Love and Dependence in Couple Relationships

By Lucian Simon Ionesco

It is often attributed to the love experience transforming power that borders on madness, by which people feel they lose their limits or their identity and enter a fusional state of fusion, similar to the dissolution of oneself. In the same way as mystics, this experience is referred to by lovers as a sensation of ecstasy that predisposes to abandonment and total surrender, as can be deduced from the Henry Miller quote with which we head this writing.

 

On the initial dissolution of individual borders, produced by the force of falling in love, the possibility of a stronger bond than the one that originally united the child to his parents is built. "A man and a woman will leave their father, and their mother and the two will be united in one flesh," recalls the marriage liturgy, citing the first pages of Genesis (II, 24). This new entity, a product of the loving fusion, constitutes the couple.

 

In this Ebook you will learn:

 

• The functions, nature and hidden experiences of love
• Romantic love 
• Committed love
• The dependence
• The construction of dependence

When you are done reading this book, you will have gained a lifetime of experience in just a few short hours. The stories are interesting to follow, and the challenging concepts have been made easy to understand. So get ready to broaden your horizons and adjust your expectations because you are in for one hell of a ride!

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Editorial Atelerix Creative Quill
• Release date: Feb 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201407667

Lucian Simon Ionesco

I'm 51-year-old; I have a degree in psychology, specializing in motivation and mental disorders.I'm a Brazilian Christian, and I define myself as straight, and I'm a vegetarian. I grew up in an upper-class neighborhood. I was raised by my father and my mother, having left when I was young. I'm currently single. My most recent romance was with an artist called Ophelia Dana Phillips, who was 12 years older than me. We broke up because Ophelia felt Lucian was too busy for the relationship. My best friend is a chorus actor called Keira Morales. We get on well most of the time. I also hang around with Glenn Rees and Arran Davis. We enjoy worship together. I have decided to start my work writing since currently, due to the pandemic, I require an additional income. With the support of the Atelerix publishing house, I want to start giving my general knowledge about everything I have studied in my city to swim all this time. I hope that you fully recognize my writing and support me, especially if you have a loved one you can support with my knowledge; I will be more than happy to support me with a review of my book.

Book preview

"To be able to give yourself totally and completely constitutes the greatest luxury that life provides. Authentic love only begins at this point of dissolution. Personal life is totally based on dependency, on mutual dependency"

(Henry Miller)

Index

LOVE AND DEPENDENCE IN COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS

INTRODUCTION

LOVE

The functions of love

The nature of love

The hidden experience

The fantasy of original plenitude: the myth of the androgyne

The birth of Eros: the dialectic fullness - lack

The Dynamics of Eros

sexual desire

ROMANTIC LOVE

Literary sources of romantic love

The concept of romantic love

Romantic love is an exalted experience

Romantic love is perfect

Romantic love is fusional

Romantic love is passionate

romantic love is narcissistic

Romantic love is exclusive

romantic love is sterile

romantic love is fleeting

COMMITTED LOVE

From romantic love to committed love: the constitution of the couple

THE DEPENDENCE

Conditions for dependency in couple relationships

The constitutive structural vectors of the couple relationship

Quadrant 1: complementary symmetry

Quadrant 2: Symmetry Deficit

Quadrant 3: complementary asymmetry

Quadrant 4: deficit asymmetry

The Oscillatory Dynamics of Relationships

THE CONSTRUCTION OF DEPENDENCE

IN CONCLUSION

about dependency

About the concept of couple

Bibliographic references

INTRODUCTION

It is often attributed to the love experience transforming power that borders on madness, by which people feel they lose their limits or their identity and enter a fusional state of fusion, similar to the dissolution of oneself. In the same way as mystics, this experience is referred to by lovers as a sensation of ecstasy that predisposes to abandonment and total surrender, as can be deduced from the Henry Miller quote with which we head this writing.

On the initial dissolution of individual borders, produced by the force of falling in love, the possibility of a stronger bond than the one that originally united the child to his parents is built. A man and a woman will leave their father, and their mother and the two will be united in one flesh, recalls the marriage liturgy, citing the first pages of Genesis (II, 24). This new entity, a product of the loving fusion, constitutes the couple.

The evolutionary advantage of this drive is related to the possibility of establishing the conditions to continue the procreative function of the species, endowing two individuals with sufficient attraction to unite in a more or less lasting way, suitable for this purpose. A sporadic sexual union would suffice to achieve procreative purposes, but the complexity of parenting has led humans to seek more complex forms of relationship to ensure the process and the continued supply of the necessary sustenance: food shelter. , protection.

These goals, however, can be achieved in very varied ways, as shown by the different modalities of family organization described by anthropological studies. Consequently, to ensure the continuity of the procreative function, sexual impulse and attraction would suffice, and an experience as extraordinarily devastating as falling in love is not necessary for this. Animals do not fall in love; They enter and leave periods of heat in a self-regulated way, establishing more or less solid, stable, or temporary unions depending on the species, but without experiencing the passion of love, although sometimes the fight to get the preference of females can involve real battles. However, we cannot call this behavior love except by anthropomorphic analogy: it lacks the feelings and projections we humans deposit. Only the human being surrenders to the seduction of Eros.

LOVE

The functions of love

So what is it that leads human beings to fall in love? Possibly because love fulfills several functions simultaneously, far beyond those strictly provided for by nature. Some are inscribed in it, such as the continuity of the species; others are located halfway between natural and social expectations, such as the achievement of prestige, beauty, fame, power, dominance, and security, values ​​that in turn represent a claim or attraction for potential couples; others are affected by more or less temporary or stable environmental or circumstantial conditions; others, finally, refer to personal characteristics, expectations, and fantasies that can only be understood from a symbolic and idiosyncratic perspective, as Punset (2007) says, Somehow you fall in love with an invention of your brain.

Among these various functions are, for example, the modalities that some social psychologists (Hendrick & Hendrick, 1986; Lee, 1973) have described on how to conceive the love relationship:

•  agape, focused on the happiness and well-being of the loved one.

•  Eros, based on physical attraction, emotional intensity, and passionate relationship;

•  disoriented to fun, promiscuity, and diversification of experiences;

•  mania, obsessed with dependence on the lover;

•  pragma raised based on convenience referred to all aspects of life;

•  store, based on friendship and loyalty;

From a more intimate perspective, the professor of Psychology at Yale University, Robert Sternberg (1989, 2002), proposes a triangular vision of the components of love, whose three sides would be:

•  Passion: neurophysiological or emotional activation leads to romance, physical attraction, and sexual interaction.

•  Intimacy: a feeling of closeness obtained by a couple who dares to take the mutual risk of showing their most intimate feelings and thoughts.

•  Commitment: the decision to love someone (at first) and maintain (later) a developing relationship.

The combination of these three factors gives rise to seven different types of love, which can change throughout the relationship:

•  Friendship: Composed of intimacy without commitment or passion.

•  Companion Love: Built on Foundation to intimacy and commitment but without passion, typical of couples who have been together for a long time and live together harmoniously.

•  Consummate love: a combination of the three components of passion, intimacy, and commitment.

•  Illusory love: a mixture of passion and commitment, but without intimacy or mutual knowledge.

•  Romantic love: composed of passion and intimacy, in the absence of commitment.

•  Empty love is characterized by a commitment without passion or intimacy, such as to keep up appearances or for the children's sake.

•  Falling in love: predominantly based on passionate experience.

However, the reason why human beings project so many expectations on love does not seem to be exhausted with any of the previous categories, not even, perhaps, with the sum of all of them, as in the case of Sternberg's consummate love. There must be some deeper reason why love is given the ability to produce not only momentary pleasure, associated with sexual orgasm, or the satisfaction of the selfish gene (Dawkins, 1993), as sociobiology postulates, according to Wilson's proposal (1975), but happiness, understood as a state of fullness and indefinable enjoyment. The paroxysm attributed to the power of love is so high that in its maximum expression, it is taken to the limits of the loss of reason: "Per Amor Venne in furor e matto,

In his essay on love and death, Schopenhauer (1788-1860) wonders about the reason for this madness or deception to which the human being is subjected, which is none other than the predominance of the objectives of the species over the of the individual (thesis identical to that of the selfish gene, where the interests of the gene to reproduce are superimposed on those of the individual). To achieve this end, the philosopher says in a text that is part of the tradition that conceives of love as blind:

"It is necessary that nature deceives the individual with some trick,

by which he sees, deluded, his fortune in what is only the good of the species; the individual thus becomes an unconscious slave of nature at the moment in which he only believes that he is obeying his desires. A pure chimera, instantly vanished, floats before his eyes and makes him act. This illusion is nothing more than instinct. In most cases, it represents the sense of the species, the interests of the species before the will. But since here the will have become individual, it must be deceived, in such a way that it perceives through the sense of the individual the purposes that the sense of the species has over it...."

Underlying, on the other hand, the idea of ​​love, the longing for dissolution in death, whose culminating expression is found in the mystical verses of Teresa of Ávila (1515-1582):

"I live without living in myself, and I expect such a high life,

that I die because I do not die".

Or the fantasy of destructive power, Mourir d'amour, characteristic of innumerable literary works belonging to the most diverse genres, prompted Freud (1920, 1923) to pair Eros and Thanatos. This complementarity between love and death is abundantly confirmed in the animal world, where males