What I Wish I Knew When I Was 22

By Tara Visconti

A collection of dating memoirs to guide any woman - and man- through the tumultuous world of dating and relationships. An entertaining look at the author's personal reflection on her choices in men and how you can learn from her mistakes. A funny read, and an excellent guide to life and love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Aug 18, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543944570

Book preview

What I

Wish I Knew

When I Was 22

TARA VISCONTI

Copyright © 2018 Tara Visconti All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means – photocopy, scanning, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the author, except for inclusion of brief quotations in reviews or articles.

ISBN - 978-1-54394-457-0

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my inspiration – my remarkable, one of a kind, outstanding and fabulous parents.  Your love for each other, your love for yourselves, and your love of Life have taught me more than anything I ever read in any books or learned from any schools.  You were, and continue to be, my teachers.  Much Love, Admiration and Respect to my First Loves, Candy & Glenn.

A special thank you to my friend and editor, Janice Whalen – you are my #1fan, always standing by me, I could not have made sense of all of these thoughts without your guidance.

A second thank you to all the men who wronged me.  Without you, I would not have been so inspired to write this trashy novel and save the others.

Cover Photos by Lydia Mornese Babbit.

Note:  Most names used in this book have been altered to protect the guilty. You know who you are.  Any resemblance to any other person, living or dead is clearly coincidental. Also, you’re paranoid.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Dedication

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Epilogue

PROLOGUE

What is it that makes us want the ones we know are so CLEARLY wrong for us? The bad boys, the mammas boys, the addicts, the unavailable jerks? The ones that don’t get us and the ones that don’t treat us right and will simply never know how?

Congratulations, the test came back positive, you’re a dick…. And I love you.

It’s almost like we believe if it’s too good, it won’t last or can’t be true. So, we tell ourselves that we better stick with the bad so it doesn’t get too good.

Women are crazy…Crazy for love.  Crazy in Love and crazy out of it. And don’t even think about getting lonely.  Because the minute that happens, you’re immediately drawn to THE WORST of the bad boys. We are so afraid of being lonely we’ll take the company of those that hurt us because it’s better than being alone with our thoughts of why we’re alone.  What we fail to realize is that being with men who don’t know us or respect us IS being alone.  They aren’t really with us. They aren’t connecting to our souls or making us feel whole.  They are, in fact, making us lonelier and we don’t even realize it.

So how do you break the bad boy pattern?  Don’t fear being alone with your thoughts and yourself. You’re the only one who can search your own soul and decide who you are and what you want and who you want to be.  A man can’t do that for you.  A man can encourage you to be all that you can be, yes.  But don’t expect that a man can make you who you are.  This is our biggest mistake.  We think that once we have the man, we have it all.  But that is farthest from the truth.  You can’t possibly have a good relationship with a man if you don’t first have a good and HONEST relationship with the one true love of your life – your SELF. 

If you think about your patterns and spend that lonely time with the greatest love of your life – YOU – then you won’t be alone.  And you will truly never feel lonely again.

Always trust your gut.  If it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t.  And don’t try and talk your gut out of things - or into things.  Listen to what it tells you.  It’s smarter than the heart and louder than the brain.  Wait for when it DOES feel right.  Because it will, believe me.  And then you fly with it.  You fly with it and you never let go. Trust in yourself, have patience for the good in life – remember it may take 20 years – but you WILL be rewarded.  But ya gotta trust your gut.

Wait for a man who is going to follow up.  Follow up his words with his ACTIONS.  Any man can tell you he is going to take care of you. Only few can SHOW you. Any man can tell you you’re beautiful. You can look in the mirror and tell yourself that. But if a man can make you FEEL beautiful – even at your worst – then THAT is a man worth waiting for. That is the man to give your time, energy and body to.  It is NOT the one who keeps making empty promises.  Not the one who constantly and consistently disappoints. Remember that word consistency. Patterns of behavior can be consistently good or consistently bad, but the point is, they are consistent. Have you ever heard experts on parenting say consistency is key, or children need consistency to grow and learn? This is absolutely true with babies and with human beings in general. Whether you treat a child consistently good OR consistently bad, that child is still going to learn. It’s going to learn consistency.  And that will happen every time the child is in contact with that person showing the consistent behavior. This is something that adults need to learn as well.  Do not ignore consistency, whether it’s good or bad. If it’s bad behavior, then you need to realize that it’s not going to change and you need to move on from that person. That person does not know what you need and will not help you grow. If it’s good behavior, then you absorb it and embrace it and eat it up. Don’t let it go. Fly with it. And know that you deserve it. Consistency is what you need to help you see and grow and learn. It cannot be ignored. You’re being shown something. Something constant, and eye opening.

I wish the movie He’s Just Not That Into You would have come out when I was in my 20s. That movie was spot on. And it gave me a lot of a-ha moments. I related so much to the main character.  We even had the same coffee cup for crying out loud! Regardless, you felt painfully sad for her character in that movie. She was just desperate for love and a relationship. But she was going about it all wrong.  She wasn’t recognizing the signs. She was so blinded by the idealism of Love that she was painfully naïve. 

If a man wants to talk to you, he will call. If a man wants to see you, he will come find you. If a man wants to be seen with you, he will show you off to his friends and family. You shouldn’t have to chase anyone. Not as a woman anyway. Let the man do the chasing.  They love that shit. THEY get a thrill out of that.  All we get is exhausted. 

If you want to run, join a gym or buy a treadmill. Do. Not. Chase. Men. Recognize your worth and all you have to offer. Then recognize what you deserve.  Forget what you FEEL about someone or what they look like or how hot they are, and remember what you DESERVE.  If a guy is hot and you just want to bang his brains out, then do that.  But if a guy is hot and you want a relationship or more than just hot sex, and that’s not what he’s into, then move on. Find another hottie. And DON’T bang a commitment phobe and think he’ll change his mind. He won’t. You do not have a magic vagina. Fairy dust does not come out of that shit. It will not magically make him want to marry you or be only with you. You have to keep in mind this point at all times:  If it has a penis, it is capable of doing something wrong with it. If he’s a player, recognize it and move on. Players don’t call to say Hi.  Players don’t want to meet your parents. They won’t bring you soup when you have the flu. They don’t buy you flowers