Equalog Contract Discussion Guide for Couples

By Dr. Paschal Baute

Equalog Contract is a discussion guide for couples, between equals. Roles such as husband-wife, provider-homemaker, father-mother no longer determine the way we live our lives. In our changed world, with both husband and wife having careers, the traditional roles as to who does what and when do not much influence us.  Everything must be decided by the partners. Nothing, really nothing, can be taken for granted.

 

Yet we still bring expectations and assumptions to our pairing, our relationships, our marriages. Unless these get spelled out, put on the table, discussed and negotiated, we can be sabotaged by differences never realized, by assumptions or expectations never even talked about. Typically, "Few expectations are agreed upon except that the love feeling itself will suffice. . . Only in marrying, do adults sign a contract in which the terms are unwritten, limitations unspoken, and penalties unspecified".  –from the Introduction to the Equalog Contract..

 

Paschal and Janette Baute, from many years of counseling couples, and from their own married experience offer this guide for those who want to have a sound basis or "good footing" for living together.  This promptbook has been widely used by couples for many years and is still employed by marital counselors.

The guide lists many agreements that have been useful and even necessary for effective partnering in living together. The original design is as a workbook with each partner completing a copy on their own and then coming together to discuss similar and different views. This is still available in print form, but the eBook digital version is more accessible to most.

 

Our aim is to help the couple have the understanding needed  to have a stable, lasting, loving, joyful and fun-loving productive partnership as we ourselves have had, now for 53 years. So, some 50 years of partnering aswell as some 50 years of counseling couples have gone into this work.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paschal Baute
• Release date: Dec 18, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201944889

Book preview

Equalog Contract ™

Discussion Guide

For Couples

By

Janette and Dr. Paschal Baute

Copyright © 2015, 2021 by Paschal Baute

All Rights Reserved

V 4.0

Originally published as

Equalog Contract™ for

Marrying, Married or Co-habiting Couples.]

Copyright Janette and Paschal Baute, 1977

More ways to bond are previously published in

Secrets of Intimacy, Paschal Baute,. 2015

And other books,© Paschal Baute, 1990, 1994

––––––––

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Baute Publishing

4080 Lofgren Court

Lexington, KY 40509

INTRODUCTION

Purpose: to help you have a more stable, lasting ,

loving , joyful  and fun marriage.

Your authors have been married 53 yeas in 2021

Only in marrying, do adults sign a contract in which the terms are unwritten, limitations unspoken, and penalties unspecified. Grounds for termination are unexplained, unpredictable, and often unilateral. Since there are no specific criteria for performance, a breach of contract is undefined. Not even an act of God, e.g., disabling accident or illness, is regarded as an excuse for non-performance. Restitution is uncertain and usually requires detailing of the personal faults of the intimate partner, making him an adversary in a public court of law. It is not surprising that the move from marital to martial is sometimes an overnight leap. (1)

Each partner behaves as if the other knew and should live up to all his or her unrevealed assumptions and expectations, yet no means for the resolution of differences or conflict are clear or agreed upon. As both partners move through the various stages of life in the onward course of the marriage, each experiences different forces from within and from without. Whatever ground-rules have been established are subject to change without notice without discussion or consent. Few expectations are agreed upon except that the love feeling will somehow totally suffice: Love means never having to say you're sorry. (2)

Divorce is occurring increasingly on demand, and the interest of the state in upholding legal marriage is declining. The law is becoming more reflective of the actual experience of marriage, and the satisfaction of two separate and distinct individuals is taking precedence over the preservation of a legal contract binding the couple as an abstract entity. Marriage is becoming more and more a social arrangement held together primarily by a bond of emotional satisfactions. Not wanting the hassle and heaviness of legal obligations, many are simply choosing to live together. We are expecting more than ever from our marriages, and yet our relationship-contracts are increasingly fragile. (3)

We live in a society in which change seems to be the primary constant. One small but significant clue is the typical omission of the promise to obey from many marriage ceremonies. More than the old forms of marriage are needed for the diverse and developing needs of individuals and couples if relationships are to endure and survive Since what people bring to marriage is more varied today than ever before, persons need to clarify what they intend and expect from each other, and they need new ways to re-evaluate outdated patterns that are no longer relevant

Up to now, society and the law have favored stability, structure and security of the marriage contract in contrast to change, flexibility and freedom. Current requirements for both stability and change, structure and flexibility security and freedom can be embodied in a personally negotiated contract—agreement for cohabitation or marriage. (4) It is noteworthy that in the Hebrew tradition, marriage contracts, sometimes beautifully illustrated, drawn by the families of the couple, have a history of almost three thousand years. (5).

Design of this Discussion Guide

EQUALOG CONTRACT is designed to assist couples to clarify their relationships and to find, among these diverse needs, a balancing point which, for them is workable, creative, and responsive to each other. The name EQUALOG CONTRACT expresses the basic theme - - that is, the agreement results from a discourse between equals who negotiate all roles and expectations (as compared to "dialog" which means merely an exchange of ideas).

WE STATE OUR INTENTIONS

Whereas:

We affirm that we continue to love each other, and therefore we want to make our relationship more open, stronger, and more enduring still;