A Toothache: Novel

By Divya Bihani

A Toothache is an experience that every individual has to live through, irrespective of who they are. The pain needs to be endured, and the loss suffered. Similar are the heartbreaks caused by the loss of the individuals in our lives which is a heartbreaking experience for everybody. This book entails answers to questions, that arise when certain experiences are forced upon us, the mistakes that lead us to it and the solutions that can carry us out of it. It is a heart-wrenching story with a heart-breaking experience and a heartwarming lesson.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pixie and Pexels
• Release date: Feb 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201752361

Divya Bihani

Divya Bihani is one amongst the millions wandering through the streets of life looking for the destination. She is qualified as a post graduate, a poet, and author and with more such tags the world has awarded with. Aditionally, what she aspires is to become eligible as a good human being. To help herself and others is the only journey she has been living and to be a part of her journey you can get in touch with her via [e-mail]

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Divya Bihani

Copyrights

Copyright 2022, Divya Bihani

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be Reproduced, Stored in a retrieval system, or Transmitted, in any form by any Means, electronic, Mechanical, magnetic, Optical, chemical, Manual, Photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the Prior Written consent of its Writer.

A Toothache by Divya Bihani

PRESENTED BY:- PIXIE AND PEXELS

Novel

ISBN:978-93-92056-45-1

Cover Designed by:- UROOJ FATIMA, DIVYA BIHANI

Typesetting by:- UROOJ FATIMA

Price: INR 299/-

The opinions/contents expressed in this book are Solely of the Author and do not represent the Opinions/standings/ Thoughts Of Publisher.

Disclaimer

This Novel is a complete work of fiction. It reflects the Author’s present recollections of experiences over time. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this book are either the product of the Author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The opinions expressed are those of the characters and should not be confused with the Author’s.

Our Editors have tried their best to check the Plagiarism. The words in this book are copyright reserved by the Author and are published only in this book .

This work is sold with the understanding that the Publisher are not held responsible in case of Plagiarized Content.

Acknowledgments

‘A Toothache’ wouldn’t have been possible without my support system-my family and my friends standing like pillars around me. I would like to thank the publishing house for giving shape to my word document. I would also like to thank each one of you who have lived through my story. Finally I would want to thank my mind for enduring all my thoughts and prioritising the best of them and pouring down the ideas to make it finally, what it is today.

Thank you all!

Contents

The Trauma

Childhood Essence

Ananya

Study and Chill

School things

Expectations

Friends

First Chat

Excitement

Partners

Anywhere Phone

Emotions

Results

Outings

Roller Coaster I

Excuses

Time for self

Double Shock

Roller Coaster II

Saturation

Different Perspective

Reflections

Time and Cavity

Tooth with the ache

New Beginnings

Chapter 1

The Trauma

I collapsed right in the middle of my room. The leaves outside did not feel lively anymore. My soul seemed devoid of its existence. My fingers were numb and I had no corner in my room left to pour in my tears. It was hard for me to seep in as to what I was getting for digestion. The mind stopped, heartbeat raged, sweats dripping off. My world felt upside down and seemed to have no more colours and flowers in it. The bricks that I had been laying down together to build up my dream castle were shattering into pieces right in front of me. I stood there helpless, tears dropping by and striving to hold up myself. I tried calling someone whose talks could shut the roar of my devastated mind, who could let me feel the presence of this hefty traffic and the running world around me. But my hands never pressed for a call. I had innumerable people to give a call to but not the one I wanted. I was full of questions. Is this what adulthood is? Is this how it is going to be? Would it be like a piece of cake, easily eaten and cherished? How am I going to survive here? How is everyone already surviving? I’ve never seen anybody complaining over the sour miracles that life is portraying. I could find no one to share the naked feelings that I desperately wanted to get away with. I knew it was just a matter of time and if I succeeded in giving it to myself, the clarity would follow. The peace and calm which were exacerbating with every microsecond passing were making me more help deprived. I knew I could find a way back once I let them run the relay until time gives it the hand to come back to me again. But those microseconds felt like the never-ending years that I was to put up with. The concept of remaining calm was not approved by my restless mind.  Gulping all the self-respect, I gave her a callback. The phone was busy. The question and answer round started again. Who was she talking to? Is she discussing our scenario with somebody? Has she been acting all this while on certain terms? Should I be giving her time? Or would it be better to confront her? What should my approach be? Raging over her negligence towards me? Comprehend her emotions and keep my existence aside? Pique her with my confusion? Conciliate with her and let things go? But would that make me happy? Would that let me sleep peacefully at night?

The mind has the freedom to think anything. It led me into paths that I did not want to turn to. I brushed everything away, calmed myself, and texted her. Complete what’s important to you. I had taken my peaceful breath and stood up to see which path to take next. A path that could take me to a better understanding of myself, that could make me docile, that could venture me into making more dreams, that could engender creative thoughts apart from the questions and thoughts that pour out my vim and vigour. I decided to get up and sit with my diary. In the meantime, my phone rang. ‘Tere yaar bathere ne mera tu hi hai bas yaara’. All the peace and the new path and the old life concept vanished away. I picked up the phone. There was silence. The silence felt like the air around is mourning for the seconds that are passing away, showering lessons, and teachings that can change the perspective of an individual. It was silence without the storm. It was a silence that had been welcoming annihilation. A silence that was giving us time to pick up the remnants of our friendship and leave for our ways. I cleared my throat. I did not want the silence to rule the bond between us. I did not want her to know how miserable my voice had become. I did not want her to imagine how inanimately my eyes have been striving to shine. I did not want to sound so helpless. There are times when you have to put up in front of people you had been going to when you wanted to be put up. I knew I was on the verge of losing the friendship. The friendship that was more than a family to me. The ending of which I was not aware of. The friendship which could see its end anytime soon. The friendship I could kill myself for. The friendship whose end I had never dreamt of. The friendship that you start to keep it sailing. The friendship whose time had come to drop it off at the shore. I said hello. I received complete silence yet again. Not letting any of those silent feelings come back I again started with a hello.

Hello.

I knew it was the hello I had said to start a conversation that is supposed to end forever. It was the moment when I wanted to be a kid again who could run back to her mother and cry out explaining as to what the issue is and like an angel in disguise, using her magical powers, she would have sorted it so beautifully. But this wasn’t childhood anymore. This was adulthood. What you say and what you portray is what you are.

Yes, say?

I already said what I had to, give me an answer so that I know where are we flowing. I do not want to hang in the middle, all on my assumptions.

You texted that you remained unheard. You get your time, say what you have to.

I took my time, compiled my issues, sorted them in my head, and kept all the points that I had to. It was a mixture of frustration, agitation, nervousness, helplessness. I knew that no angel could help me here. Whisking all these thoughts away again, I continued that turned out to be 53 minutes long speech that was brusque and very impatient. I poured my heart in there. The speech that I gave was possible because I’d mentioned before that I was unheard and have been unheard but do not wish to remain unheard. So considering everybody has the freedom of speech I was given the platform to get my voice heard. And I used it to my utmost potential without wasting any of my minutes to either gulp or cry. I spoke with my ranging emotions as my speech had all the varieties. I started from being full of rage to becoming polite and explaining my point of view to becoming hurt when I was going through the paragraph that made me deliver this speech. I remember saying,

See Ananya, it has been a long time since we had a conversation that reminds us of the magical presence of each other. I miss the ways we could interact and let each other be a part of the lives we tend to build. But I do not know what is up with you in not fulfilling the very base on which our friendship started. I feel it is all my assumptions on which I have based things between us. However, I would wish to know your part so that I can fall back to your words at a time when I have to look back for some consolation on your absence

I continued with my long speech. With the delivery of every word, I was feeling either bad or content for I did not want to hurt her but wanted to clear out myself flawlessly. With every word that was dispensed in the air and every emotion that came out undiluted, I felt more and more settled with myself. I knew somewhere that you cannot force somebody to be by your side or feel the way you want them to. But I was not ready to make her my past, in my present, for my future. I felt I could not let her go. I was willing to beg and plead to her to stay but my journey from childhood to adulthood made sure not to entertain everything that I wanted or willing to keep close. I decided I will speak, let go of the words that were making this heart heavy and look forward. Look forward to what was coming and what I could attach to until I again had to face a day to let go of that attachment to look forward. When everything that I wanted to say ended, I realized it had been too long and she is not the person to listen for so long without interrupting. I somewhere felt happy thinking that she might be giving me time and processing my perspective and maybe feeling sorry for the way she made me feel. I stopped and with a quirky smile asked her,

I hope I have not made you feel ugly at any point. This is what I had to say and now I welcome your conclusion. Whatever you decide I will be fine with it. If you come in, I will welcome you with all my heart. If you want to leave, I will never disturb you. However, irrespective of your decision I will be there for you whenever you need me.

I do not know why but I had this calmness in me then, that she understood everything and now would set everything straight. Ananya has been a smart girl and never given me a chance to think that she could be wrong. I was waiting for her response, rather, a positive response. There was silence again. A silence that could eat one completely without letting the world know. I was done with that silence. Not undergoing any of the dormancy I spoke up, again:

Anything that you say would be welcomed. Eagerly waiting for the answer that would bring too much excitement back.

"I would still stick to my point. You lost him so you think you have to lose everybody. I have no conclusions. Decide for yourself how you want to take this friendship along. I have no say in it."

I felt abased. I felt that my love for her, my devotion to her, the time that I was giving her was ridiculed. The indemnity that she was owing to me was forsaken. Why did she have to bring him? Is this why we make friends? Is this why we tend to share everything with them? Is this the first lesson of the subject ‘adulthood’? You make mistakes of sharing, you get pitched to the ground, on your face? Would I want to be done that to me? The answer came impromptu. I realized I had started with my pool of questions again. I hoisted up myself and the conclusion was to rescind from all my emotions. 

Ok. 

Ok? That is it? Is this me? Am I a person who delivers an okay when there are floods of emotions? I was not lacking words. I knew that was not me. I have never lacked words. It was the listener I