Chemical Addiction & Family Members: What Family Members Need to Survive and Thrive

By Robert W. Bailor

This small book is for all those noble souls who have endured the trials and tribulations of being family members of an addict or alcoholic and have continued to love them. It is offered as a lifeline so that family members can survive the struggle and even thrive in spite of it.
This book explains chemical addiction and its traumatic effects on family members, but mostly it shows family members how to successfully navigate the challenges they face. Family members need help to heal just as much as their addicts/alcoholics do because chemical addiction is a family disease.
The insight that drives this small book is the same as the insight that drives the recovery of every addict/alcoholic: If you work a program, it works for you. It will not be easy, but in the end all can be well.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 23, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504967631

Robert W. Bailor

Bob Bailor currently works as a Chemical Dependency Counselor at Talbot Hall, The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center in Columbus, OH. He is a State of Ohio Licensed Independent Chemical Dependency Counselor and a Licensed Professional Counselor. He received a Masters degree in Community Counseling from the University of Dayton and degrees in Philosophy from Holy Cross College and Loyola University of Chicago. He has taught Philosophy at Loyola University of Chicago, Purdue University Calumet Campus, Ohio Dominican College and Columbus State Community College. In addition, Bob has given numerous talks on Counseling and Philosophy and has published articles in professional journals in both fields as well as two books. He lives in Westerville, OH with his wife, Mary Rose, and has three children.

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2016 Robert W. Bailor. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 12/22/2015

ISBN: 978-1-5049-6764-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-6763-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015920457

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

FOREWORD

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE Understanding Chemical Addiction

CHAPTER TWO The Chemical Addiction Vortex And The Family

CHAPTER THREE The Issue Of Enabling

CHAPTER FOUR The Issue Of Co-Dependence

CHAPTER FIVE The Roots Of Emotional Stress In The Addiction Vortex

CHAPTER SIX Coping With Emotional Stress

CHAPTER SEVEN Living A Right Lifestyle

CHAPTER EIGHT Guidelines For A Healthy, Happy Life

A FINAL WORD

SUGGESTED FURTHER READING

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Acknowledgement

Grateful acknowledgement is made to two people whose invaluable contributions helped make this book possible. Brad Lander has been a mentor and example for many years. His expert perspective from the scientific viewpoint is the perfect complement to my philosophic and counseling approach. My loving wife, Mary Rose, is not only the inspiration of my life but the faithful editorial hand that by its magic turns my poorly crafted words into expressions of truth and hope.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all those noble souls who have endured the trials and tribulations of being family members of an addict or alcoholic. May it serve as assurance that you can survive your struggle and even thrive in spite of it. With patience and determined effort, all can be well.

FOREWORD

We can be very frustrated with an addict’s behavior. We think, Can’t he see what’s happening to his health? Can’t she see what is happening to our relationship? Can’t he see what is happening to our finances? When we understand what is going on, everything begins to make sense. And with that understanding comes the direction for what to do.

I have been working with alcoholics and addicts for 33 years now. I have come to realize that no one wants to be an alcoholic or addict, but the person can’t see a way out of it no matter how bad things get. And understanding whether or not the addiction is the alcoholic’s or addict’s fault does not make it any easier on those who love them or have to work with them. This book was written to give you hope and direction. I believe I can add to its perspective on the problem.

We have to start with the fact that our brains are chemical. It is a delicate balance of chemicals that dictate how we think, feel, perceive, move, and behave. We have billions of nerve cells with trillions of connections, all controlled by the physics of the polarity of molecules. Anything that can affect the balance of chemistry in our brain will change its ability to interact with the world. Alcohol and a number of other molecules (opiates, THC, sedatives, amphetamines, cocaine, nitrates, and others) are able to get through the brain’s protective barrier and change the way it normally functions. If I drop a pack of Mentos into a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke, it will send a fume of foam high into the air. That is the way it is supposed to work. If, however, I add a tablespoon of vegetable oil to the Diet Coke before adding the Mentos, there is no reaction. Alcohol and drugs are the vegetable oil to our Diet Coke.

Alcohol and drugs affect our thinking and decision making. Consider the foolish ways we behave when we are tipsy or under the influence of a drug. Our speech, coordination, inhibitions, and emotions are, should we say, off. We do not behave the way we do normally. Picture this: a man at a party is obviously intoxicated with his car keys in his hand heading toward his car. We walk up to him and say, Joe, let me drive you home. Joe’s response is I’m fine, I can drive. So is Joe lying to you or is this what he believes? This is the way Joe sees things through the alcohol, and he firmly believes that he can drive safely. Meanwhile everyone else in the room knows this is not so. Whenever we drink or use a drug, we always think we are functioning better than we actually are.

We need to take a step back and ask ourselves the question, why do people use alcohol or drugs in the first place? It has to do with a bundle of nerves in the lower central part of the brain that we call the reward pathway or pleasure center. This pathway is responsible for the pleasing sensations we get when we get the first bite of food when we are hungry or that first sip of cold water when we are thirsty. It feels good. This simple pathway is critical to survival. Take, for example, an animal like a squirrel that cannot understand the concept of nutrition. If it can’t understand the connection between eating and health, why does it eat? It is simple. It is because when the squirrel is hungry and gets food, the reward pathway is activated, telling it it did something good. The squirrel eats, not because it understands food is necessary for survival, but because it wants that feeling of reward. This is the basis of the survival drive. If the squirrel does not eat, it dies. If it does not drink, it dies as well. Anything that stimulates this reward pathway has a built-in drive to repeat the behavior. While this process works pretty well for animals in the wild, it doesn’t work quite so well for human beings. Alcohol and drugs stimulate our reward pathway. They make us feel good and they give us the false impression that we are doing something good for ourselves that will ensure our survival, and this sets up a drive to repeat this behavior.

This reward/repetition cycle is extremely powerful. In a famous experiment, scientists implanted electrodes into the reward pathway of rats. The rats could stimulate the reward pathway at any time by pressing a lever. What happened was the rats would press the lever to the exclusion of all else until they passed out from exhaustion. When they awoke, they ignored food, water and the other rats (rats are social animals that even sleep in piles) and would immediately begin pressing the lever again. They continued this behavior until they all died (within 30 days). It is frightening to think that such a dangerous mechanism lies deep in our own