My Day Depends on Me: How to Rewrite Your Life Narrative

By Dr. Marilyn Bess Field

Dr. Field has combined her life experiences with her extended education to give you as the reader a sound set of tools for changing the way you think about yourself. Living in fear and regret can often be a cause of illness. Almost all of the dark and anxiety filed areas hindering your chance of happiness can be healed if you are ready to do the emotional work. Learning how to redirect your self-dialog into positivity can change the quality of your life. This book demonstrates how to use self-improvement tools in a fun-filled story about two best-friends’ journeys through life’s good times and not so good times. The sometimes-hilarious and sometimes-challenging escapades of a married couple, Stephanie and Jerry and the wife’s best friend Maggie are chronicled in a dramatic and comedic story intended to give the reader insight into their own psyche.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Feb 24, 2020
• ISBN: 9781982243715

Dr. Marilyn Bess Field

Dr. Field is a recovering professional living in South Florida. She graduated from the University of Florida with a degree in psychology, holds a master’s degree in clinical social work from Barry University, and a registered nursing degree from Broward College. After a career in the helping industry for chemical dependency treatment, Dr. Field continued her education and graduated with a 4.0 GPA, from the University of the Rockies PsyD doctorate program, she is an expert in cultural diversity, personal growth, addictions, and relationship dilemma resolution.

Book preview

I

Introduction

DO YOU BASE YOUR DAY ON which side of the bed another person gets up? Are you an actor in someone else's show? Have lived your whole life depending on other peoples' opinions? Must you have reassurance before you make a decision? Are you afraid to disagree with someone? Are you one of those people who listen to others instead of talking to yourself for expert advice?

With practice people can gain a better understanding of who they are and that they are separate and unique from others. Self-awareness is a mindset that includes knowing your strengths, weaknesses, behavioral traits, and emotions. You can only reach your full potential if you stop believing any lies you tell yourself. Learn how to rewrite your narrative from almost any situation into a positive outcome, even when faced with adversity. Other people have their opinions; but it does not entitle them to wear a black robe and carry a gavel. Unless of course, you provide others with that power. With a healthier degree of self-esteem, it is easier to tolerate other's opinions without intensifying them into counterfeit self-judgments.

Finding that balance between caring and dependence is not an easy feat. Rewriting your narrative can lead you away from the trap of basing your emotions on the mood of your partner. As soon as a person wants to be in a relationship because that is when they only feel whole, they risk the chance of behaving like a puppet, in fear of loss. Some people believe their true happiness lies exclusively in their partner and they would disintegrate if he or she left.

Dissatisfied individuals tend to form patterns whereby they manipulate their partner into thinking that their neediness is either of way of caring or a form of affection. At first, this can seem attractive. Oh, he doesn’t like it when I go out with my girlfriends because he wants to be with me all of the time. Keep telling yourself that. Resentment is bound to set in as you find your way into the trap of possessiveness. Being overly possessive is a sign of low self-esteem and being unfulfilled. Fulfillment cannot be found in someone else, rather you must search for it inside yourself.

Start looking within to evaluate whether you have become emotionally dependent. Are you broken if someone has other plans? Is the relationship you’re in the subject of your every thought? Are you in a marriage where your everyday life depends on your spouse’s attitude, and it has been this way for years? Look within yourself to check if you have become emotionally dependent. If you are, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are always unhappy, but it does mean you are in need of change.

If you really love or care about another person, you wouldn’t want them to hurt because you do. It seems some people feel uncared for if their misery doesn’t have company. They never think how selfish for them to want someone else to feel badly too. It happens all of the time. What’s wrong with Mom? Oh, Dad’s in a bad mood. There is a problem with that picture. Why is everyone at work in a bad mood? Oh, because the boss woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Get it?

It is just as important to give others’ space as it is to have your own space when feeling off or down. If it is not an illness or family crisis, go about your day with a smile. Let the other person work their emotions out and tell you know if they need you. If your partner wants you to suffer with them, it’s time for some therapy.

Take notice the second you start whining and put a stop to it. Immediately, focus on something positive. With loads of practice you can remap your brain. After which you and everyone around you will suffer less. The key to having your day depend on you is accepting the fact that you are responsible and in control of your own life’s narrative. Taking to journaling is a great skill to develop to help you work through difficult times.

STEPHANIE AND JERRY

Stephanie is a thirty-four-year-old human resource director. She has been married to Jerry for nine years and has worked at the same logistics company for twelve years. Jerry is a dentist in a group practice. They work the same hours. It's early morning, and Stephanie's alarm sounds off as usual. Before rising, she hears Jerry complaining there is not enough damn milk for his cereal. Stephanie immediately puts on her creative thinking cap to come up with a good excuse as to why.

Stephanie has conditioned herself to promptly respond to Jerry's behavior with a quick remedy, aka fast lies, such as, Oh I must have forgotten; I'll pick some milk on the way home. The question here is, has Stephanie taught herself this is the easiest way to resume her day and not waste time on an argument, especially about milk? A more important question is why did she automatically assume responsibility for Jerry's breakfast? If this were an isolated time and not a typical characteristic of his, it would be one thing, but if this behavior is normal for Jerry, it will spread. There lies the possibility of this small annoyance festering into a resentment.

What Stephanie has in common with many is she is reactive. Life happens to Stephanie while she works endlessly to meet the demands of those around her. It must be exhausting being a person who lives on thin ice. Thank goodness she can learn to become in-tuned to herself and make the necessary changes for a life with much less stress and codependence. The best news is that you can have fun along the way.

Other than the milk this morning, Stephanie was looking forward to her weekly luncheon with her best friend Maggie. They go to Panera every Wednesday for lunch. It is usually a good day because Stephanie always brings Jerry home a roasted turkey, apple and cheddar sandwich. It keeps him in a good mood all night. Stephanie on-the-other hand is realizing she can’t let Jerry shame her over not having milk for his own breakfast. That doesn’t stop her from getting his sandwich and loving his good mood. But it’s definitely something Stephanie wants to work on.

II

The Part of Me

that Knows

"Everyone who wills can hear the inner voice. It

is within everyone." –Mahatma Gandhi

EVERY ONE THAT BECOMES AWARE OF their inner-strength can fine tune their skills into never-ending progress. Often thought of as that little voice inside of my head, private talks with ourselves is an eccentric phenomenon. It is often thought of as a little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other. But this is a superficial description. This stream of verbal self-dialog or inner voice can include everything from a to-do list to fantasizing about having a whole different life. People spend more time talking to themselves than they will any other person in their life. Some make themselves believe an untruth to make things a little easier or to avoid pain or controversy.

A lie will eat at a person both subconsciously and consciously. It is a way of hiding from anything uncomfortable. One disrespects oneself when they lie; it is a betrayal. One of the biggest lies people tell themselves is they do not deserve happiness. "I have