The New You: 10 Hacks To Unlock Your Emotional Intelligence & Overcome Anxiety & Low Self-Esteem

By Lewis Alerson

Everyone is talking about emotional intelligence and its benefits. But what exactly is it and is it possible to unlock your emotional intelligence to create a new you?

Today, we are all living in such a fast-paced world, where performance and success seem to have taken over life. In the rush to realize our ambitions and still m

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lewis Alerson
• Release date: Oct 13, 2020
• ISBN: 9781801336772

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The New You

10 hacks to unlock your emotional intelligence and overcome anxiety & low self-esteem

LEWIS ALERSON

Copyright © 2020 Lewis Alerson

All rights reserved.

© Copyright 2020 by Lewis Alerson - This document is geared towards providing exact and reliable information in regard to the topic and issue covered. The publication is sold on the idea that the publisher is not required to render accounting, officially permitted, or otherwise, qualified services. If advice is necessary, legal or professional, a practised individual in the profession should be ordered.

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CONTENTS

Introduction

Part One - Unlock Your Emotional Intelligence

What is emotional intelligence?

How can it benefit you in your life?

Understanding your emotions

Men vs. women

Part Two - Develop Your Mental Strength

Manage your life with emotional intelligence

Better communication for better results

What is self-awareness?

What is anxiety, and do you suffer from it?

What is low self-esteem and is it holding you back?

Why procrastination is holding you back

Becoming a better leader

The power of motivation and self-discipline

How failure can make you a better person

Bringing emotional intelligence to the workplace

Part Three - 10 Life Hacks To A New You

Dealing with the past and forgiving others

Freeing yourself from people's opinions

Dealing with destructive emotions

Understanding emotions in others

Managing anxiety effectively

Conquering low self-esteem

Overcoming disappointment

Forging better relationships

Working towards a healthy body

Patience and discipline

Conclusion

Exercises for Emotional Intelligence

References

INTRODUCTION

Until very recently, the world has been divided into two kinds of people: those who are smart, and those who aren’t. It starts from day one of our life, when proud parents look for signs that we are ‘bright’, ‘clever’, or intelligent’ as opposed to ‘dumb’, ‘slow’, or even ‘stupid’. Sometimes these labels stay with us as we grow up, and definitely affect the way we view ourselves and others. You know what I’m talking about, right?

How many times have you heard comments like; he’s really intelligent or, she’s so smart? All the time, probably. And we even judge ourselves in those terms, which can have a significant effect on our behavior. Having a high IQ (Intelligence Quotient) is even better, and as a society, we look up to and respect those who are deemed superior to us in that area. Most of your life, you have probably measured how intelligent (or not) you are in relation to others, and will have even felt that you weren’t smart enough, or maybe that you were, in fact, a genius!

Being a quick thinker, able to solve complicated problems, possessing the ability to retain large amounts of information, and being good with money are just some of the traits or characteristics of someone that you would probably describe as intelligent. And getting high grades at school or university is a common goal which we have all probably aspired to in the past or ambitions which we feel are important for our children to pursue.

Apart from admiring someone who is rich, or very successful, we tend to view intellectual intelligence as the most important mark of a person; something we respect immensely. Smart people have always been our prototypes - think Pythagoras, Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, even Bill Gates, and I can already see your jaw drop in awe. Where would we be now without all of those bright brains, who forged our path throughout history?

That’s all well and good. But our intellectual abilities aren’t everything. For a long time, psychologists had been looking at how we deal with our emotions and the way in which we relate to others. In the 1990s, a couple of them (Peter Salovey and John Mayer), came up with the idea that there is actually another type of intelligence which covers exactly that, known as Emotional Intelligence, or EI. The idea then became mainstream in the mid-nineties through best-selling books and is now a buzz term, often also referred to as EQ (Emotional Quotient).

People described as having emotional intelligence are more likely to be successful in their relationships, their careers, and their social life in general. The studies show that those who display such skills are more content in themselves, make great leaders, and are also true team players. They are even less likely to suffer from medical conditions associated with stress such as IBS or even cancer, as well as harmful habits like alcohol abuse and eating disorders. It’s now accepted in the sphere of psychology that emotional intelligence is more important than intellectual intelligence, which may leave you scratching your head. Why is being able to deal with your emotions so important?

Just think about that for a second – take your emotional temperature at this moment and choose one word which would best describe how you are feeling: frustrated, tired, angry, sad, depressed, anxious confused, stressed-out, disillusioned, disappointed…? It could be any one of these or more; all feelings which prevent you from enjoying this moment. Wouldn't it be great if you could just take control over these negative emotions rather than them controlling you?

Often, our inability to identify exactly how we feel and to evaluate those emotions objectively prevents us from being able to master them, and even express them. But why has this important aspect of our humanity failed to fall under the radar by scientists for so long, and how useful is it really to us today?

We will take a look at the answers to the first part of the question in Part 1 of the book and then explain how important it is for you to begin to incorporate emotional intelligence more into your daily life. In Part 2 you can learn about how being mentally strong doesn’t mean that you are cut off from your emotions, but quite the opposite. Tuning in to how you feel can empower you to be more disciplined and develop greater self-esteem. Part 3 will introduce you to 10 essential hacks to guide you through the process of unlocking your emotional intelligence so that your quality of life improves and you build healthier relationships.

If you are reading this book as a total novice on the subject of emotional intelligence, then you will learn exactly what it is and how you can begin to use it to your advantage.

For those of you who are already familiar with the topic but want to delve deeper into the ways in which it can change every aspect of your life, you’ve come to the right place.

If you are one of the millions of people who suffer from anxiety and feel unable to handle even the smallest of problems, this book will guide you through easy-to-follow steps to overcome your fears.

And for those of you who never felt ‘good enough’, or find it difficult to deal with social interaction at work or in your personal life, you will discover the key to unlocking your true potential.

Finally, many of you may just have the wrong idea about emotional intelligence and think that it is the opposite of being tough, thick-skinned, masterful, or even manly. If that’s the case, you will be surprised to learn in this book that it isn’t about any of that.

What makes the topic of emotional intelligence so appealing is that everyone has it: yes, that’s right – you are emotionally intelligent – you just don’t know it yet. Now is the time to learn about your ability to identify your emotions and to manage them, as well as the emotions of those around you. In short, it’s time to create a new you!

Are you ready to begin?

Part One

Unlock Your

Emotional Intelligence

What is emotional intelligence?

That’s a good question.

The standard definition used by those ‘in the know’ is that it is the ability to monitor your own emotions as well as the emotions of others. By being able to distinguish between, and identify different emotions correctly, you can use that information to guide your way of thinking and behaviour and also influence that of others.

Sounds simple, right? So why all the fuss about it?

You know when you are feeling angry or sad, and can come up with a zillion reasons why you are justified in feeling as you do. Maybe your boss didn’t listen to your amazing idea for a new software program or your partner has just dumped you. Whatever it is, your emotions are a reaction to a certain situation and they have become dominant. Your boss is a total idiot for not appreciating your efforts and the more you think about that, the angrier you get. Your partner has hurt you deeply and you will never trust anyone ever again!

These are natural reactions and no one is going to deny you your right to feel, but knowing how to handle these emotions before they take over your whole perception of life is the key. Allowing them to fester and grow will cause you to act in ways that may be self-destructive now, not to mention how they will negatively color your worldview in the long run.

It’s also usually pretty obvious when someone is annoyed or upset with you, by what they say and the way they behave. You don’t need a degree in psychology to work that out. When your partner storms out of the room, clearly they are upset about something you may have said or done. And when your colleague slams the phone down on you, obviously you said something they didn’t like. You can’t control someone else’s behavior, and I wouldn’t suggest that anyway. But you can understand that everything we do and say has a knock-on effect on the people around us, either positively or negatively.

Well, experiencing emotions is something that we all do, but the point about emotional intelligence is having the ability to deal with them in a way that isn’t detrimental to you or your relationships. It’s actually about using certain skills to harness those emotions and to manage them in order to give yourself a more balanced, harmonious life. How do you know someone has emotional intelligence? Think of those people in your circle of friends and family: who do you know that listens to you when you tell them your problems or someone who displays great empathy? How many parents do you associate with who are able to act calmly when their young child is having a tantrum or someone that seems to manage stressful situations very well?

Anyone that you know displaying this kind of behavior is probably emotionally intelligent – they are not dictated to by what is going on around them. Instead, people with this quality are in control of how they feel and understand the impact their emotional response has on others. Those who are highly emotionally intelligent are usually very grounded in the way they act and you wouldn’t normally see them having emotional outbursts. This doesn’t mean that they don’t feel (which of course is impossible as we are all human); it’s just that they tend to process their emotions before their emotions overtake them.

Imagine driving down the motorway at a safe speed of 70 mph. You are keeping up with the flow of traffic and not going so slow that you might become a nuisance. The ride is going great and you are enjoying the views while listening to your favorite playlist. All of a sudden, a technical issue arises with your accelerator and you lose all control of it, making your car increase speed at an alarming rate – now you are at 80… 100… 120 mph...!

That’s a very scary scenario and even life-threatening. You have no control whatsoever over your vehicle and try desperately to brake, without any response. You are hurtling into the traffic ahead of you and need to swerve in and out erratically to avoid a collision. There’s no time to react – your heart rate is up and you cannot think straight. Fear has set in. This is hair-raising stuff!

That’s pretty much how our mind and body works when we don’t use emotional intelligence. Something triggers our emotional response mechanism, things escalate, we go into panic mode, people around us are affected, and we just can’t stop ourselves. Ever felt like that? The ‘out of control car’ example is something that I’m pretty sure you can relate to, even if the analogy is a little extreme.

How does this relate to emotional intelligence? When we talk about emotional intelligence, we are referring to the ability to understand, use, and manage emotions in positive ways. The outcome of this is less stress, better communication, more empathy for others, and being able to overcome challenges more effectively. It has been shown that people displaying such traits tend to form stronger relationships, have more success in their academic or work life, make better decisions, and feel more fulfilled.

If we break it down, there are five main aspects to emotional intelligence that most psychologists agree on and these are:

1. Self-awareness

This is when you recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. You are aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and feel confident about