Codependency: A Recovery Guide for Codependent Couples Trapped in a Flawed Relationship

By Jacob Costas

Have you ever thought that you depend excessively on your partner? Or maybe it's the other way around and he or she depends way too much on you?

Whether you're in a new relationship or have been several years married, codependency might rear its ugly head and breaking free of the cycle can seem challenging or downright impossible in some cases.

This guide will help you discover amazingly simple little things that you can do, to finally put an end to this unhealthy cycle and get back control of your life. 
 

Here's some of what you can expect to learn inside the pages of this book:

• How to identify if there is a cycle of co-dependency going on in our relationship and how to break free of it.
• Learn how to have healthy boundaries that will strengthen your relationship.
• A practical, step by step program designed to break the cycle of codependency for good and exactly what to do in case of a relapse.
• The proper way to handle conflicts and discussions so that solutions are found quickly and effectively.
• And much more!

Even if you currently feel completely "stuck" and hopeless, there's almost always a solution nearby.

Real adult relationships aren't just about feelings and thrills. They require some effort plus the consistent desire to grow with our partners even through the tough times.

Learn practical secrets to achieving a lasting love and a happy relationship even if you're not super creative or a hopeless romantic. 
 

The solutions for making your relationship work and breaking free of the co-dependency cycle will not magically fall upon us. But today, because you are holding this book, you have just gotten closer to this reality. Start taking back control of your life today!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jacob Costas
• Release date: Jan 27, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386098447

Book preview

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Introduction

As we all come from varying backgrounds, our expectations of what a good relationship is will most likely be different. In any case, all good relationships are generally built on clear communication, mutual respect, and trust. It’s all about knowing how to remain true to ourselves while striving for personal and mutual growth. It pushes us to learn how we can be open and vulnerable around someone without being afraid of having our pride and self-worth trampled on.

If you’re reading this book, you’re probably interested in breaking free of the codependency cycle you currently might feel trapped in. Codependency is relationship addiction. Maybe you aren’t yet aware of what the core problem is, but you’ve noticed that you always end up in difficult relationships that you can’t leave behind.

Perhaps you struggled with low self-esteem and insecurities which made you vulnerable to abuse. Now that you know that your problem has a name, you wanted to know more about it, to know why it keeps on happening to you. 

Being a codependent means you have been victimized a lot of times in your life, perhaps way back when you were still a child. You may have thought there is something wrong with you so you deserved those kinds of experiences.

On the other hand, you may not have realized that your past has something to do with your present circumstances and relationships. Now that you know about codependency, things begin to make sense.

It’s a good thing that you have become aware of codependency because you can finally face your problem and resolve it. You’re in luck because it is a condition that has been studied, and people have come up with ways to overcome it.

Your recovery has already begun simply by knowing about this book. Reading will take you further into the life you’ve always longed for but never had before.

Thank you and I hope you enjoy this book. If you’d like to support the work of independent authors, the only thing I ask is if you could please leave a review after reading

Chapter 1: What’s codependency and how do you know if you are being codependent?

Codependency is a psychological and behavioral condition that involves an addiction to relationships. It interferes with individuals’ ability to have mutually satisfying relationships, since it creates a tendency to seek and maintain unhealthy, one-sided relationships.

A relationship may be described as codependent when one person links his worth and happiness to another person. However, codependency may involve an addictive relationship not only to individuals but also to things or behaviors.

Codependency was originally identified when the interpersonal relationships in families were alcoholism was present was analyzed. It was discovered later on that codependency can also affect those who are taking care of someone who is addicted to other things such as drugs, shopping, gambling, etc.

It is called codependency because it involves those who are caring for a dependent – that is, someone who can’t take care of his own self because of an addiction, illness, disability, and the like.

Codependency as an Addiction

A codependent may be considered as an addict because of his dependence on someone. This is because being away from the person and not taking care of him may result to depression or anxiety. These experiences are similar to drug withdrawal symptoms.

Like with drug addicts, codependents forego other interests to maintain their focus on their loved one. They also feel happiness and completeness when they are with that person.

Codependents hold on to a destructive relationship despite negative outcomes such as losing friends, performing poorly in school or at work, being stressed and tired, and generally feeling bad. This is because they are literally addicted to the relationship.

Codependency as Vulnerability to Others

A codependent is someone who lets someone else affects him excessively, and because of this, he wants to control that other person. Controlling behaviors can take on a lot of forms - physical or verbal attacks, threats, passive aggressive behavior, emotional manipulation, and more. 

Because there is a need to control and feel appreciated, a codependent frequently enters relationships where someone needs to be helped or rescued. Being the rescuer helps the codependent feels valuable and indispensable.

In some cases, the person affecting the codependent may not be a dependent in that he is a healthy person without any serious issues. However, this person affects the codependent in negative ways, such as provoking pity, anxiety, guilt, or shame.

Codependency as an External Focus

The main problem with codependency is the attempt to manage one’s internal feelings by controlling the external environment. Because codependents spend effort on the wrong things, their situation may get worse.

Codependents tend to overreact to external things and under-react to internal issues.  Overreacting to external things may involve helping others or turning them into better people. It may also mean focusing on unpleasant or painful things that are done to the codependent, or blaming them for his problems.

This external focus may be considered as the addictive component of codependency. This is because the codependent feels good when he focuses on the things outside of him to avoid facing his pain and harsh realities.

The under-reaction to internal things is the denial component. The codependent ignores, avoids, or hides his feelings, ideas, dreams, preferences, goals, and plans because they make him uncomfortable. Unfortunately, these are the very things that make him who he is, thus, being a codependent means denying one’s self.

Why Codependency Occurs

Codependency may be considered as a coping mechanism for trauma and/or unfulfilled needs. It may develop when the person’s need for security and love have become blocked because of a dysfunctional relationship with someone who is needy, troublesome, or controlling.

How a Dysfunctional Family Creates Codependency

A dysfunctional family is one that functions in unhealthy or abnormal ways. It may have problems like addictions