The Heroin Addict's Daughter: Thoughts on Thriving and Recovering from my Father's Addiction

By Allia Burch

Growing up in a middle class home, my father's heroin addiction was the thing no one mentioned. We lived in denial and secrecy. Years later I set out to understand my behavior as an adult child of an addict.

If you're an adult child of a drug addicted parent, wondering if you can get clear of the pain of your addicted family? It will take time to move through the pain and shame, but it can be done. I'm a woman who grew up in an addicted family. I don't have all the answers, but understanding myself and my behavior helped me. Maybe it will help you as well.

Allia Burch (pseudonym) is a writer who lives in the Northeastern U.S.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bright Street Books
• Release date: May 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9780984292691

Allia Burch

Deborah A Bailey’s Science Fiction & Paranormal Romance  stories include suspense, a bit of mystery and a lot of romantic heat. She’s the author of the “Hathor Legacy” Science Fiction Romance series. and Paranormal Romances including “Family Pride” lion shapeshifter series and the Once Upon A Princess series. Her short stories have won awards from the Philadelphia Writers’ Conference and have been published in US1 Magazine and the Sun. They’re included in her short story collection, “Electric Dreams: Seven Futuristic Tales.”

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The Heroin Addict's Daughter

Thoughts on thriving and recovering from my father's addiction

Allia Burch

Bright Street Books Piscataway, NJ

Copyright © 2014 by Allia Burch.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher at the website below.

Allia Burch/Bright Street Books

Piscataway, NJ 08855

www.AlliaBurch.com

Book Layout ©2017 BookDesignTemplates.com

Original cover art by SCA Svenska Cellulosa Aktiebolaget

Ordering Information: Quantity sales. Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the Special Sales Department at the website above.

The Heroine Addict's Daughter/ Allia Burch. —1st ed.

ISBN 978-0-9842926-9-1

Disclaimer: This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals or recovery programs.

Contents

Introduction

The Journey

Anger

Appearances

Being Responsible

Chaos

Control

Depression

Detachment

Emotions

Family Savior

Fear

Hyper-Vigilance

Holding On

Insecurity

Illness

Judgment

Logic

Modeling

Night

Material Things

Overachieving

Parasites & Energy Vampires

Perfectionism

Playing the Victim

Relationships & Love

Secrecy

Self-Sacrifice

Shame

The Caretaker

The Critic

You Don't Deserve It

The China Cabinet

Broken

Grief

Setting Boundaries

My Voice

Trust

Vulnerability

Loss

Death

Healing Old Wounds

Forgiveness

Getting Free

Resources

Dedicated to RJB

"There is a candle in your heart ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled;

you feel it, don’t you?"

––––––––

―RUMI

CHAPTER 1

Introduction

When I was growing up there was an old saying, children should be seen and not heard. It meant that children should be quiet and stay out of the way of the adults. That went with the common belief in those days that children wouldn't be affected by what was going on around them. We were supposed to be too young to understand it.

I remember once when my family and I were given a ride home from someone's house. For some reason that I can't remember, the adults were dropped off and I was taken on to my home. As soon as my family left the car, the couple who had given us the ride began to shout at each other. They felt it was okay to pretend to get along in front of the adults, but showing their true feelings for each other in front of a child was no problem at all. I learned very early in life that there is a difference between how people appear to be and who they really are.

Ever wonder why you behave the way you do? Wish you could free yourself from the self-destruction, the blame, the shame? I did. That's why I wrote this. My father was a heroin addict, and I grew up in a drug-addicted family. We pretended to be normal and middle class. We were good at pretending. But everyone in the family knew. They just never said anything.

It takes a lot of energy to pretend. In order to survive the chaos and the pain, you'll do anything. But the behaviors you take on so that you can survive, can also destroy you. After you've grown up, you still carry those survival behavior traits with you. You live them every day. The problem is that they don't fit into everyday life when you're in the normal world.

After years of trying to figure it out—sometimes with the help of therapy—I finally understood why I behaved the way I did. Unfortunately, though I wasn't living in a drug-addicted home, my behaviors were still the same.

I was stuck in old patterns and habits. That's what you have to free yourself from. You'll keep repeating the same things over and over. You'll seek out partners who will recreate your childhood experiences. You'll go into environments where you can be reminded of the hell you lived through. And none of that will help you to live a healthy life.

Why do we keep repeating the past? Because it's familiar. It's comfortable. We know how to deal with the chaos. If it doesn't exist in our lives, we'll find a way to create it. That's how we stay stuck repeating old childhood experiences.

There are a lot of similarities with alcoholic homes. Years ago when I looked for information to understand my situation, I didn't find a lot about adult children of addicts. Instead I read a couple of books about children of alcoholics. There are similarities, but the drug addiction adds another level.

While it's accepted for people to drink too much at parties or celebrations, being a drug addict is a whole other thing. For