Improve Your Conversations: Your Communication Skills Blueprint- Overcome Social Anxiety, Learn To Talk To Absolutely Anyone, Master Small Talk & Develop Deeper Relationships

By Sarah Evanson

Discover The Must Know Skills, Tips & Strategies To Become A Master Conversationalist & Effortlessly Talk To Absolutely Anyone!

"Improve Your Conversations" learn the

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sarah Evanson
• Release date: Oct 9, 2023
• ISBN: 9781916673533

Book preview

Introduction

Communication is one of the most important skills you can learn because we constantly communicate with other people. It can be simple at times, but it can also appear impossible.

This book will give you the skills necessary to become a more natural and effective communicator. You'll get better at talking to people you already know and start figuring out what keeps you from interacting with people you don't know. By the end, you'll be communicating more confidently and frequently, and your communication will be sharper, giving you a better chance of achieving the results you want.

Understanding is the key to effective communication.

The person you're speaking with must believe that you understand them. You can only make real progress and build rapport when you reach a point of mutual understanding.

There are two types of communication:

1. Primary communication consists of the words you say and the direct meaning that someone extracts from those words.

2. Secondary communication occurs when people infer or deduce something from what you say that you did not intend.

Secondary communication occurs outside the actual words you say, ranging from the impression you make to the various interpretations your words allow.

Suppose you tell someone you're paying for a friend's vacation. You may believe they'll think you're a charitable person, but the true secondary communication is that the listener may have shaped a negative impression of your friend. They may believe your friend lives on freebies, which is not what you meant your communication to accomplish.

Many communication issues originate from the communication gap, which is the difference between what you mean when you say something to someone and the meaning they take away.

So what makes this any different? Why would there be a gap in communication? Language is essentially an expression of one's feelings about something. When you have thoughts or experience things in the outside world, you experience emotions.

You then put words together to communicate those emotions and say what you want, think, need, and so on. This all happens subconsciously, so you don't have to think about every word you're going to say.

The gap arises because humans use different phrases and words to describe their internal or emotional experiences. When you describe something to another person, the words and phrases you use may differ from those they would use to describe the same experience. That is, no one else is likely to fully understand or process the language you use the same way you do.

Add to that the fact that no one else thinks the same. We've all had different life experiences and perspectives on the world and our place in it. We all have different beliefs and values. Your communication is based on things that have happened, are happening, or that you want to happen in your life. Internal processing is always present, and it differs from person to person.

Words have different meanings for different people and in different contexts.

If I say, I've had a fantastic Christmas break, it doesn't necessarily imply that you will have a fantastic vacation by simply going to the same location and doing the same things as me. You will have a completely different set of standards for what represents fantastic in terms of a vacation. For example, consider the word outspoken. For some, it's a good thing, implying straightforwardness and honesty, but others interpret it negatively.

It all comes down to how you process different experiences. Your experiences influence the words and phrases you use, but you can never be certain that the person you are talking with shares your experiences. As a result, there is always a communication chasm.

We can see different things.

Why can two people observe the same situation but have completely different understandings?

We are more likely to notice things that are important to us or reflect our view of the world. That is why two people attending the same occasion can have such different experiences: they notice different things in the same environment. Imagine Guy is afraid to attend a basketball game because there may be conflict in the crowd. Because of his predisposition about the event, he is more likely to notice people who are grimacing and have negative body language. Mike, on the other hand, attends the same game, expecting everyone to be relaxed and friendly. Smiles and laughter are more likely to catch his attention. As you can see, it was the same event but a completely different experience.

This is also evident when you and another person see a car. You both see the same car, but one may like it, and the other may hate it.

Every one of us is unique. Even when introduced to the same external stimulus, we perceive the world differently. So it's no surprise that many of us are shy about starting conversations. Communication is a minefield, but your possibilities, success, and happiness depend on how you interact with others - which is where this book comes in.

You can use the information to improve your communication skills in a variety of situations, such as improving your social life, becoming that confident person who can strike up a conversation with anyone, or improving your sales or networking skills. Whatever it is, this book contains strategies, ideas, and techniques to help you talk to anyone!

Chapter 1

The Power of Listening

Your ability to listen well in a social or professional setting can benefit you just as much as any other skill you learn. One of the most important characteristics of a leader is the ability to gather information by asking questions and carefully listening to what others have to say.

Four Tips for Better Listening:

Every book or article on the subject eventually reaches the same conclusion: There are four essential components of effective listening. If you can master them, you will earn the charisma to talk to anyone.

1. Pay close attention.

Without interrupting, listen. Listen in complete silence, as if nothing else in the world is more important to you right now than what the other person is saying.

If someone wants to talk to you, especially at home, stop everything else and give that person your undivided attention.

Turn off the TV, close the book or newspaper, and concentrate solely on the other person's words. This behavior will be immediately recognized and appreciated, giving you enormous emotional power in the conversation.

When a person is attentively listened to by another, they are affected. Endorphins, nature's happy drug, is released by their brain, causing them to feel good about themselves. His self-esteem rises, and they begin to like themself more. Above all, they like and trust you more as a result of your attentive listening to him. The payoff is fantastic.

2. Take a break before responding.

Instead of jumping in as quickly after the other person pauses talking to take a breath, take a three to five-second break. Allow for some silence. Simply relax.

When you take a break, three things happen, all of which are positive. First, you avoid interrupting the other person if he is simply reorganizing his thoughts before proceeding. Second, by pausing, you indicate to the speaker that what he said was significant and that you are evaluating it. This reinforces the speaker's worth and causes him to perceive you as a more likable and intelligent person. Third, you actually hear the person, not just what he said, but what he meant on a deeper intellectual level. Try it just once and see what happens.

3. Clarifying question.

Never think that you understand exactly what someone said. Instead, help them expand on their most recent statement by asking, How do you mean? or What exactly do you mean?

Here is one of the essential communication rules: The individual who poses the questions has control.

The person asking the questions has control over the person answering them. When responding to a question, a person focuses on what he is saying; he cannot think of anything else. The questioner has complete control over him.

The key to captivating someone with this method is to ask thoughtful questions. All great communicators understand and employ this technique regularly.

4. Feed it back to them in your own words.

This is the true test of effective listening, acknowledging that you were truly paying attention rather than participating in the common practice of pretending to listen.

You pause after a person finishes speaking and say something like, So, you just did this, and then this happened, and then you made the decision to do that, right?

Only after the speaker confirms what he said and meant can you proceed by asking a second question or commenting on what was just said.

Attention

Attraction necessitates undivided attention, particularly when listening. Remembering what someone says is only one aspect of listening unless you're listening to a speech. If your attitude says, I don't care enough to bother reacting to you, or if nothing in your behavior indicates that you are listening, you are a bad listener. If you're not sending signals that you're paying attention, you're not listening!

Many qualities contribute to good relationships, whether social or professional, but nothing is more important than being perceived as an empathetic listener. The better you listen, the more useful you are in any relationship. But how can we know if someone is paying full attention?

You signal that you are listening by using body language.

Those who communicate this signal are known as attentive listeners. Those who do not are referred to as inattentive listeners.

Provide Assurances and Acknowledgements

These signals are known as acknowledgments. Attentive listeners use them to acknowledge the other person's presence and reassure them that they are fully engaged in the act of listening. Listeners who are attentive in the moment make people feel special and important. The more you use these signals, the more attractive you will appear.

First Signal: Make Eye Contact

How do you know if someone is paying attention to you? The first and most important signal is simple eye contact. Someone who is not looking at you is not listening to you. Take a good look at the speaker.

Maintain direct eye contact. That's the most basic way for people to tell if you're paying attention. The more eye contact you make, the more engaged you appear.

How much eye contact is considered appropriate? There's no such thing as too much listening when you are listening: It should ideally be 100 percent. If you look away too frequently or for too long, the other person will almost certainly react negatively, thinking, I'm boring, he doesn't like me, or She's not interested in what I've got to say.

Poor eye contact generates no positive thoughts. You must maintain good eye contact while listening if you want to be perceived as attractive.

Second Signal: The Flick

Superior eye contact while listening necessitates an extra skill that enhances the genuineness of your eye contact. It also helps to prevent intimidation caused by intense eye contact. It also indicates the extent to which you are invested in the person and what they have to say.

What exactly is the flick? While listening, flicking is shifting of the gaze from one of the person's eyes to the other. You can observe this technique in movies where there is a love scene where the girl looks into the man's eyes. Notice how her gaze shifts from one to the other, creating a flick between eyes and lips. This movement expresses thoughts and emotions and shows that both participants are engaged with each other.

Genuine Listening vs. Fake Listening

You've most likely experienced both types. Someone has been staring at you, possibly making direct eye contact, you know they are physically there, but their mind is elsewhere. This is a time when the other person was pretending to listen. They weren't paying attention to you. Their eyes were glazed and vacant, confirming your worst suspicion— they weren't interested in you or whatever you