Self-Compassion for Black Women - Escape the Prison of Negative Self Talk, Silence Your Destructive Inner Critic, and Enable Emotional Healing Even If You’ve Been Hard on Yourself In the Past: Self Help for Black Women

By Nya Love

Imagine feeling confident, empowered, and deeply connected with yourself as a black woman. Picture a life where you no longer doubt your worth, where you speak your truth unapologetically, and where you embrace your imperfections with love and kindness. This journey towards self-compassion is not only possible, but it is also vital for your well-being and happiness.

 

In this transformative book, written specifically for black women like you, the author shares personal stories and experiences that will resonate deeply. From confronting negative self-talk to embracing vulnerability, you will discover the power of self-compassion to break free from the chains of self-doubt and societal expectations.

 

Through relatable anecdotes and practical advice, you will learn how to cultivate self-compassion in every aspect of your life. Here are just a few of the benefits waiting for you within these pages:

 

• Uncover the keys to emotional resilience and discover how humor, grit, optimism, and positivity can empower you.
• Break free from the grip of perfectionism and embrace the beauty of your imperfections.
• Transform your relationships and create a foundation of love, understanding, and forgiveness.
• Learn how to navigate heavy days with grace, embracing the importance of self-care and self-acceptance.
• Embrace vulnerability and ask for help, shattering the stigma that surrounds seeking support.
• Find joy and happiness in the smallest moments, creating a life filled with laughter and fulfillment.

Are you ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery, self-compassion, and resilience? Take the first step towards unlocking your inner strength and embracing the life you deserve. Get your copy of "Self-Compassion for Black Women" by Nya Love today!
 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nya Love
• Release date: Nov 17, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223597216

Book preview

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Matters of Wellbeing

About Emotional Well-Being

About Spiritual Well-Being

Take Care of Your Spirit

About Physical Well-Being

About Social Well-Being

Chapter 2: All of You Is Welcome Here

Where Does Our Perfectionism Come From?

Embracing Your Imperfections

Overcoming Perfectionism

Chapter 3: Forgiveness Is for You

Fostering Self-Forgiveness

Chapter 4: Softer With Yourself

Why It Matters So Much

Fostering Self-Compassion

Chapter 5: Brave Enough to Feel

Brave Enough to Feel

Why It’s So Hard

Bravely Shedding Through the Layers

Chapter 6: The Help You Need

There’s No Shame in This

Asking For Help

Chapter 7: Reminders for the heavy Days

For the Sadness

For Relationships

For Peace... Blessed Peace

For the Doubt

Chapter 8: Joy... You Are So Welcome Here

When Joy Feels Scary

Creating and Finding Joy When It Feels Distant

Conclusion

References

Introduction

Dear black woman, right here we can be soft. We can hold ourselves like no one ever did. We can drench ourselves in liquid tenderness even if hardship is all that we’ve ever known. Right here we will feel for the love of God and all things we will feel and open up our hearts, be vulnerable, soft. We will be full of love. We will be messy. Why? Because to be alive means to be everything good, bad, and in between.

The first time I cried in a long time: It was the evening or early in the night, I can’t really remember. All I remember is that it was a little too dark to see what was happening outside of the window. I had one small lamp in the living room, and it cast these warm shadows across the carpet. Some thoughts emerged, I thought that loneliness, heartache, and grief wouldn’t be this bad when I finally had my life together. Work long and hard enough to not care about anything at all because that’s what boss babes are, but it felt nothing like that—not in this reality that I was in. There was so much... pain, hurt, sadness, grief all trapped in this soul, but the will, the language, wasn’t there to help gently ease it out, so I cocooned myself and I cried. The kind that leaves your throat raspy, and slightly out of breath. Eventually I stopped crying, maybe five, ten or fifteen minutes later. I wiped the tears from my face and felt so much better afterwards. It felt good to have an outlet for all of those suppressed emotions.

We often think of crying as a sign of weakness. I won’t lie, I haven’t always been fond of sadness. I hated how naked it makes you feel. I didn’t like not knowing what to do with myself and most of all, I hated dealing with my problems. But no sooner than later, I realized that bottling up your emotions is as dangerous as hammering dynamite. Whatever it is you’re feeling will eventually want to let itself let loose; it will show up as something much more sinister and deadlier.

We all go through seasons of life that are less than easy and we all have our own ways of dealing with those—most of which are a product of our conditioning or upbringing. We cope differently, and that’s okay, but what is not okay is lying to yourself and denying the pain that you are feeling. Pain has a funny way of catching up with us and for me, I think it was that night right there on my couch.

Healing... I thought about it a lot after that crying episode and only later did I learn what it is. It’s a storyteller. It sits with the discomfort of a memory and makes it useful. In my case, she layered it out in word paintings. It gives me a voice. A name. It reminded me that although from time to time, I may struggle, but when this is right, she will always glide through my door, a window—whatever is open at that moment and do the work that God sent her to do.

So, cry. Scream and shout from a rooftop if you must, dear woman. Softness and vulnerability should have a dwelling place in your life. You do not have to always be the strong one. The resilient one. The one who never shows any emotions. Remember that there is strength in walking away. You don’t always have to push and persevere through everything. You don’t have to show so much resilience to suffering. Allow yourself to walk away.

I feel privileged to be the one to embark on this journey to fullness with you. So ease into your chair, yourself, and your spirit and let’s explore all these avenues that exist within these hearts of ours.

Chapter 1: Matters of Wellbeing

When we look at black women, the first thing that comes to mind is strength. Then resilience. We think about all that they have fought and are fighting to overcome. There is this idea that we have to work and fight three times harder than anyone else in the room to be recognized and seen. We’re taught that others should first and foremost come before ourselves. So where in this entire picture does space exist?

Wellness and wellbeing for black women, to me, means teaching us to engage with ourselves, to engage with us from a place of wholeness. To live in wholeness is to live in awareness. It is recognizing that yes, things are like this right now, but they don’t always have to be so. This begins with you identifying the walls that you have erected; walls that are preventing you from crossing over to the other side of a better life.

How are you dealing with your feelings? Do you trust yourself with what you are feeling? Do you find yourself feeling anxious about tomorrow, next month, or the next hour? These are heavy and burdensome feelings to bear, and the energy that they carry with them creates a distance between that connection with awareness and the heart because what generally happens when you feel burdened by your emotions, is you’re going to start walking away from those emotions as an attempt to shield yourself from the harm that they may cause you. We don’t realize that feeling everything that needs to be felt is how we heal ourselves—how we fill the empty spaces.

Are you dripping and overflowing with love? Wellness is love and love is wellness. It is about self-validation. Loving without needing any love in return; investing your energy in relationships that are beneficial to you. Relationships that leave you feeling energized and uplifted, instead of empty and uncertain.

And this is my favorite: Wellness is about understanding how you may be self-sabotaging yourself. So, are you getting in your own way? Sometimes, our biggest obstacles in life are overcoming our own self-sabotaging behaviors. You may be self-sabotaging yourself if you find yourself taking on more than you can handle. Overthinking the things that you need to do eventually leads to self-doubt and procrastination. It’s in your avoidant behavior, instead of actually tackling your problems head on. It’s not taking time to thoroughly understand your triggers and your frustrations, which eventually leads to conflict with your loved ones. In choosing to not be aware of our own self-sabotaging behaviors, we lose out on a divine opportunity to develop an unshakable foundation of trust in ourselves.

One of the most important lessons of my life thus far that I have learned is that if someone does not have the capacity to sit and be present with their own emotions, they will not have the bandwidth to hold space for yours, in essence, cultivate a healthy kind of love for you. Managing our emotions and our greatest fears is a skill. One that is not developed in a matter of days—more like months and sometimes even years. We all have varying degrees of how we choose to heal and deal. Sometimes we distract ourselves and fill our schedules with countless things that we need to do. In some instances, we blame shifts or numb ourselves to the pain. But what I want to highlight is that the more we can make these unhealthy patterns visible, the more we can start walking toward different and healthier choices.

About Emotional Well-Being

We should prioritize those who prioritize us. Gone are the days of one-sided anything. Reciprocity is so much more attractive. If they’re not putting in any effort, then neither are we. We will not be overworked and undervalued, and we are certainly not sticking around in those places where we are not valued. Our value does not change based on what they think or don’t think of us.

I don’t care what anyone says, but emotional health is so, so sexy. Being able to communicate needs properly. Being able to process emotions in healthy ways. Being able to feel our emotions without judgment or shame. Allowing them to move. Understanding their complex hidden language. Our emotional well-being matters because dumping our emotional baggage on friends, partners, colleagues, and family members is not at all okay and will never lead to a deepened connection in the relational world.

Emotional well-being focuses on how our emotions affect the perceptions that we have of the world around us and how we sometimes react emotionally to different situations, and that’s something that can drastically affect how you function on a day-to-day basis. Emotional well-being is not throwing a tantrum every time things don’t necessarily go your way. It’s choosing to not