Spare Me the Manipulations

By S. K. Johnson

Are you tired of feeling like everyone but yourself has control over your life? Do you feel manipulated, want to learn more about this complex topic, and yearn to be more independent?  If you've been looking for a book that will enable you to break free from manipulation, build productive relationships, and achieve happiness, then keep reading, you've found the perfect book!

 

At some point in our lives, we've all experienced an imbalance of power, especially from our loved ones. Gradually, this kind of negative influence can have a destuctive impact on an individual's mental and emotional wellbeing, causing them to be resentful, fearful, and hurt. Does this sound like you?

Spare Me the Manipulations is an essential guide designed to not only teach you how to prevent being manipulated but will give you a detailed guide to learning what manipulation is, how you can prevent it, and how you can heal and build healthy relationships with your loved ones. Are you ready to learn how?

Inside Spare Me the Manipulations, you'll discover

• How to spot manipulators, and practical ways you can learn to overcome or deal with manipulative people and situations.
• The negative effects of manipulation and how you can transform toxic relationships into healthy and trusting ones.
• Constructive methods you can start incorporating into your life to foster a sence of self through self awareness and building idividuality in a relationship.
• Strategies to get away from manipulative people and grow into your truest potential, even if you're doubting yourself right now.
• Essential techniques to avoid becoming the manipulator by learning to meet your own needs, asking for help without manipulation, and preservering your relationships.

​​​​​​​This indepth guide is expertly crafted to empower you to make confident decisions without feeling burdened by guilt or the pressure to please others. With the help of simple yet effective tools, you will be able to step into your own power and effectively manage any conspirations from thos around you.

 

Are you ready to stand up for yourself and have the courage to live your truth? Trust in yourself and let this guide be your ultimate resource for taking control of your life. Read Spare Me the Manipulations now!

• Language: English
• Publisher: S. K. Johnson
• Release date: Oct 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9798989280445

Book preview

Much like how we worked our way out of being a people pleaser in Spare Me the Expectations, we will discover the path toward freedom and individuality in Spare Me the Manipulations. Giving power to yourself takes away control from manipulators, people who think they can control you, and others who could be trying to take advantage of you. If you are ready to become the person you want to be, continue reading.

Chapter 1: The Influence of Manipulation

Do you feel like you are easily persuaded by the people around you? Whether they say, act, or imply their feelings and wants, you are easily convinced to do it. The worst part about it: this is not something you would typically act, think, or say on your own. How does this impact your relationships? Are they mostly one-sided, in which you never get to do what you want to do? Do you feel like you always have to always do what other people want, even if they don’t outright say what they want? Are you often left scrambling to figure out their needs and meet them for this person?

Now, consider how you feel about this. Does this make you feel isolated or worthless? Are you always tired of trying to be someone you are not just to gain their approval? Have you noticed that certain people make you feel worse about yourself than others? Maybe there is one person who you feel free to be yourself around and another person just makes you doubt yourself. Do you ever feel or have you been told that you are like someone’s puppet, being pulled by their strings every time you are around them?

All of these questions and thoughts are meant to encourage you to consider the possibility that you are being or have been manipulated by one or more people. Your responses are a guide for you to discover how vulnerable you are to manipulation.

Learn to become aware of these feelings and patterns to protect yourself from manipulation. Use these questions to reflect on your past and present relationships. You can start to do this by using your responses to the questions above and reflecting on potential relationships in which the other person could be manipulating you. These feelings, such as being constantly persuaded, indulging in one-sided relationships, and having poor self-image or mental health, are signs that you are being manipulated. But what does it really mean to manipulate and be manipulated?

To clarify what manipulation is and how it negatively impacts you, manipulation is acted out by one individual through their words, tone, or behaviors as a means to control another individual or group of people’s thoughts, emotions, behaviors, or other aspects of life like relationships, finances, and career. It leads to many negative repercussions, which we will discuss soon.

Manipulation is like persuasion: one person is using specific and targeted tactics to get a desired outcome. This outcome could be anything from you feeling responsible for their happiness, you doing extra and unnecessary tasks for them, or even for you to become a different person from who you are now. However, unlike manipulation, persuasion is a means to improve the lives of most, if not all, involved. It is usually used to get the audience to change their mind or opinion about something. Manipulation is targeted, calculating, and solely for the benefit of one individual. There is rarely, if ever, a case in which manipulation is intentionally used with good or just cause.

There are multiple forms of manipulation, and many times, a manipulator may use more than one depending on the type of relationship you have with them (professional, romantic, or platonic), and what they are trying to get out of you. Knowing these different types of manipulation can help you open your eyes to the reality of what is happening to you:

●  emotional manipulation

●  physical manipulation

●  sexual manipulation

●  financial manipulation

●  verbal manipulation

These are just a few of the most common forms of manipulation, but depending on your relationship with the manipulator and their intentions, they may use more personal forms of deception.

Unfortunately, many people don’t even realize that they are being manipulated because they don’t understand the warning signs, they aren’t familiar with what manipulation is, or they lack the courage to stand up and fight for themselves. Take Jonah, for example. Jonah is a new hire at an accounting firm. He introduces himself to his new boss, and everything seems fine at first: His coworkers are nice, and the pay is good. In fact, Jonah is excited about this job because it is his first job out of college, and his boss is aware of this. With this information and the belief that Jonah can rise to the occasion with bright eyes and an eager disposition, the boss begins to use manipulation to get Jonah to do more work.

In the first month of working, Jonah arrives at work on time, completes his tasks, takes appropriate breaks, and leaves to go home after the eight-hour workday is done. He doesn’t come into the office or answer his work email unless he is on the clock. He doesn’t put in any extra hours because he always completes his work on time and accurately.

One day, Jonah is called into his boss’s office. His boss is upset with him, saying that he thought Jonah would put in more work and effort than he had been. He says that Jonah could make great progress in this company, but that he doesn’t look like he is excited about moving up. Then, the boss starts making an example of Emily, a previous intern who always stayed late and worked overtime, and eventually received a promotion. He tells Jonah, I thought that you would have understood this without me having to tell you; you need to be putting more effort into your work. I’m disappointed that you aren’t committed to the success of this company. I really want to help you do well here, but you have to show me that you want to be here.

Jonah is surprised at this conversation but doesn’t think twice about it. He starts working overtime, answering phone calls and emails even outside of work hours. Jonah puts more pressure on himself to be a better employee, even though he was already doing a great job in the first place. After a year, he asks his boss if he is doing better, stating that he thinks he has put in the work to receive a promotion or at least a raise. But his boss convinces him that he has not done nearly as much as other employees in the team, pushing Jonah to work more than he was before.

It doesn’t take long for Jonah to start thinking negatively about his career. He isn’t excited about work anymore, and all he feels is burnout. He begins to resent himself for not preparing himself enough for the real world and starts to develop depression. Each time he thinks he does better, he seeks approval from his boss, who is still pretending to care about Jonah’s success within the company while abusing his desire for approval.

This relationship between Jonah and his boss is a negative relationship as a result of the consistent manipulation his boss uses to get Jonah to work more and stay late even though he is not on business hours. The reason we can define this as manipulation is because Jonah was being controlled by his boss’s calculated words. His boss used Jonah’s weakness (a desire to fit in with the company and do a good job) against him, and the only participant who benefited from this relationship was the boss. Even though this is a professional relationship, it had become toxic to Jonah not just because of the manipulation and being overworked, but because the impact of this manipulation caused him to doubt himself, fall for poor communication and lies from his boss, and lose a part of himself as a result of trying to please and gain approval from his boss.

Manipulation always has a positive impact on the manipulator and a negative impact on the one being manipulated. This is how we can identify manipulation from persuasion or influence. Persuasion, influence, and manipulation are all skills that help sway the thoughts, beliefs, words, or actions of at least one individual, but the outcome and intention of each of these skills are different. It is important that you can identify the difference between each of them to prevent confusion or falling for manipulation when you thought it was only influence.

As stated before, persuasion is a skill that is used to change or alter the beliefs or opinions of others, most often to help them open their mindset or see things differently. You could be persuaded to think about the other side of an argument, to start recycling more, or to approach tasks differently from before. Persuasion can have any positive, neutral, or negative outcome on the one being persuaded.

Influence is another term that can be easily confused with manipulation. However, influence is not always intentional or negative. Think about all the times you were influenced to buy something.