Why Men and Women Don’t Understand Each Other: How to Find a Common Code

By Emanuele M. Barboni Dalla Costa

“Where there is feeling there can be no logic. That would be a paradox, wouldn’t it? This, in a nutshell, is why men and women do not understand each other. In reality, the ‘unspoken’ or ‘implied’ is the basis of communication, and therefore also of seduction and the maintenance of relationships”.

Why do men and women not understand each other? Why do conflicts and misunderstandings arise? Is it possible to generate more authentic and emotional connections with others?

In this short and valuable essay, the theme of the difficulty of communication between men and women is addressed. It contains techniques and solutions for finding a ‘common code’ between the two sexes: the holy grail of all success in the sentimental sphere.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Synopsis

WHY MEN AND WOMEN DON'T UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER: HOW TO FIND A COMMON CODE

Owls Are Not What They Seem

Leave no Room for Misunderstandings

The Meta-Message and the 'Unspoken': Nothing is As It Seems

Story of a Girl Terrorized by the Words 'I Love You

The Reason Men and Women Don't Understand Each Other

Men and Women Speak Different Languages

The Bad News is That You Are Already Communicating

Silences and Monosyllabic Messages

How I Turned an Introverted Girl into a Loudmouth

We only put up walls to defend ourselves

Just a Matter of Time

The Basics of Communication: Feedback

We are still today dominated by Primordial Impulses

Kindness is Revolution

Investment and Balance in Communication

The Power of Silence and Incompleteness

What matters is always what the other person understands.

APPENDIX

7 Ideal Features for Your Communication

Raising the bar (Paraphrase of Emotions)

Exercises in Emotional Paraphrasing

Do You Only Communicate With Silence and Anger?

Conflict Management in Relationships

Are You Dealing With an Introvert?

Interpreting Subtext in Communication

Why Men and Women Don't Understand Each Other: How to Find a Common Code

The Author

• Language: English
• Publisher: Publishdrive
• Release date: Jan 1, 2022

Book preview

Emanuele M. Barboni Dalla Costa

Why Men and Women Don’t Understand Each Other: How to Find a Common Code

Copyright © 2022 by Emanuele M. Barboni Dalla Costa

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Contents

Synopsis

I. WHY MEN AND WOMEN DON’T UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER: HOW TO FIND A COMMON CODE

1. Owls Are Not What They Seem

2. Leave no Room for Misunderstandings

3. The Meta-Message and the 'Unspoken': Nothing is As It Seems

4. Story of a Girl Terrorized by the Words 'I Love You

5. The Reason Men and Women Don't Understand Each Other

6. Men and Women Speak Different Languages

7. The Bad News is That You Are Already Communicating

8. Silences and Monosyllabic Messages

9. How I Turned an Introverted Girl into a Loudmouth

10. We only put up walls to defend ourselves

11. Just a Matter of Time

12. The Basics of Communication: Feedback

13. We are still today dominated by Primordial Impulses

14. Kindness is Revolution

15. Investment and Balance in Communication

16. The Power of Silence and Incompleteness

17. What matters is always what the other person understands.

II. APPENDIX

18. 7 Ideal Features for Your Communication

19. Raising the bar (Paraphrase of Emotions)

20. Exercises in Emotional Paraphrasing

21. Do You Only Communicate With Silence and Anger?

22. Conflict Management in Relationships

23. Are You Dealing With an Introvert?

24. Interpreting Subtext in Communication

25. Why Men and Women Don't Understand Each Other: How to Find a Common Code

The Author

Synopsis

Where there is feeling there can be no logic. That would be a paradox, wouldn’t it? This, in a nutshell, is why men and women do not understand each other. In reality, the ‘unspoken’ or ‘implied’ is the basis of communication, and therefore also of seduction and the maintenance of relationships.

Why do men and women not understand each other? Why do conflicts and misunderstandings arise? Is it possible to generate more authentic and emotional connections with others?

In this short and valuable essay, the theme of the difficulty of communication between men and women is addressed. It contains techniques and solutions for finding a ‘common code’ between the two sexes: the holy grail of all success in the sentimental sphere.

I

Why Men and Women Don’t Understand Each Other: How to Find a Common Code

1

Owls Are Not What They Seem

Let’s start with this quote from the TV series Twin Peaks by my beloved director David Lynch. Do you know it? It made television history, if not, I’d say it’s time for an update.

"The owls are not what they seem’.

Translated Owls are not what they seem.

That’s right.

In communication, nothing is what it seems.

Every word, every gesture, every action, every sigh has a value that is not unique and above all not arbitrary.

Remember: nobody has a magic mirror and nobody can read your mind. Rule number two: what you don’t say will never reach its destination, unless it is your strategic choice (silence is a very powerful weapon).

What you can do, however, is to try to get as close as possible to communicating how you really feel by finding the right words and, above all, the right mode of communication.

Because that’s what makes relationships fail: you don’t understand each other, or you think you have been understood when you haven’t been. And it doesn’t matter whether you are at the beginning, in the middle or at the end of a story. This concept always applies.

This is not because one does not put in the effort, of course not. It is mostly a matter of concrete competence of which hardly anyone seems to be aware. The difference lies in the fact that what we say is almost never perceived exactly as we imagine it in our heads.

Let’s take a few examples, just for fun.

If you don’t make it clear in some way to that boy that you like him, he will never know and will continue to live his life as if nothing happened.

If you don’t tell your husband that no, the missionary position doesn’t give you an orgasm,