Set Healthy Boundaries & Overthinking In Relationships Cure (2 in 1): Develop Effective Communication, Overcome Anxiety, Prevent Co-Dependency & Your Love: Develop Effective Communication, Overcome Anxiety, Prevent Co-dependency & Your Love: Develop Effective Communication, Overcome Anxiety, Prevent Codependency & Your Love

By Sarah Evanson

Discover The Blueprint To A Flourishing Long-Lasting Relationship With The Power Of Setting Boundaries & Effective Communication.

Introducing "Set Healthy Boundaries &amp

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sarah Evanson
• Release date: Oct 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9781916673427

Book preview

Set Healthy Boundaries & Overthinking In Relationships Cure (2 in 1): Develop Effective Communication, Overcome Anxiety, Prevent Codependency & Your Love

Sarah Evanson

Overcoming Overthinking In Relationships: The Art of Setting Boundaries, Understanding Attachment, Effective Communication & Moving Beyond Anxiety, Jealousy & Insecurity

Sarah Evanson

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1  What is Needed to Have a Relationship?

Chapter 2  Recognize Your Fears

Chapter 3  The Most Common Fears and Why They Are Difficult to Confront

Chapter 3  Core Beliefs

Chapter 4  Mindfulness and Relationships

Chapter 5  Toxic People

Chapter 6  Understanding Your Negative Thoughts

Chapter 7  Changing Your Behavior

Chapter 8  Couples and Conflict

Chapter 9  Boundaries

Chapter 10  Make Your Relationships Work

Introduction

Take a look around you. We live in a complex world. We are confused by the many devices, industrial equipment, technology, and processes available. Yes, we appreciate the benefits that scientific advancements have brought us, but at the same time, we get upset when they fail, and, of course, they do fail from time to time. As a result, we turn to manuals—everything from a car owner's manual that shows how much air to put in our tires to instructions on how much butter to put in our crepe pan.

Relationships are also complicated. Nonetheless, we often commit to them with little guidance and support. I'm not saying that you go and buy a manual when it comes to relating to your partner because relationships will never come with step-by-step instructions. We are not machines. What works for one couple may not work for another. However, continuing without any guidance, as many couples do, and expecting relationships to work perfectly does not work. As a result, advice that supports your relationship is essential.

What do we mean by advice in this specific situation? We mean the theory that has the potential to influence how partners interact with one another. This will benefit couples because having a better understanding of how we function allows us to make more informed decisions in our relationships.

Chapter 1

What is Needed to Have a Relationship?

Although love is a driving force for partners to help and support each other, to make each other happy, and to start a family, it is not the main base of the relationship. Personal qualities and skills are usually more important to maintain it. When we say personal qualities in a relationship, we mean commitment, vulnerability, generosity, recognition, loyalty, responsibility, and trustworthiness. Partners must work together, compromise, and follow through on common decisions. They must be proactive, accepting, and forgiving. They must be understanding of each other's flaws, mistakes, and quirks. The marriage develops and matures over time as these virtues are cultivated.

Couples are often competent at dealing with people outside the relationship, but few people enter an intimate relationship with the fundamental understandings — or technical skills — that allow a relationship to grow. They frequently lack the knowledge required to make collaborative decisions and ignore their partners' communications.

Marriage, or partnerships, differ from other types of relationships in life. When a couple, whether of the same or opposite sex, commits to a long-term relationship, they develop certain expectations of one another. The intensity of the relationship awakens long-buried desires for unconditional love, loyalty, and support, and the partners vow to meet these needs. Everything the partner does carries a meaning arising from these desires and expectations.

Partners are prone to misinterpreting each other's actions due to the intensity of their feelings and expectations, their deep dependency, and the critical, often arbitrary, symbolic meanings that they attach to each other's actions. When disagreements arise, often as a result of miscommunication, partners are more likely to blame each other than to view the disagreement as a problem that can be resolved. As difficulties arise and hostilities and misunderstandings multiply, partners lose sight of the positive things their partner provides and represents—someone to support them, enrich their experiences, and share in building a family. They may eventually doubt the relationship and thus miss out on the opportunity to detach the knots that tie up their understanding.

When one or both partners resent some aspect of the relationship (e.g., an irritating partner behavior, an intrusion on one's time and energy), they reasonably prefer it did not exist. Typically, the dissatisfied partner reacts with a negative emotion that, while intense, is appropriate for the situation. Frustration, annoyance, disappointment, sadness, regret, and concern are examples, but not such couple-debilitating emotions as anger, hurt, insecurity, guilt, and jealousy.

However, without the toxicity of the previously mentioned strong emotions, the couple can respond rationally in a variety of ways—they can work together to resolve the dissatisfaction with as little disruption as possible.

The main cause of weakening a relationship is the partners’ inability to work their problems towards an effective solution, especially when they both feel emotionally overwhelmed. What is also true is when one person prompts such a provocative behavior because of their emotions, the other partner reacts similarly, creating a never-ending cycle.

Other than that, the irrational beliefs that partners may hold during their relationship and express in sentences with ‘’should’’, ‘’need’’, and ‘’must’’, may also create frustration and emotional overreaction, leading to resentment and chronic issues in the relationship.

Chapter 2

Recognize Your Fears

Sometimes it's simple to recognize your fears. For example, you might have an obvious fear, such as a fear of heights, flying, or something else. This is particularly difficult for aspiring people who want to start out. However, it can be perplexing when fear sneaks up on you and leaves you with a panic attack that you don't comprehend.

Look closely into the times when you feel afraid.

What features do they share?

Is there anything that causes it—a circumstance, an emotion, even a person?

Is it a fear of losing, failing, or a fear of conflict?

You must first recognize your fear before you can begin to define it for yourself.

This can be very challenging for some people, especially if their fear is deeply ingrained.

Fear may have multiple layers, and upon reflection, you can see that one primary fear may be the source of several different fearful reactions.

Write about your fears if you're having trouble putting them into words. Writing is an excellent tool because it enables you to organize your thoughts and discover your needs or potential triggers. Write down your fearful thoughts and how they make you feel, both physically and mentally. Describe the most recent experience you felt you would never want to go through again. When the same situation arises again, fear is likely to reappear. It can be extremely difficult to rationalize your feelings of fear. Fear can make you hyperaware and confuse you, especially if you don't understand where it is coming from. Just write freely for five minutes using a timer. Doing this can help you express your fears on paper before your defense mechanisms have a chance to take effect.

Fear prefers to hide in the shadows like a true villain because it hates to be exposed. Talk to another person. There are many reasons to involve others you trust in your search for your fears if you are fortunate enough to have them nearby. The people closest to us frequently know us better than we know ourselves, and as a result, they can offer suggestions about our fears. Ask them if they have ever witnessed you experiencing fear, and inquire as to what they believe you were afraid of. They might have information to share with you that surprises you. People from the outside can provide a new perspective on the root of our fears.

Recognize that different people are affected by fears. Although fear is a universal emotion, it is interesting to note that not everyone experiences fear in the same way. For example, suppose two people are looking at a snake; one person may become extremely anxious and upset, and the other may not feel scared at all. Two people have had the same experience. While one reacts negatively, the other continues to be who they were before. Our minds are sophisticated systems that analyze countless data points, including fears. Instead of comparing your fears to those of others, consider what each one means to you. Fear can be as distinctive as a fingerprint.

Discover the source of your fear. The same thing can frighten people in two very different ways. Take two people who are terrified of flying. While one passenger might fear that the plane will crash, another passenger might fear being taken hostage or hijacked. As a result, while one person fears losing control, the other fears the possibility of dying. As you can see from this illustration, even though this is how the fear manifests, it is not helpful to claim that both individuals are afraid of flying. Think for a moment about the motivation behind your fear and why you may have it. If you're committed to overcoming your fears, if you don't know what your fears are, you can't overcome them.

Internal and External Fears: Development and Management

Nearly everyone in today's world knows the importance of striking a balance between their personal and professional lives. This equilibrium is frequently tense and disorganized. People often believe that being constantly busy is the only way to achieve all of one's goals. When fears prevent someone from achieving their goals, they lack balance. A person can't achieve the greatness they are capable of because of this fear-based imbalance, which most people don't understand.

Fears can take many different forms and occasionally have a negative impact on a person's health. All other fears fall into one of two categories: internal or external. These fears can manifest and impact a person's mental state in various ways. The only way to overcome these fears is to comprehend them and their causes.

The most recognizable and understandable fears are those that are external. These anxieties are based on things that are external to a person and naturally evoke dread and anxiety.

However, just because these emotions are normal doesn't mean they are required or even typically felt. For example, one of the most prevalent exterior fears a person might have is the fear of spiders and snakes. Because a distinctly recognizable outside source brings them on, external fears are very simple to identify. The fear itself is always connected to this trigger.

With the example of the fear of spiders, apprehension and dread can be triggered by the sighting of a spider or a subtle creeping sensation running down one's arm. These anxieties typically only surface when a person sees or thinks they see the thing they are afraid of.

A person's external fears can impact more than just their private life. If a business owner is afraid of heights and expanding their company would require them to work on the seventh floor of a tall building, they might decline to do so. If an important international business meeting is taking place in an area of the world that the attendee believes to be unsafe, they may choose not to go. Whatever a person's specific external fears may be, they will always have a negative impact on them and prevent them from experiencing their inner self.

As was previously mentioned, it is usually simple to pinpoint the cause of an external fear. These phobias are commonly brought on by something a person has seen or experienced in the past. A fear of heights could easily be brought on by falling from a tree house as a child. Seeing a lot of crime in one part of town can bring on fear in similar circumstances. It usually only exists as a reminder of something negative that has already happened, regardless of the external fear.

Internal fears are much more difficult to define and explain than external fears. One's own mind is the only place where an internal fear can exist. Although they too frequently experience triggers from the outside world, they do not derive their existence from it. Finding the primary cause of this kind of fear can be challenging because it isn't always related to a specific incident in a person's life.

Internal anxieties can appear as a fear of being rejected, failing, succeeding, and various other internal problems. One person might be afraid of asking for money to start a business because they fear being rejected, but another might be frightened of doing the same thing because they fear the responsibility and what they will have to take on if they succeed.

This same apprehension about requesting a business loan might result from the worry that one will falter if given a chance. No matter why someone is reluctant to ask for money, it is always due to an internal fear. Numerous factors, many of which are typically emotional, can contribute to internal fears. After being dumped by a partner, a person might experience an irrational fear of rejection. After spending a lifetime with an overbearing father who insisted on perfection in all areas of his life, another person might develop a fear of failure. These worries can keep someone from taking the chances required to achieve their goals. Internal fears are frequently very challenging to overcome.

Unfortunately, facing one's fears head-on is sometimes the only way to overcome them. Many people may find this nearly impossible, but it only takes a moment to push past this fear to achieve what one wants. The first step toward living can be concentrating on the outcomes rather than the fear.

Chapter 3

The Most Common Fears and Why They Are Difficult to Confront

Fear of particular things or circumstances can largely be learned from other people. Because they see their parents' aversion to spiders and snakes, children can develop a fear of those as well. However, children of business-owning parents, for example, aren’t likely to grow up afraid to launch their own companies.

Many people pick up their fears from those around them or allow themselves to develop them because they think a particular circumstance might be harmful or dangerous. Many of the same things are feared by everyone, and overcoming those fears is a daily struggle for those who want to unleash their inner self.

Fear of Animals

Many people are afraid of insects, snakes, mice, spiders, and other animals. This fear can be useful at times. It evolved in response to the need to survive. Because people want to survive, they tend to fear all snakes even though they know only some snakes are poisonous. The same holds true for other ghastly creatures like mice and spiders. Because they don't want to get up close and personal with these creatures to determine if they are poisonous, people often try to maintain as much distance between themselves and them as possible. It's another survival strategy.

Due to the widespread presence of bugs and other creatures, this fear is challenging to overcome. They are always found outside and can enter a person's home. Most people initially fear bugs because they can easily invade and destroy property, and many carry diseases. Dealing with a fear of animals is challenging because it is very hard to overcome a fear of things one believes to be harmful or dangerous. As a result, the majority of people will remain afraid of creatures throughout their entire lives and will act and make decisions based on the likelihood that they will come into contact with them.

Fear of Heights

Many people struggle with their fear of heights and dislike balconies, high floors in elevators, and looking down from the edge of the Empire State Building. This fear is entirely natural and results from another survival instinct. Only the possibility of falling is the source of fear in high places. It can be challenging to overcome a fear of heights for two reasons. The first is that it is simple to avoid heights. Many people are content to live in areas without mountains, so they don't have to travel over them to get to work or to take a longer route to avoid doing so. The second reason is the lack of validity of a fear of heights. People frequently experience a sense of panic and freeze when faced with the idea of standing outside on a balcony or ledge, making it impossible for them to put themselves in this situation. This fear cannot be conquered unless a person is committed to taking action to explore higher and higher places.

Fear of Storms

This is a widespread fear that many people experience. This may be because we have a fear of loud noises from birth. Furthermore, nothing can be done to control storms because they are unpredictable. People experience a wide range of fears from seeing the devastation caused by hurricanes, tornadoes, lightning, and rain while watching the news. The fact that storms are out of a person's control and pose multiple survival threats is why this fear is difficult to deal with. Additionally, the media uses dramatic warnings to alert people to impending storms and the associated risks. As a result, they continue to be afraid of something that might not even have occurred.

Fear of Small Rooms

Because they feel trapped and unable to escape, many people are terrified of small, enclosed spaces. This can occur on airplanes and severely impede a person's ability to conduct business and live a normal life. The fear of being confined or caged in a small area is equivalent to death for many people. The physical response to this circumstance has the potential to trigger a heart attack and potentially result in death.

Because it can be challenging to get people to confront their fears, overcoming a fear of small spaces can be one of the most challenging. People frequently experience panic attacks, accentuating the phobia and making it more difficult to overcome.

Fear of Speaking in Public

Public speaking is one of people's top fears, affecting many business owners. This is because the thought of being the center of attention makes them feel frightened.

They fear being judged, laughed at, considered ugly, or not good enough. People's fear of embarrassing themselves in front of peers or clients, which they perceive as the demise of their credibility and business, is the root of this issue. Dealing with this is challenging because it calls for individuals to begin speaking in public. Many people experience panic attacks, feel sick, nauseous, or freeze, making the situation even more challenging.

Overcoming their initial public speaking engagement, most people find it easier to talk in front of groups from that point on. It is obvious that fears are strong, influence life and business decisions, and can appear to be difficult to overcome on one's own, whether related to creatures or speaking. When faced with fear, people typically try to avoid it.

Overcome fear or avoid it? You must decide where you would rather focus your energy.

Extreme Circumstances - Phobias

Sometimes, a person's fear of an event or circumstance can be so intense that it develops into a phobia. A phobia is a persistent, negative fear that is so strong that it interferes with a person's daily life. People with phobias often need assistance from qualified professionals because they frequently fear the trigger.

Using Fear as an Initiator of Acceleration.

While fear can have a negative impact on some people, it can also inspire others to achieve their goals and become more motivated. Among many other things, people can use fear to succeed in business, academia, or health and fitness. The fear of failing can occasionally be so strong that it increases drive, courage, and determination to finish tasks. Employing fear as a driving force can inspire business owners to take risks and spur entrepreneurs to pursue successful entrepreneurial endeavors. Business professionals will quickly learn that fear is fleeting as they gain more confidence in their industry. Dedication to professional empowerment and success quickly replaces this initial reaction.

Obstacles to Business 

Fear of failure, financial loss, and making mistakes is one of the main reasons people shy away from entrepreneurship. Refusing to blame insignificant things or people, finding new partners, and learning from past errors, can revive a business or give you the strength to start your own business.

Fear is very important for maintaining human health and well-being. The role of being a human ultimately involves making mistakes.

How To Recognize The Fears That Are Most Limiting Your Success

Most of the challenges we face in life are motivated by fear. As previously mentioned, some fears are simple to identify, such as a fear of flying, heights, or public speaking anxiety. Others continue to be buried deep within our subconscious minds, posing obstacles to reaching our potential and materializing our dreams