
• ISBN: 9781094424682

Nicole Perry

Nicole Perry is a registered psychologist specializing in compassionate practice with a feminist, collaborative approach. Perry specializes in trauma and Somatic Experiencing, as well as boundary-setting. Outside the therapy room, she loves cats, reading, travel, and being an introvert. For more from Nicole Perry or to connect with her for telepsychology services, visit her website, feministcounselloredmonton.com.

Book preview

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to Big-Hearted Boundaries: Sustainable Caring.

I’m excited to unpack these lessons with you - lessons on how we can sustainably care for others while still caring for themselves.

You’ve probably heard about personal boundaries before. In a society where each person is expected to prioritize the accommodation of others first, it can feel uncomfortable to set clear boundaries for yourself. Sometimes it just seems easier to forgo them altogether. If you’re one of those people, you are not alone. And you’re in the right place.

So, how do you know if you have trouble with boundaries? It could look something like this. Maybe you have difficulty saying no, even to important things. Your friends and family may have labeled you as a people-pleaser in the past. And many times, maybe you’ve found that the kindness and willingness to help that you’ve offered to others is not reciprocated, and sometimes taken advantage of. Eventually, it leaves you feeling completely burnt out.

You’re in a constant tug-of-war between honoring yourself and caring for others. But it shouldn’t be a choice. Boundaries are not just an optional add-on to your daily life. They are essential. That’s because boundaries are necessary tools to maintain your mental health, create flourishing interpersonal relationships, and prevent burnout.

I have come across these tell-tale signs of lacking proper boundaries frequently throughout the years. And when I see these kinds of issues happening on a communal level, I immediately want to understand the context. Such an epidemic of emotional problems does not occur in isolation. What is happening in our world right now where so many people are feeling out of touch and need to re-engage with themselves?

There are so many messages that are communicated to us throughout our lives that reinforce these behaviors. As children, the way that mental health topics like fear, anxiety, and sensitivity are explained to us has a tremendous influence on our understanding of it as adults.

The same can be said when we tell someone about a negative emotion or physical reaction, those cues that tell us that something is not quite right. When you told someone how you felt, was it taken seriously or dismissed? Were you given the tools to understand the root of your emotions, or did you receive the message that you should ignore it completely and push through the pain?

Well, that pushing through is actually just pushing down. The idea of passing through an emotion might give the visual of breaking through a barrier and leaving the wreckage behind. But it’s more like you’re taking that emotion and throwing it down into the basement, hoping to never see it again. One day when you go to clean things out, it will still be there, waiting to be resolved. Instead of making things better, you’ve actually just made it worse.

We are essentially being taught to ignore ourselves. And while this troubling message is often communicated to women, women are not the only ones receiving it. The message to ignore your boundaries is shared with everyone,

Reviews for Big-Hearted Boundaries

[DetikToko · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

For me its really help me cuz it really guide me to escape from this feeling